If you have five dollars and 171 has five dollars, 171 has more money than you.
There is no 'ctrl' button on 171's computer. 171 is always in control.
Apple pays 171 99 cents every time he listens to a song.
171 can sneeze with his eyes open.
171 can eat just one Lay's potato chip.
171 is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.
171 destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
171 can kill two stones with one bird.
When 171 calls 1-900 numbers, he doesnt get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out.
171 once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.
Some people like to eat frogs' legs. 171 likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.
There are no races, only countries of people 171 has beaten to different shades of black and blue.
When 171 was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.
171 can't finish a "color by numbers" because his markers are filled with the blood of his victims. Unfortunately, all blood is dark red.
A 171-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.
When 171 falls in water, 171 doesn't get wet. Water gets 171.
Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 171 (171 Roundhouse Kick)
171’ house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.
How much wood would a wood171 171 if a wood171 could 171? ...All of it.
171 doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.
In honor of 171, all McDonald's in Texas have an even larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be 171sized.
171 CAN believe it's not butter.
If tapped, a 171 roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes.
171 can divide by zero.
The grass is always greener on the other side, unless 171 has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
A picture is worth a thousand words. A 171 is worth 1 billion words.
Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a 171 roundhouse kick.
171 invented his own type of karate. It's called 171-Will-Kill.
When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to 171 just to be on the safe side.
While urinating, 171 is easily capable of welding titanium.
171 once sued the Houghton-Mifflin textbook company when it became apparent that their account of the war of 1812 was plagiarized from his autobiography.
When 171 talks, everybody listens. And dies.
When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When 171 kills a ninja, he uses every part.
Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough 171 to go around.
171 doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut 171 is 171.
For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For 171, each testicle is larger than the other one.
171 always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego.
When taking the SAT, write "171" for every answer. You will score over 8000.
171 invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
When you're 171, anything + anything is equal to 1. One roundhouse kick to the face.
171 has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
On his birthday, 171 randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except 171.
171 doesn't throw up if he drinks too much. 171 throws down!
In the beginning there was nothing...then 171 Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe.
171 has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth.
171 grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.
Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered 171"
171 ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
171 and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.
If you Google search "171 getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.
171 can drink an entire gallon of milk in thirty-seven seconds.
Little known medical fact: 171 invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his monther's womb.
171 doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.
The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with 171. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.
It takes 171 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
You know how they say if you die in your dream then you will die in real life? In actuality, if you dream of death then 171 will find you and kill you.
171 has a deep and abiding respect for human life... unless it gets in his way.
The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until 171 Roundhouse kicked one of the corners off.
There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, 171 lives in Oklahoma.
171 doesn't believe in Germany.
When 171 is in a crowded area, he doesn't walk around people. He walks through them.
171 once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
James Cameron wanted 171 to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.
171 can touch MC Hammer.
Thousands of years ago 171 came across a bear. It was so terrified that it fled north into the arctic. It was also so terrified that all of its decendents now have white hair.
171 played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
It takes 14 puppeteers to make 171 smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.
