My ideas for a Billy Mays commercial

BILLY MAYS HERE FOR THE CRACK-ROK
YOU CAN SMOKE IT , SNORT IT , DRINK IT AND SHOOT IT
IT WILL GET YOU HIGH ALL THE SAME
LADIES , ADD IT TO YOUR MAKE UP TO MAKE YOUR EYES POP
OR INGEST IT SO YOU HAVE AN EXCUSE FOR SLEEPING WITH (THAT UGLY GUY)
GUYS , NEED THAT EXTRA STAYING POWER TO PLEASURE HER ?
JUST DIP YOUR MEMEBER IN IT AND GO ALL NIGHT
AND IF YOU ORDER NOW I'LL EVEN THROW IN CO-CANE WAFERS
ABSOLUTLEY FREE (just pay seperate shipping and proccessing)
THATS OVER AN $80 VALUE
YOURS FOR $ 19.95
AND DURING THIS LIMTED TIME OFFER
IF YOU ODER NOW I WILL INCLUDE
A POUND OF CO-CANE (just pay seperate shipping and proccessing)
WITH CO-CANE YOU WILL GET ALL THE BENEFITS OF THE CRACK-ROK
AND CO-CANE WAFERS BUT WITH MORE POSSIBILITIES
HERE'S HOW TO ORDER

OR


HI BILLY MAYS HERE FOR CRACK-SNAX
DO YOU LIKE CRACK ?
DO YOU LIKE SNACKS ?
THEN YOU LOVE CRACK-SNAX
WITH CRACK-SNAX YOU CAN EAT ALL YOU WANT
WITHOUT THE FEAR OR GUILT OF GAINING WEIGHT
BECAUSE YOU WONT
CRACK-SNAX IS A SCIENTIFICLY PROVEN FORMULA
OF DIETING FOR WEIGHT LOSS
IN FACT IF YOU DON'T LOSE 30.LBS IN THE FIRST
WEEK JUST SEND BACK THE UNUSED PORTION FOR A FULL REFUND
AND MAKING CRACK-SNAX HAS NEVER BEEN EASIER
JUST ADD ONE POUND OF CRACK TO YOUR FAVORITE SNACK
DICE IN A BLENDER FOR 30 SECONDS
AND THEN BAKE FOR 10 MINS.
IT DOESN'T GET ANY EASIER THAN THAT
AND IF YOU ORDER NOW
I'LL EVEN THROW IN THE O.D. KIT ABSOLUTELY FREE
(just pay seperate shipping and proccessing)
THATS OVER A $200 VALUE
YOURS FOR $19.95
HERES HOW TO ORDER

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