Hello.
It's being a while here. Almost 3 or more years I haven't been as active as I used to almost a decade ago.
I'm 26 years old now, almost 3 months ago from 27. I remember being 17 and registering here in GBAtemp for the first time. It was a really interesting joyride. I've been acquainted to some of you with the passing of time, some people might remember my avatar or my username.
I studied Finance and finished my bachelor almost 3 years ago. I work at the mexican branch of Shinhan Bank as a treasurer, I'm almost one year old there this late July. I have worked for other banks and institutions in the past years.
I have been a heavy drinker since my adolescence / young adulthood; almost 17 when I began to drank. I barely didn't finish high school and I didn't think I had a ton of future. My self steem was below ground for a long time and I became a heavier drinker in the following years. I stopped drinking almost at 24. I have been sober for the last couple of years, around 2023 my last hangover and such, but I occasionally drink a michelada or such. Thank God I didn't find about weed at that early age; my first experience was when I was 19 or so, but I didn't like it that much at the time, I began to smoke and consume cannabis at almost 25 years old.
Tbh dunno why I'm sharing this. It's weird.
My partner passed away on April 1st. It, has been a though moment tbh. I haven't drank more than a michelada in the past couple of weeks. I have been smoking flower also, it has been kinda therapeutic. I remember the first time I understood death and I became afraid of it, I may have been around five or six years old, and I was listening to some music from an artist that recently passed away around the time, and I began to analyse that new music from him wouldn't be heard soon and most likely never again. Then, around the same time, maybe a year later or so, I began crying in the middle of the night because "I didn't want to die". Atm I was really depressed because my parents divorce, and I have always thought that it further feed that fear for me. With the passing of time, with the years, I didn't think about it much more, but it became different with time as a partner of my mom was murdered in '09, then my paternal grandmother in '11, then the mom of a girlfriend I had in '13.
I was 16 when my psychiatrist told me that my depression was most likely not sociosomatic, but physiological, so my body didn't work properly to produce the correct neurotransmitters. I was diagnosed at the same period of time with hypothyrodism. In the COVID-19 pandemic my psychologist told me I was a proper autist person, most likely Savant or something like that. This tbh gave me a little understanding of what I considered as terrifying about death, even if I didn't "want" to do something about that fear.
For the first time in, my whole life I guess, I'm not afraid at my death anymore. I'm scared, but hopeful to see again my partner in the afterlife. The only thing that scares me is that maybe there's nothing over there, but that's not a really an issue anymore. Just a little price to pay for being finally without pain, depression, or bad feelings.
My partner was also depressed and she had several pain in her body because she had pulmonary fibrosis because COVID-19. We didn't know until the necropsy two weeks ago. My baby girl suffered a lot in life, and she's finally resting. I will hopefuly live a long life, to at the end finally rest with her in the other side.
It's being a while here. Almost 3 or more years I haven't been as active as I used to almost a decade ago.
I'm 26 years old now, almost 3 months ago from 27. I remember being 17 and registering here in GBAtemp for the first time. It was a really interesting joyride. I've been acquainted to some of you with the passing of time, some people might remember my avatar or my username.
I studied Finance and finished my bachelor almost 3 years ago. I work at the mexican branch of Shinhan Bank as a treasurer, I'm almost one year old there this late July. I have worked for other banks and institutions in the past years.
I have been a heavy drinker since my adolescence / young adulthood; almost 17 when I began to drank. I barely didn't finish high school and I didn't think I had a ton of future. My self steem was below ground for a long time and I became a heavier drinker in the following years. I stopped drinking almost at 24. I have been sober for the last couple of years, around 2023 my last hangover and such, but I occasionally drink a michelada or such. Thank God I didn't find about weed at that early age; my first experience was when I was 19 or so, but I didn't like it that much at the time, I began to smoke and consume cannabis at almost 25 years old.
Tbh dunno why I'm sharing this. It's weird.
My partner passed away on April 1st. It, has been a though moment tbh. I haven't drank more than a michelada in the past couple of weeks. I have been smoking flower also, it has been kinda therapeutic. I remember the first time I understood death and I became afraid of it, I may have been around five or six years old, and I was listening to some music from an artist that recently passed away around the time, and I began to analyse that new music from him wouldn't be heard soon and most likely never again. Then, around the same time, maybe a year later or so, I began crying in the middle of the night because "I didn't want to die". Atm I was really depressed because my parents divorce, and I have always thought that it further feed that fear for me. With the passing of time, with the years, I didn't think about it much more, but it became different with time as a partner of my mom was murdered in '09, then my paternal grandmother in '11, then the mom of a girlfriend I had in '13.
I was 16 when my psychiatrist told me that my depression was most likely not sociosomatic, but physiological, so my body didn't work properly to produce the correct neurotransmitters. I was diagnosed at the same period of time with hypothyrodism. In the COVID-19 pandemic my psychologist told me I was a proper autist person, most likely Savant or something like that. This tbh gave me a little understanding of what I considered as terrifying about death, even if I didn't "want" to do something about that fear.
For the first time in, my whole life I guess, I'm not afraid at my death anymore. I'm scared, but hopeful to see again my partner in the afterlife. The only thing that scares me is that maybe there's nothing over there, but that's not a really an issue anymore. Just a little price to pay for being finally without pain, depression, or bad feelings.
My partner was also depressed and she had several pain in her body because she had pulmonary fibrosis because COVID-19. We didn't know until the necropsy two weeks ago. My baby girl suffered a lot in life, and she's finally resting. I will hopefuly live a long life, to at the end finally rest with her in the other side.
