At the moment I'm kind of crashing. I've dealt with depression a good part of my life, a good seven or eight years. I won't ask for any sort of pity or anything because I know that I'm extremely fortunate, I just wish to write out my thoughts in a place where they may take a coherent form seething out of my consciousness. In between feeling normal, that is, "okay" and being on medication I often come to certain points during my days where I have sort of a mini-break-down. Right now, I'm just doing all that I can to stop some tears and tell myself to breathe.
I got a bit of sleep between around 9PM and 11:30PM, so I'm not running on empty, though I am quite sleepy. My first class today is a quiz in Music Theory at 10:00, I'm not expecting to do all that well in it. I just really didn't feel motivated yesterday. I skipped my criminal psychology class this last Thursday (bad influence friend) but had some fun with her. I don't particularly regret it, it was a fun time, but in the same sentiment it was also pretty stressful. We went and got coffee, I had a triple-shot iced pumpkin latte; she paid, I'm not exactly in the best financial situation right now. After the time had elapsed when class was over we went home and I showed her the projector screen in the basement and watched a bit of TV. After that we pretty much went out around 5PM grabbed dinner at a Wendy's at around 7PM and drove around in circles from 7PM - 12AM playing really loud music and talking.
The girl I was with is a year older than me, she's a dirty-blonde, extremely corrupt (of mind) extremely liberal person. We talked about all sorts of things and it was nice not having a filter over what I say. For me having friends is always sort of like having boundaries between what you can and can't talk about y'know? It was nice to cross this barrier and just talk about whatever. I think there's potential for a relationship, but I'm really not looking to be in a relationship right now, I just need better friends, and more of em. Too unstable in the long run (self-admitting).
School wise things have been going okay, I have a bunch of quizzes this week, Music Theory (Heavy Class!), I may as well expect a quiz in Criminal Psych (well, maybe not, but I may as well be ready for one), Information Technology and I still need to do two short article-summaries, though, I did print out the articles earlier this afternoon for Abnormal Psych (4:30-7:20) later tonight.
I shaved the left and right sides of my face (I hadn't shaved in three weeks or so) and was pleased with my upper-lip and chin-look, but my friend didn't like it and told me to shave it so I went ahead and did that. It'll be weird re-adjust to shaving my face every day or two, feels like my face is made out of sandpaper. Had a conversation with a girl who found me on chatango who I've been talking to for several months and is becoming one of my best online friends. So many girls have self-image/self-conscious problems, it's really depressing for lack of a better word, why can't people just find beauty in themselves, their personality and the things that make them happy?
I'll have a huge break again to do homework today, whether I make productive use of it or not remains up in the air, but I'm leaning toward productive use of the time between 12:30-4:30PM. I really enjoy the abnormal psych class, but I really just feel so hopelessly out of whack at the moment. I've been listening to some new music on Last-FM and it's helped somewhat, but for every hour or two of music that I listen to (a bit contrary) I like to have a good deal of silence and peace of mind.
Ironically I've been feeling a bit more social than I usually do, maybe not at school, but being social at a community college is a bit of an oxymoron since I don't drive. What I mean is that there's rarely anyway to develop any relationships that I make at school because people just come and go to class. For about every conversation that I have (over Facebook, for example) or on AIM, there's another person from my past who's busy or chooses to ignore me, possibly delete my comments etc I shouldn't let it bother me, and I try not to, but it's really hard for me to give up on people. On the other hand it makes me incredibly thankful for the people that pay me the slightest bit of attention.
I added a few more colleges to my "transfer" list at collegeboard, I've done 21 generic credit-hours of classes so far, trying 13 this semester. I tend to do better though when I'm under less stress to perform academically and can focus on fewer classes/courses at a time, so balancing out a load can be pretty difficult for me. I decided that I'm going to major in psychology, what I'll do with it, I've yet to decide. Yeah, I just don't want to think anymore /end post/ ~focus on nothingness here~
I got a bit of sleep between around 9PM and 11:30PM, so I'm not running on empty, though I am quite sleepy. My first class today is a quiz in Music Theory at 10:00, I'm not expecting to do all that well in it. I just really didn't feel motivated yesterday. I skipped my criminal psychology class this last Thursday (bad influence friend) but had some fun with her. I don't particularly regret it, it was a fun time, but in the same sentiment it was also pretty stressful. We went and got coffee, I had a triple-shot iced pumpkin latte; she paid, I'm not exactly in the best financial situation right now. After the time had elapsed when class was over we went home and I showed her the projector screen in the basement and watched a bit of TV. After that we pretty much went out around 5PM grabbed dinner at a Wendy's at around 7PM and drove around in circles from 7PM - 12AM playing really loud music and talking.
The girl I was with is a year older than me, she's a dirty-blonde, extremely corrupt (of mind) extremely liberal person. We talked about all sorts of things and it was nice not having a filter over what I say. For me having friends is always sort of like having boundaries between what you can and can't talk about y'know? It was nice to cross this barrier and just talk about whatever. I think there's potential for a relationship, but I'm really not looking to be in a relationship right now, I just need better friends, and more of em. Too unstable in the long run (self-admitting).
School wise things have been going okay, I have a bunch of quizzes this week, Music Theory (Heavy Class!), I may as well expect a quiz in Criminal Psych (well, maybe not, but I may as well be ready for one), Information Technology and I still need to do two short article-summaries, though, I did print out the articles earlier this afternoon for Abnormal Psych (4:30-7:20) later tonight.
I shaved the left and right sides of my face (I hadn't shaved in three weeks or so) and was pleased with my upper-lip and chin-look, but my friend didn't like it and told me to shave it so I went ahead and did that. It'll be weird re-adjust to shaving my face every day or two, feels like my face is made out of sandpaper. Had a conversation with a girl who found me on chatango who I've been talking to for several months and is becoming one of my best online friends. So many girls have self-image/self-conscious problems, it's really depressing for lack of a better word, why can't people just find beauty in themselves, their personality and the things that make them happy?
I'll have a huge break again to do homework today, whether I make productive use of it or not remains up in the air, but I'm leaning toward productive use of the time between 12:30-4:30PM. I really enjoy the abnormal psych class, but I really just feel so hopelessly out of whack at the moment. I've been listening to some new music on Last-FM and it's helped somewhat, but for every hour or two of music that I listen to (a bit contrary) I like to have a good deal of silence and peace of mind.
Ironically I've been feeling a bit more social than I usually do, maybe not at school, but being social at a community college is a bit of an oxymoron since I don't drive. What I mean is that there's rarely anyway to develop any relationships that I make at school because people just come and go to class. For about every conversation that I have (over Facebook, for example) or on AIM, there's another person from my past who's busy or chooses to ignore me, possibly delete my comments etc I shouldn't let it bother me, and I try not to, but it's really hard for me to give up on people. On the other hand it makes me incredibly thankful for the people that pay me the slightest bit of attention.
I added a few more colleges to my "transfer" list at collegeboard, I've done 21 generic credit-hours of classes so far, trying 13 this semester. I tend to do better though when I'm under less stress to perform academically and can focus on fewer classes/courses at a time, so balancing out a load can be pretty difficult for me. I decided that I'm going to major in psychology, what I'll do with it, I've yet to decide. Yeah, I just don't want to think anymore /end post/ ~focus on nothingness here~
