Bumping because, I fixed it.
I followed Thistletea's advice on a thread about the AutoRCM dead battery thing (can't link it here, because am new) and now I have a Switch again!
Here's their advice (replacing SX dongle with USB cable connected to PC):
Every time I attempt to revive the thing again, I time myself holding the power button for 20 seconds using my phone's stopwatch; I make sure it's +8s of overkill specifically because I want to overcompensate for human error.
Yes, I have the APX driver installed, I attempt a reinstall every...
Sorry, I can't provide any meaningful follow-up. The switch is still a corpse on my desk to this day, every once in a while i attempt to plug it into my computer to see if it recognizes it to no avail.
No matter how long I hold the power button, the Switch's current power state (whatever that is) doesn't seem to change at all. And since I can't turn the thing on at all, I can't get into Hekate or push any payloads
UPDATE:
Left the thing in the dock overnight. Still nothing. I think it's time...
So, I updated to 8.0.0 using ChoiDujourNX, (and updated Atmosphere and Hekate), then had some problems so I wanted to revert to a backup I had just made yesterday. I tried to revert but realized I had already moved the backup to my computer. So I powered off, copied the backup back onto my...
and before anyone asks who that robot is, it's actually from an episode of the donkey kong cartoon, where dk ends up accidentally switching bodies with it, and there's a banger song in that episode that you may have heard before in a thread