Help with anger management?

I need help, or rather, I need to vent, given my recent reactions to certain people on other locations (or other forums not here, but elsewhere), it's evident that I've issues with controlling my anger. I obviously don't want to get more personal, however, I need to get this off of my chest; there was an incident on another forum where...I didn't realize that someone's post was clearly facetious and I lost my temper, thinking he was legitimately being condescending to the OP of that thread. Suffice to say, things got ugly and I used language that I feel horrible for using. Obviously, I can't take it back, I didn't handle the way an exemplary adult my age should, but the thread devolved for a time, it's back to normal now. I guess what I'm trying to figure out is why I'm so quick to anger whenever I see certain posts, what triggers them, why I let things get the better of me, and so on. So that thread was just an example, but there other certain triggers that do it for me, unfortunately, and by me saying this, I can assume that many will lose respect for me for being so open about this issue I have. I'm clearly not as positive as I could be, nor do I see the big picture, i.e. when someone has a certain bias or has an opinion, they're neither right nor wrong necessarily, they're using their rights to express their thoughts and feelings, and I need to respect that. I sometimes wonder what's wrong with me and why I either overreact or just use said vile language. I know people swear casually and I've no problem with that at all, my problem is I go beyond that in heated discussions and it's something I feel absolutely horrible doing.

I don't know what to do about my anger problems, it's rather sad, actually, but I come before you, the Temp, a cry for help if you will, I don't want this to get any worse than it already is, it's bad though, not having job and not being in the best physical shape doesn't help any, you know, but any feedback, advice, etc is greatly appreciate, and thank you all ^_^
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Fishaman P
Unfortunately, I can't speak much for my anger management therapy, because I did it over 10 years ago. It may or may not be as effective for adults, but I'm no psychologist.

The fact you recognize the problem and are trying to get help is the biggest hurdle! My advice would be to seek professional help.
(That may have sounded really bad, but I mean it in the most helpful way possible.)
 
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TotalInsanity4
That's just how some people's brains are wired :T (I know you probably didn't want to hear that, but take it from someone who's brain is actually kind of wired that way lol)

Have you ever tried going to counseling? I went to counseling for anxiety for the first time ever after school got out and that actually helped quite a bit. Are you on some form of anti-anxiety drug? If not then that's something you should talk to your doctor about

I know that doesn't sound like much, but those two things alone can actually do a whole lot to help
 
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the_randomizer
No, it's fine, I do suffer from anxiety, and even if it is wired, I still should put forth more of an effort to keep it under control, and I have been to therapists/LCSW's before, so I know they can help. Problem is, without money, it's....a bit hard to attend therapy, but if I had a job, I would for sure. That's another stress factor, no job, no income, I hate not having much money to live on my own, you know? I think though, what I need is to better control my anger in these situations, esp. since I can't afford therapy, I don't know. I must sound pathetic, but the fact I lose my temper whenever I get in heated discussions, or use foul language....yeah, right now, I can't get anxiety meds or therapy. Ugh.
 
cracker
It is said that anger is misdirected fear. Many people that suffer from anxiety and/or depression have breaking points that can occur at unrelated times after it has built up a while. You should definitely see someone if you noticed it was a problem yourself — usually the person is the last to know. In the meantime, try to take things with a grain of salt. If you do find yourself posting flames on forums then go have a breather away from the site for a few minutes before you submit and read what you wrote. Hopefully you will then reconsider.

Also you can find places that do therapy for free or you can go to Social Services and get medical insurance.
 
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the_randomizer
Therapy, yes, I'll look into what services can do it for free until I get a job, and the other part, walking away from the source, cooling off then coming back, is definitely a good technique, but very hard to do for many, myself included, and I'll try that technique more often, posting reminders somewhere, like on my desk or something to that effect. I do have anxiety and it's what cost my last job; while I do suffer from it (it's not severe, but it does need work), I know I can overcome it. And thank you as well.
 
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TotalInsanity4
Well, then there are a few other things I would suggest.
First off, if you're doing janitorial work or something that you can have headphones in when you do get another job, download a bunch of music that you think is calming, stick it on your phone, and put in some earbuds while you work. That way, your heartrate will be taken down a little bit (so you will be less prone to losing your temper) and you won't have added stress of outside noise.
Secondly, work on breathing. It's another thing that will help with heartrate and stuff like that (heartrate can directly affect your mood through stress). Look up some youtube videos for calming breathing techniques that you can do while you're at home (they will be helpful for if you're getting angry online).
Thirdly, look at the situation from another angle. Before you lose your head, ask yourself a) is this worth getting angry over, or is it rather petty?, b) what is the other person thinking, and is this something that can be resolved peacefully? (you know that "walk a mile in their shoes" saying? ;), and c) what are the consequences of losing my temper in this situation?

Hope that helps, that's just a few things I do to help keep my cool ^_^


(PS, didn't refresh the page in time to see @Cracker's post. He hit the nail on the head, so you should mentally combine our two posts lol)
 
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J
Obviously, I can't take it back
Click to expand...
You could always PM the person if you are that conflicted about it.

I can assume that many will lose respect for me for being so open about this issue I have.
Click to expand...
Not really. This isn't a hugely negative thing to type about. I doubt anyone looks at you 'less' for this, maybe they will look at you as 'more' for typing about this.

Other than that I will not repeat what has already been said.
I will say I would not recommend pills for over-emotion and anger.
 
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mercuryshadow09
I've lived with PTSD for over twenty years and I can tell you it's a long hard road to find yourself, anger issues like you describe usually stem from another underlying issue, like how addicts medicate a psychological issue, anger is a sort of defense mechanism and controlling it can be the biggest hurdle. Start your journey/therapy from the beginning, write down a list of traumatic events in your life, figure out what your triggers are and why they trigger your anger, for instance you might have been bullied and why somebody seemingly getting picked on got your goat so to speak. Feel free to PM me if you would like to discuss anything further! ------------@Cracker, you are on the right track, fear is a primary defense mechanism, when an animal is stalked in the wild, the first thing the animal feels is fear and tries to flee danger, if the animal is caught then the secondary defense mechanism, anger might kick in and cause the animal to fight for it's life, life will find a way, fear and anger are just part of the tool box of life!
 
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the_randomizer
Thanks again, everyone, this is helping me clear my mind and reorganize my thoughts, therapy won't happen for a little while, but in the mean time, there are techniques:

Deep cleansing breaths, in the nose, out the mouth. I actually looked into this a bit and it triggers the release of nitric oxide (not to be confused with nitrous oxide), which has a calming effect on the brain as well as other beneficial chemical changes, slowing down the heart rate and stabilizing blood pressure.

Thinking before I act, this is a big one I struggle with, often giving in to knee-jerk reactions and not using rational or logical thoughts, which goes hand in hand with anxiety, that too is caused by irrational and illogical thoughts, this is what cost my my last job.

The other technique is a quick evaluation as was stated above, asking myself if it's really worth losing my temper over, getting up, walking around till I cool off, and even venting to those around me (living at home temporarily, people here, etc).

All in all, there is much for me to work on, then again, who doesn't have a lot to improve and work on, right? No one's perfect, and I of all people should know that, you know? I think that at least part of the reason why I get angry online is due to either my inability to properly differentiate sarcasm/facetiousness in text as there are no tonal fluctuations to otherwise indicate when someone is unless I look at it longer. That and opinions I can't agree with, I just..have a hard time accepting others' opinions about certain topics.

The ultimate and mature thing is, if someone gets on my nerves or tries to fight me verbally, I report the person, ignore it and move on. And as for apologizing to those people I lost my temper with on that forum? That might be a mistake, I'm gonna wait a while before I uh, do that, heh. But thank you guys again ^_^
 
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Hungry Friend
I used to use opiates and whatever other drugs I could get my hands on to deal with anger, and I still have plenty of anger/aggression issues, but losing weight and getting in shape has improved them significantly because I feel better about myself as a whole. Your mileage may vary but good luck brother and I hope you can find a way to calm your temper. Once I'm pissed off I basically go into animal mode, so I try to avoid personality types(manipulative sociopaths for me) that make me want to crush skulls.

In my experience, psychiatry and psychology are generally a scam and this is one of those issues you have to deal with yourself, but that's just me. Shrinks are just pill pushers though; that I know for certain.
 
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the_randomizer
I believe that's a definite factor in my mood, physical state is invariably connected to mental, spiritual, etc and they effect one another. I'm not in great shape at all, exercising require a lot of discipline, something I sorely lack, and I need external as well as internal motivating for it, you know? I know for a fact that as soon as I start to exercise more regularly, even if I have to do it at night when the sun goes down, I will feel tremendously better, so thank you as well for your input, man, that means a lot ^_^ :P
 
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Deleted member 318366
I can say reading through this blog made me think about natural remedies to help curb my own psychotic meltdowns this week. Thank you for posting it...I hate being overweight as well, can't physically work myself because of my problems and have to resort to online advertisement for a couple $100 a week. Is not the best but at least I don't have to deal with people I hate in real life.
 
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Hungry Friend
Well, diet alone can help you lose weight FAST. I was 275 lbs last June and yesterday I weighed right when I woke up before drinking coffee/water and I weighed in at 156.8 lbs. My method of eating one BIG(1500-1800 calorie) meal per day may not work for you and it's actually recommended that you eat more than 3 times per day to keep your metabolism going, but losing weight is a different process for everyone, and if you feel good physically you'll be less likely to lose it mentally, although I'm still a naturally aggressive person so I do still have to watch myself. Eat less than 2000 calories/day and eat a ton of protein so the weight you lose will be fat rather than muscle mass, and rather than doing cardio, I kickstarted my weight loss by lifting. It's different for everyone.

In short the healthier you are physically the better you'll feel as a whole, and once you get used to a diet(takes about a month, maybe 2) it'll become much easier. Once you start to eat less your stomach will actually shrink and get used to the smaller amount of food you're eating.

edit: I'm one of those people with a naturally slow metabolism as well so please don't ever listen to those people that say they're just "genetically programmed" to be big. Anyone can lose weight and I'm not exactly the most disciplined person in the world either.

If I can pull it off anyone can; I'm no tough guy.
 
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p1ngpong
When you feel angry at a post or whatever just walk away from the computer or close the tab and return to it later once you have calmed down, or just don't return to it at all. Simple really.
 
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the_randomizer
Thank you both, and that is a very mature/adult way to handle a situation you feel might get out of hand. Giving myself time to way away, cool down and think will help considerably :)
 
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S
Counsellors have always been incompetent for me.
I've trained myself to associate anger with exhaustion so when I get angry I sit down or fallover.
 
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S
Er, except today when I didn't get exhausted from my anger with Domino's. I was very careful about handling the situation even though I felt like Jeremy Clarkson having not eaten all day and received a cold pizza. Ended up with 2 hot pizzas on the house and my refund.

I feel awkward now cos I eat there regularly but it's like I can't face them again after being so angry and receiving nearly $50 worth of free food from 2 separate incidents in one month. It feels like I'm ungrateful and angry with givers of free food. What's worse is I've barely eaten the free pizzas tonight because I had lost my appetite by then. :/

I'm still hungry but don't have an appetite for free pizzas, I've eaten 1/4 total of them. I'm just gonna go have some suppliments and call it a day.
 
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Hungry Friend
Yeah, don't waste your money on counselors or shrinks man; anger is one of those issues you have to learn to control on your own and I've got a long ass way to go myself so it's not like I've solved anything. Psychiatrists especially should be avoided unless you have a problem or problems so severe that you have no choice because all they wanna do is sell you drugs and I speak from personal experience. Frankly, psychiatry involves a LOT of guess work and most of them have absolutely no idea what they're doing and simply push pills.

Medication should be a last resort. If, hypothetically, you HAVE to use something to calm you down, vaporizing or eating weed is the safest thing you could possibly use but it's not exactly good if you're trying to diet :P I'm going off on a tangent here; I'm tired as fuck.
 
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