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Because blasting your mind with media is a poor way to fix the issue of depression. Your idea is just a distraction. Yes that works in the short term, but you will very quickly depend on distractions because actually feeling anything is hell. When you stop the distractions then all the thoughts will hit you like a brick.

This is my personal experience from many attempts to distract myself from my feelings. Every time it just makes things worse.

Also for the love of god please stop insulting yourself over everything. You suck, I suck, we all suck. Congrats on being a person. Don't beat yourself up about failings or mistakes. You're throwing yourself into self hate which will do nothing but make depression worse.

@rvtr If I cant distract nor insult myself then I guess my depression won't ever be healed

I mean, those are the only solutions I have in mind

I can tell you from experience, that mindset follows you into adulthood and your depressive thoughts become manic. You can laugh at yourself, but the constant put down will only serve to bury you.

From my experience as well. Learn from us and don't mess yourself up. I really don't recommend getting in the hole I'm trying to dig myself out of.

Learn what from you?

Trust me. Your "newly found way to become smart" will NOT help. Not in any way. Without a therapist, you're asking for a miracle to feel better. Your first step would to be to talk to your parents and convince them to give you a therapist that will make you overall better, without tapping in on anything. Then, your therapist will help with the rest of the steps.