Fracking fan fiction

So yeah, we're learning about different types of literary elements or something in English. My teacher decided to cover narration. My teacher's a bit weird. Overall he's a nice guy, he's young, often times he's kinda funny and accessible, but he does through a lot of projects at us and we haven't even read a book in the class (mainly just excerpts from books). It's kinda a bipolar class for me; some days it's up, some days it's down.

I guess this week is a down week. As I said, we're doing narration, so he decided to use The Fellowship of the Ring as a reference. We read a bit from the book (well, the scene in the Mines of Moria) and watched the clip from the movie. It all seemed good, I'm quite a fan of the movies and we already watched the entire movie in his class earlier that year. But he gave us a project to write a narration from the perspective of a Hobbit (Frodo, Sam, Merry, Pippin) or from an Orc in those scenes.

It's basically fucking fan fiction.

I absolutely hate fiction. I just don't like things that aren't official canon. It annoys me to no end. Plus I'm not a terribly big fan of creative writing. I prefer pretty much just more free writing on the things that interest me. You know, video games, movies, music, whatever. It's mainly why I do so many useless reviews and articles around here. Of course though this project is actually worth points so it's a lose-lose situation. Either I write some dumb fan fiction or get a chunk out of my grade.

I'm honestly tempted to write "Frodo Mows the Lawn". Yes, shutter my children, shutter.

I'll probably take a day or two late on it. It's like 10:30 and I got back from work about an hour ago. I really don't feel like doing work. Plus tomorrow I have even MORE work. So I probably won't want to do it then.

But yeah, I don't like this project. The next one though I get to make Magic cards based on Dante's Inferno. That should be fun. But it's also due Wednesday so I'm kinda fucked.

Next week is spring break though, but getting a bunch of tests and projects doesn't make the week any faster.

That's about it.

Comments

[quote name='Guild McCommunist' post='3552994' date='Mar 29 2011, 10:37 AM']I absolutely hate fiction. I just don't like things that aren't official canon.[/quote]

You mean fanfiction right? Because if that was actually fiction, that'd be weird.

[quote name='Guild McCommunist' post='3552994' date='Mar 29 2011, 10:37 AM']But yeah, I don't like this project. The next one though I get to make Magic cards based on Dante's Inferno. That should be fun. But it's also due Wednesday so I'm kinda fucked.[/quote]

Sound pretty cool. :D
 
I see where you're coming from. You'd probably like my teacher. We read a book and watch the movie made after it and we had to write pretty much a review on the movie.

And I don't mind fanfiction. I write some myself and I try to make the stories as cannon as possible.
 
Agreed, I hate fan fiction too. However, that's not to say I don't like anything that's not canon, just most things. For instance, I read the Ocarina of Time manga and loved how they did the Skull Kid story and especially the Volvolgia and Link non-canon backstory, it was very touching and sad.
 
[quote name='KingdomBlade' post='3553001' date='Mar 29 2011, 03:42 AM'][quote name='Guild McCommunist' post='3552994' date='Mar 29 2011, 10:37 AM']I absolutely hate fiction. I just don't like things that aren't official canon.[/quote]

You mean fanfiction right? Because if that was actually fiction, that'd be weird.
[/quote]

Yeah, sorry. I'm a bit tired.

[quote name='machomuu' post='3553019' date='Mar 29 2011, 03:50 AM']Agreed, I hate fan fiction too. However, that's not to say I don't like anything that's not canon, just most things. For instance, I read the Ocarina of Time manga and loved how they did the Skull Kid story and especially the Volvolgia and Link non-canon backstory, it was very touching and sad.[/quote]

Legend of Zelda manga? Really? I began an intense hatred of all manga when I almost made a scene in my local Borders when I saw a Star Trek manga. I'm more of a comic book guy myself, although at this point I'm too lazy to actually read anything outside of subtitles. I'd rather sit back and watch a movie or play a game than read a book.
 
Haha. I still remember in 5th grade when our 55 year old female english teacher made us watch the movie version of Great Expectations. Didn't even bother to skip the sex scenes and the naked stuff.
 
[quote name='KingdomBlade' post='3553028' date='Mar 29 2011, 03:54 AM']Haha. I still remember in 5th grade when our 55 year old female english teacher made us watch the movie version of Great Expectations. Didn't even bother to skip the sex scenes and the naked stuff.[/quote]

Lol, we were watching some shitty movie version of The Canterbury Tales in my English class (the one I'm in now) and my teacher had to skip some of the nudity and stuff. But he accidentally stopped it on a scene with a guy in a devil costume (sorry Tim Curry fans, not him) bending over and farting into a river of sewage. I'm not quite sure what that was about but I was kinda laughing with a whole "What the fuck?" feeling.
 
[quote name='Guild McCommunist' post='3553022' date='Mar 28 2011, 10:50 PM'][quote name='KingdomBlade' post='3553001' date='Mar 29 2011, 03:42 AM'][quote name='Guild McCommunist' post='3552994' date='Mar 29 2011, 10:37 AM']I absolutely hate fiction. I just don't like things that aren't official canon.[/quote]

You mean fanfiction right? Because if that was actually fiction, that'd be weird.
[/quote]

Yeah, sorry. I'm a bit tired.

[quote name='machomuu' post='3553019' date='Mar 29 2011, 03:50 AM']Agreed, I hate fan fiction too. However, that's not to say I don't like anything that's not canon, just most things. For instance, I read the Ocarina of Time manga and loved how they did the Skull Kid story and especially the Volvolgia and Link non-canon backstory, it was very touching and sad.[/quote]

Legend of Zelda manga? Really? I began an intense hatred of all manga when I almost made a scene in my local Borders when I saw a Star Trek manga. I'm more of a comic book guy myself, although at this point I'm too lazy to actually read anything outside of subtitles. I'd rather sit back and watch a movie or play a game than read a book.
[/quote]
Well your first mistake was reading a Star Trek manga. Trust me, never read manga adaptations of shows or movies that are not Japanese, they're never good.
Also, I don't blame you for not liking mangam I can see why you don't. I love it, but it's probably because I'm an Otaku.
 
[quote name='Guild McCommunist' post='3553022' date='Mar 29 2011, 02:50 AM'][quote name='KingdomBlade' post='3553001' date='Mar 29 2011, 03:42 AM'][quote name='Guild McCommunist' post='3552994' date='Mar 29 2011, 10:37 AM']I absolutely hate fiction. I just don't like things that aren't official canon.[/quote]

You mean fanfiction right? Because if that was actually fiction, that'd be weird.
[/quote]

Yeah, sorry. I'm a bit tired.
[/quote]

me too bro don't sweat it. Fanfiction is fucking weird

NSFW ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD

I will not be held accountable for anything you read in the following spoiler. By opening the spoiler you recieve all responsibility for what you've read and it is entirely your own fault. Do not open the spoiler if you're below a certain age.

Heavy, loud, clanking footsteps echoed throughout the dim cavern, where only tiny slints of light from cracks in the surface made it through so far underground. The steps grew louder and clearer, and he could hear them perfectly in his darkened perch. And as soon as the dark blue figure wandered into the clearing amongst the subterranean rocks below, he stretched his broad wings and swooped like an eagle to a fish upon it. His gleaming talons grasped the blue android by its arms, pinning it to the ground with a crash. The figure only struggled and gasped, "Ridley!"

The giant purple dragon flexed his wings and grinned cruelly at his prey. "It's good to see you again too, Samus."

Samus struggled underneath Ridley's weight, but she only managed to get Ridley to tighten his grip on her limbs. "How many times do I have to kill you, Ridley?" Samus snarled.

"I'll stop bothering you once you're good and dead," Ridley sneidly replied. "How much years have you got left in you? Five? Ten? You humans can barely break eighty, and I doubt you'll last until sixty."

"Wanna know how much longer you'll live?" Samus snarled back, "Two minutes!"

With that, Samus wrenched her cannon arm free and shoved the barrel into Ridley's snout. Ridley barely managed to crane his long neck to the side in time to hear a roaring missile blast by his face. Opening his jaws wide, Ridley lunged his neck downward upon Samus, only to have a taste of the subterranean rock floor fill his mouth when Samus struggled free from his grip. Clambering to her feet, Samus aimed her cannon at Ridley's open ribs and fired another missile. The blast exploded into a shower of flames and shrapnel, thowing Ridley onto his side. Ridley felt his breath begin to grow weaker, knowing he was aging just as Samus was. "I've been killing you over and over for twenty years, Ridley," Samus snarled ready to blow Ridley's head off of his shoulders with another missile. "Maybe this time if I incinerate every bit of your body, you'll stay dead!"

The puddle of mud that Ridley soon found he had his hand in was whipped off the ground a heartbeat later, splattering onto Samus' visor. Samus reeled in surprise, her vison completely obscured by the thick muck. And as she tried to hurriedly rub off the sticky slime from her visor, Ridley took whatever energy he had left in him to struggle to his feet and lunge at Samus with wide-open jaws. His upper jaw grazed into Samus's left shoulder, and his lower jaw snapped shut, tearing underneath Samus' ribcage. And with a vicious tug of his neck, Ridley felt his teeth tear into Samus' armor, feeling bones crush between his jaws. The two of them remained motionless, with Ridley beginning to taste the bitterness of blood gushing down his chin, and with Samus silently shivering. Suddenly, Samus collapsed to her knees, slowly sliding off of Ridley's jaw. Ridley thought he saw their eyes connect for just a split second before he felt Samus' already lifeless-looking suit become completely souless, and when Samus collapsed on her stomach and the last echo of her body hitting the rocky ground bounced out of the cavern, Ridley suddenly felt alone.

Ridley licked the blood off of his chin and from inside his mouth, spitting it out again soon after. "God, I even hate the taste of you," Ridley muttered at Samus' body, flicking out the last of her blood from his teeth with his tongue. The odd sinking sensation he felt in his stomach began to press lower, and Ridley could only wonder why. Being a cheif pirate, he had killed thousands of creatures like Samus before, but now he felt something different begin to swell up within him.

Loneliness. As soon as the word entered his mind, Ridley's eyes immediately focused on what used to be Samus. He was lonely. He was always lonely. He lost count how many years it had been since he had seen another of his kind, since he had seen someone other than a fellow pirate whom he had not killed without so much as a thought. Crouching over the body of his slain long-time enemy, Ridley tapped on the back of Samus' helmet. "Strong, brave, and living the lonely life," Ridley muttered, "We could have been best of freinds."

Ridley wished with all his heart that Samus would reply, but he only got a unnerving silence. Water droplets from miles away in the underground cavens echoed softly throughout the cavern, and Ridley could only let his thoughts rythm to their beats as he looked at Samus' back. He wondered what would have happened if Samus was a fellow pirate. He wondered what would have happened if Samus was a dragon like himself. He wondered what would have happened if he and Samus were even friends. And when he wondered what could have happened if both their loneliness got the better of them together, his stomach suddenly winced.

"How utterly... vile!" Ridley's brain scolded him. "I know I'm a despicable space pirate, but I'm not that despicable!"

He looked at Samus' body, and soon began to grow curious. He knew the various armors his former arch-enemy wore well, but he never knew the creature within. Finding the stomach to ignore his better conscience, Ridley gingerly dragged his talon into and across the back of Samus' armor, splitting it from her shoulders to her waist. Ridley pulled apart Samus' armor, seeing a soft, pinkish skin underneath a simple blue leotard. His curiosity now fully ensnared, Ridley sliced open the rest of Samus' armor, and within seconds, Ridley had completely dissected Samus' armor into thin strips of metal, scattering them about the cavern as he tore the armor apart.

Soon, all that was left before Ridley was the lifeless body of Samus, the deep wound in her chest still bleeding heavily. The unarmored body of Samus looked like a completely different creature to him, and Ridley still wanted to see more. Ridley rolled Samus over onto her back, and his eyes suddenly locked on the face of his dead nemesis. Although her face was lined with faint, thin wrinkles, Ridley still noticed how beautiful her long blonde hair was, tied neatly in a ponytail. Ridley gingerly reached up to Samus' face, stroking his claw along her cheek, feeling her skin to be surprisingly soft. Ridley had always thought that humans had thick, shell-like skin, but that was based on how quickly his talons had sliced them apart. Ignoring Samus' bloody wound, Ridley's mind suddenly stopped once his eyes reached her chest.

His mind quickly switched back to his loneliness. He began wishing for a female dragon more than he had ever wished before, and just as Ridley was on the verge of breaking down with angst, a tiny voice in his head squeaked, "There's a female lying down in front of you."

Ridley froze. "How utterly... vile!" He screamed mentally to himself.

But then when Ridley looked at Samus one more time, he quickly found himself acting without thought.

Ridley pulled back Samus' leotard, ripping off the torso, baring Samus' breasts. Ridley gazed at them, fascinated at her unique mamillian featurHer Her dark red nipples quickly caught his attention, and Ridley could only help but wonder why male humans liked to stare at them so much. With his interest quickly lost, Ridley tore off the rest of Samus' leotard, and he was quick to spot what was universally recognized to all males in the universe. Ridley craned his neck down between Samus' legs, and as soon as he laid eyes upon Samus' vagina, Ridley briefly forgot his name.

Ridley's brain was thinking without him. As soon as he saw the bright red flesh inside of her, Ridley felt his pulse thob towards his hips, forcing his penis to stand up straight. Knowing that this may be the last time that he would ever see a female crotch of any species as long as he was a pirate, Ridley let all the wind out of his lungs, waited until he could go no longer without air, shoved his nostrils against Samus' moist vagina and sucked in the deepest breath through his nose than he ever had in his life.

Something within Ridley's mind suddenly snapped. As soon as the scent of Samus invaded his nasal membranes, Ridley's body was on autopilot. With a thin string of drool leaking out of the corner of his jaws, Ridley threw himself upon Samus, jamming himself into her body. Ridley forced himself to thrust feverishly, even though he was twice Samus' size, feeling Samus' insides stretch and tear from his thrusting. Growling and huffing madly, Ridley suddenly quickened his pace, pumping himself in and out of Samus like a machine gun. And then with a drool-filled howl, Ridley released himself, feeling his stomach deplete. Ridley came to a stop, panting and weezing heavily.

Once he had finally caught his breath and his heart steadied, Ridley slowly pulled himself out of Samus, collapsing on his backside as soon as they were seperated. Ridley felt his erection still ticking in the air like a metronome, watching his semen ooze out of Samus' torn-up and bloody vagina. Pressing his penis towards the ground, Ridley waited until it had shrunk back down again before getting back to his feet. Looking back at Samus, Ridley suddenly felt disgusted with himself, a feeling which he had almost forgotten about several years re.
re.

Forcing his eyes off of Samus' body, Ridley stretched his wings, and took to the air.
 
[quote name='Law' post='3553041' date='Mar 28 2011, 11:01 PM'][quote name='Guild McCommunist' post='3553022' date='Mar 29 2011, 02:50 AM'][quote name='KingdomBlade' post='3553001' date='Mar 29 2011, 03:42 AM'][quote name='Guild McCommunist' post='3552994' date='Mar 29 2011, 10:37 AM']I absolutely hate fiction. I just don't like things that aren't official canon.[/quote]

You mean fanfiction right? Because if that was actually fiction, that'd be weird.
[/quote]

Yeah, sorry. I'm a bit tired.
[/quote]

me too bro don't sweat it. Fanfiction is fucking weird

NSFW ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD

I will not be held accountable for anything you read in the following spoiler. By opening the spoiler you recieve all responsibility for what you've read and it is entirely your own fault. Do not open the spoiler if you're below a certain age.

Heavy, loud, clanking footsteps echoed throughout the dim cavern, where only tiny slints of light from cracks in the surface made it through so far underground. The steps grew louder and clearer, and he could hear them perfectly in his darkened perch. And as soon as the dark blue figure wandered into the clearing amongst the subterranean rocks below, he stretched his broad wings and swooped like an eagle to a fish upon it. His gleaming talons grasped the blue android by its arms, pinning it to the ground with a crash. The figure only struggled and gasped, "Ridley!"

The giant purple dragon flexed his wings and grinned cruelly at his prey. "It's good to see you again too, Samus."

Samus struggled underneath Ridley's weight, but she only managed to get Ridley to tighten his grip on her limbs. "How many times do I have to kill you, Ridley?" Samus snarled.

"I'll stop bothering you once you're good and dead," Ridley sneidly replied. "How much years have you got left in you? Five? Ten? You humans can barely break eighty, and I doubt you'll last until sixty."

"Wanna know how much longer you'll live?" Samus snarled back, "Two minutes!"

With that, Samus wrenched her cannon arm free and shoved the barrel into Ridley's snout. Ridley barely managed to crane his long neck to the side in time to hear a roaring missile blast by his face. Opening his jaws wide, Ridley lunged his neck downward upon Samus, only to have a taste of the subterranean rock floor fill his mouth when Samus struggled free from his grip. Clambering to her feet, Samus aimed her cannon at Ridley's open ribs and fired another missile. The blast exploded into a shower of flames and shrapnel, thowing Ridley onto his side. Ridley felt his breath begin to grow weaker, knowing he was aging just as Samus was. "I've been killing you over and over for twenty years, Ridley," Samus snarled ready to blow Ridley's head off of his shoulders with another missile. "Maybe this time if I incinerate every bit of your body, you'll stay dead!"

The puddle of mud that Ridley soon found he had his hand in was whipped off the ground a heartbeat later, splattering onto Samus' visor. Samus reeled in surprise, her vison completely obscured by the thick muck. And as she tried to hurriedly rub off the sticky slime from her visor, Ridley took whatever energy he had left in him to struggle to his feet and lunge at Samus with wide-open jaws. His upper jaw grazed into Samus's left shoulder, and his lower jaw snapped shut, tearing underneath Samus' ribcage. And with a vicious tug of his neck, Ridley felt his teeth tear into Samus' armor, feeling bones crush between his jaws. The two of them remained motionless, with Ridley beginning to taste the bitterness of blood gushing down his chin, and with Samus silently shivering. Suddenly, Samus collapsed to her knees, slowly sliding off of Ridley's jaw. Ridley thought he saw their eyes connect for just a split second before he felt Samus' already lifeless-looking suit become completely souless, and when Samus collapsed on her stomach and the last echo of her body hitting the rocky ground bounced out of the cavern, Ridley suddenly felt alone.

Ridley licked the blood off of his chin and from inside his mouth, spitting it out again soon after. "God, I even hate the taste of you," Ridley muttered at Samus' body, flicking out the last of her blood from his teeth with his tongue. The odd sinking sensation he felt in his stomach began to press lower, and Ridley could only wonder why. Being a cheif pirate, he had killed thousands of creatures like Samus before, but now he felt something different begin to swell up within him.

Loneliness. As soon as the word entered his mind, Ridley's eyes immediately focused on what used to be Samus. He was lonely. He was always lonely. He lost count how many years it had been since he had seen another of his kind, since he had seen someone other than a fellow pirate whom he had not killed without so much as a thought. Crouching over the body of his slain long-time enemy, Ridley tapped on the back of Samus' helmet. "Strong, brave, and living the lonely life," Ridley muttered, "We could have been best of freinds."

Ridley wished with all his heart that Samus would reply, but he only got a unnerving silence. Water droplets from miles away in the underground cavens echoed softly throughout the cavern, and Ridley could only let his thoughts rythm to their beats as he looked at Samus' back. He wondered what would have happened if Samus was a fellow pirate. He wondered what would have happened if Samus was a dragon like himself. He wondered what would have happened if he and Samus were even friends. And when he wondered what could have happened if both their loneliness got the better of them together, his stomach suddenly winced.

"How utterly... vile!" Ridley's brain scolded him. "I know I'm a despicable space pirate, but I'm not that despicable!"

He looked at Samus' body, and soon began to grow curious. He knew the various armors his former arch-enemy wore well, but he never knew the creature within. Finding the stomach to ignore his better conscience, Ridley gingerly dragged his talon into and across the back of Samus' armor, splitting it from her shoulders to her waist. Ridley pulled apart Samus' armor, seeing a soft, pinkish skin underneath a simple blue leotard. His curiosity now fully ensnared, Ridley sliced open the rest of Samus' armor, and within seconds, Ridley had completely dissected Samus' armor into thin strips of metal, scattering them about the cavern as he tore the armor apart.

Soon, all that was left before Ridley was the lifeless body of Samus, the deep wound in her chest still bleeding heavily. The unarmored body of Samus looked like a completely different creature to him, and Ridley still wanted to see more. Ridley rolled Samus over onto her back, and his eyes suddenly locked on the face of his dead nemesis. Although her face was lined with faint, thin wrinkles, Ridley still noticed how beautiful her long blonde hair was, tied neatly in a ponytail. Ridley gingerly reached up to Samus' face, stroking his claw along her cheek, feeling her skin to be surprisingly soft. Ridley had always thought that humans had thick, shell-like skin, but that was based on how quickly his talons had sliced them apart. Ignoring Samus' bloody wound, Ridley's mind suddenly stopped once his eyes reached her chest.

His mind quickly switched back to his loneliness. He began wishing for a female dragon more than he had ever wished before, and just as Ridley was on the verge of breaking down with angst, a tiny voice in his head squeaked, "There's a female lying down in front of you."

Ridley froze. "How utterly... vile!" He screamed mentally to himself.

But then when Ridley looked at Samus one more time, he quickly found himself acting without thought.

Ridley pulled back Samus' leotard, ripping off the torso, baring Samus' breasts. Ridley gazed at them, fascinated at her unique mamillian featurHer Her dark red nipples quickly caught his attention, and Ridley could only help but wonder why male humans liked to stare at them so much. With his interest quickly lost, Ridley tore off the rest of Samus' leotard, and he was quick to spot what was universally recognized to all males in the universe. Ridley craned his neck down between Samus' legs, and as soon as he laid eyes upon Samus' vagina, Ridley briefly forgot his name.

Ridley's brain was thinking without him. As soon as he saw the bright red flesh inside of her, Ridley felt his pulse thob towards his hips, forcing his penis to stand up straight. Knowing that this may be the last time that he would ever see a female crotch of any species as long as he was a pirate, Ridley let all the wind out of his lungs, waited until he could go no longer without air, shoved his nostrils against Samus' moist vagina and sucked in the deepest breath through his nose than he ever had in his life.

Something within Ridley's mind suddenly snapped. As soon as the scent of Samus invaded his nasal membranes, Ridley's body was on autopilot. With a thin string of drool leaking out of the corner of his jaws, Ridley threw himself upon Samus, jamming himself into her body. Ridley forced himself to thrust feverishly, even though he was twice Samus' size, feeling Samus' insides stretch and tear from his thrusting. Growling and huffing madly, Ridley suddenly quickened his pace, pumping himself in and out of Samus like a machine gun. And then with a drool-filled howl, Ridley released himself, feeling his stomach deplete. Ridley came to a stop, panting and weezing heavily.

Once he had finally caught his breath and his heart steadied, Ridley slowly pulled himself out of Samus, collapsing on his backside as soon as they were seperated. Ridley felt his erection still ticking in the air like a metronome, watching his semen ooze out of Samus' torn-up and bloody vagina. Pressing his penis towards the ground, Ridley waited until it had shrunk back down again before getting back to his feet. Looking back at Samus, Ridley suddenly felt disgusted with himself, a feeling which he had almost forgotten about several years re.
re.

Forcing his eyes off of Samus' body, Ridley stretched his wings, and took to the air.
[/quote]
Did...did I just read an f***ing corpse porno about Ridley and Samus!?
 
[quote name='Law' post='3553041' date='Mar 29 2011, 04:01 AM'][quote name='Guild McCommunist' post='3553022' date='Mar 29 2011, 02:50 AM'][quote name='KingdomBlade' post='3553001' date='Mar 29 2011, 03:42 AM'][quote name='Guild McCommunist' post='3552994' date='Mar 29 2011, 10:37 AM']I absolutely hate fiction. I just don't like things that aren't official canon.[/quote]

You mean fanfiction right? Because if that was actually fiction, that'd be weird.
[/quote]

Yeah, sorry. I'm a bit tired.
[/quote]

me too bro don't sweat it. Fanfiction is fucking weird

NSFW ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD

I will not be held accountable for anything you read in the following spoiler. By opening the spoiler you recieve all responsibility for what you've read and it is entirely your own fault. Do not open the spoiler if you're below a certain age.

Heavy, loud, clanking footsteps echoed throughout the dim cavern, where only tiny slints of light from cracks in the surface made it through so far underground. The steps grew louder and clearer, and he could hear them perfectly in his darkened perch. And as soon as the dark blue figure wandered into the clearing amongst the subterranean rocks below, he stretched his broad wings and swooped like an eagle to a fish upon it. His gleaming talons grasped the blue android by its arms, pinning it to the ground with a crash. The figure only struggled and gasped, "Ridley!"

The giant purple dragon flexed his wings and grinned cruelly at his prey. "It's good to see you again too, Samus."

Samus struggled underneath Ridley's weight, but she only managed to get Ridley to tighten his grip on her limbs. "How many times do I have to kill you, Ridley?" Samus snarled.

"I'll stop bothering you once you're good and dead," Ridley sneidly replied. "How much years have you got left in you? Five? Ten? You humans can barely break eighty, and I doubt you'll last until sixty."

"Wanna know how much longer you'll live?" Samus snarled back, "Two minutes!"

With that, Samus wrenched her cannon arm free and shoved the barrel into Ridley's snout. Ridley barely managed to crane his long neck to the side in time to hear a roaring missile blast by his face. Opening his jaws wide, Ridley lunged his neck downward upon Samus, only to have a taste of the subterranean rock floor fill his mouth when Samus struggled free from his grip. Clambering to her feet, Samus aimed her cannon at Ridley's open ribs and fired another missile. The blast exploded into a shower of flames and shrapnel, thowing Ridley onto his side. Ridley felt his breath begin to grow weaker, knowing he was aging just as Samus was. "I've been killing you over and over for twenty years, Ridley," Samus snarled ready to blow Ridley's head off of his shoulders with another missile. "Maybe this time if I incinerate every bit of your body, you'll stay dead!"

The puddle of mud that Ridley soon found he had his hand in was whipped off the ground a heartbeat later, splattering onto Samus' visor. Samus reeled in surprise, her vison completely obscured by the thick muck. And as she tried to hurriedly rub off the sticky slime from her visor, Ridley took whatever energy he had left in him to struggle to his feet and lunge at Samus with wide-open jaws. His upper jaw grazed into Samus's left shoulder, and his lower jaw snapped shut, tearing underneath Samus' ribcage. And with a vicious tug of his neck, Ridley felt his teeth tear into Samus' armor, feeling bones crush between his jaws. The two of them remained motionless, with Ridley beginning to taste the bitterness of blood gushing down his chin, and with Samus silently shivering. Suddenly, Samus collapsed to her knees, slowly sliding off of Ridley's jaw. Ridley thought he saw their eyes connect for just a split second before he felt Samus' already lifeless-looking suit become completely souless, and when Samus collapsed on her stomach and the last echo of her body hitting the rocky ground bounced out of the cavern, Ridley suddenly felt alone.

Ridley licked the blood off of his chin and from inside his mouth, spitting it out again soon after. "God, I even hate the taste of you," Ridley muttered at Samus' body, flicking out the last of her blood from his teeth with his tongue. The odd sinking sensation he felt in his stomach began to press lower, and Ridley could only wonder why. Being a cheif pirate, he had killed thousands of creatures like Samus before, but now he felt something different begin to swell up within him.

Loneliness. As soon as the word entered his mind, Ridley's eyes immediately focused on what used to be Samus. He was lonely. He was always lonely. He lost count how many years it had been since he had seen another of his kind, since he had seen someone other than a fellow pirate whom he had not killed without so much as a thought. Crouching over the body of his slain long-time enemy, Ridley tapped on the back of Samus' helmet. "Strong, brave, and living the lonely life," Ridley muttered, "We could have been best of freinds."

Ridley wished with all his heart that Samus would reply, but he only got a unnerving silence. Water droplets from miles away in the underground cavens echoed softly throughout the cavern, and Ridley could only let his thoughts rythm to their beats as he looked at Samus' back. He wondered what would have happened if Samus was a fellow pirate. He wondered what would have happened if Samus was a dragon like himself. He wondered what would have happened if he and Samus were even friends. And when he wondered what could have happened if both their loneliness got the better of them together, his stomach suddenly winced.

"How utterly... vile!" Ridley's brain scolded him. "I know I'm a despicable space pirate, but I'm not that despicable!"

He looked at Samus' body, and soon began to grow curious. He knew the various armors his former arch-enemy wore well, but he never knew the creature within. Finding the stomach to ignore his better conscience, Ridley gingerly dragged his talon into and across the back of Samus' armor, splitting it from her shoulders to her waist. Ridley pulled apart Samus' armor, seeing a soft, pinkish skin underneath a simple blue leotard. His curiosity now fully ensnared, Ridley sliced open the rest of Samus' armor, and within seconds, Ridley had completely dissected Samus' armor into thin strips of metal, scattering them about the cavern as he tore the armor apart.

Soon, all that was left before Ridley was the lifeless body of Samus, the deep wound in her chest still bleeding heavily. The unarmored body of Samus looked like a completely different creature to him, and Ridley still wanted to see more. Ridley rolled Samus over onto her back, and his eyes suddenly locked on the face of his dead nemesis. Although her face was lined with faint, thin wrinkles, Ridley still noticed how beautiful her long blonde hair was, tied neatly in a ponytail. Ridley gingerly reached up to Samus' face, stroking his claw along her cheek, feeling her skin to be surprisingly soft. Ridley had always thought that humans had thick, shell-like skin, but that was based on how quickly his talons had sliced them apart. Ignoring Samus' bloody wound, Ridley's mind suddenly stopped once his eyes reached her chest.

His mind quickly switched back to his loneliness. He began wishing for a female dragon more than he had ever wished before, and just as Ridley was on the verge of breaking down with angst, a tiny voice in his head squeaked, "There's a female lying down in front of you."

Ridley froze. "How utterly... vile!" He screamed mentally to himself.

But then when Ridley looked at Samus one more time, he quickly found himself acting without thought.

Ridley pulled back Samus' leotard, ripping off the torso, baring Samus' breasts. Ridley gazed at them, fascinated at her unique mamillian featurHer Her dark red nipples quickly caught his attention, and Ridley could only help but wonder why male humans liked to stare at them so much. With his interest quickly lost, Ridley tore off the rest of Samus' leotard, and he was quick to spot what was universally recognized to all males in the universe. Ridley craned his neck down between Samus' legs, and as soon as he laid eyes upon Samus' vagina, Ridley briefly forgot his name.

Ridley's brain was thinking without him. As soon as he saw the bright red flesh inside of her, Ridley felt his pulse thob towards his hips, forcing his penis to stand up straight. Knowing that this may be the last time that he would ever see a female crotch of any species as long as he was a pirate, Ridley let all the wind out of his lungs, waited until he could go no longer without air, shoved his nostrils against Samus' moist vagina and sucked in the deepest breath through his nose than he ever had in his life.

Something within Ridley's mind suddenly snapped. As soon as the scent of Samus invaded his nasal membranes, Ridley's body was on autopilot. With a thin string of drool leaking out of the corner of his jaws, Ridley threw himself upon Samus, jamming himself into her body. Ridley forced himself to thrust feverishly, even though he was twice Samus' size, feeling Samus' insides stretch and tear from his thrusting. Growling and huffing madly, Ridley suddenly quickened his pace, pumping himself in and out of Samus like a machine gun. And then with a drool-filled howl, Ridley released himself, feeling his stomach deplete. Ridley came to a stop, panting and weezing heavily.

Once he had finally caught his breath and his heart steadied, Ridley slowly pulled himself out of Samus, collapsing on his backside as soon as they were seperated. Ridley felt his erection still ticking in the air like a metronome, watching his semen ooze out of Samus' torn-up and bloody vagina. Pressing his penis towards the ground, Ridley waited until it had shrunk back down again before getting back to his feet. Looking back at Samus, Ridley suddenly felt disgusted with himself, a feeling which he had almost forgotten about several years re.
re.

Forcing his eyes off of Samus' body, Ridley stretched his wings, and took to the air.
[/quote]
"Cries"....."Cries"...... :rofl2:

Where do you find these things I don't even...
 
[quote name='Duskye' post='3553076' date='Mar 28 2011, 11:13 PM'][quote name='Law' post='3553041' date='Mar 29 2011, 04:01 AM'][quote name='Guild McCommunist' post='3553022' date='Mar 29 2011, 02:50 AM'][quote name='KingdomBlade' post='3553001' date='Mar 29 2011, 03:42 AM'][quote name='Guild McCommunist' post='3552994' date='Mar 29 2011, 10:37 AM']I absolutely hate fiction. I just don't like things that aren't official canon.[/quote]

You mean fanfiction right? Because if that was actually fiction, that'd be weird.
[/quote]

Yeah, sorry. I'm a bit tired.
[/quote]

me too bro don't sweat it. Fanfiction is fucking weird

NSFW ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD

I will not be held accountable for anything you read in the following spoiler. By opening the spoiler you recieve all responsibility for what you've read and it is entirely your own fault. Do not open the spoiler if you're below a certain age.

Heavy, loud, clanking footsteps echoed throughout the dim cavern, where only tiny slints of light from cracks in the surface made it through so far underground. The steps grew louder and clearer, and he could hear them perfectly in his darkened perch. And as soon as the dark blue figure wandered into the clearing amongst the subterranean rocks below, he stretched his broad wings and swooped like an eagle to a fish upon it. His gleaming talons grasped the blue android by its arms, pinning it to the ground with a crash. The figure only struggled and gasped, "Ridley!"

The giant purple dragon flexed his wings and grinned cruelly at his prey. "It's good to see you again too, Samus."

Samus struggled underneath Ridley's weight, but she only managed to get Ridley to tighten his grip on her limbs. "How many times do I have to kill you, Ridley?" Samus snarled.

"I'll stop bothering you once you're good and dead," Ridley sneidly replied. "How much years have you got left in you? Five? Ten? You humans can barely break eighty, and I doubt you'll last until sixty."

"Wanna know how much longer you'll live?" Samus snarled back, "Two minutes!"

With that, Samus wrenched her cannon arm free and shoved the barrel into Ridley's snout. Ridley barely managed to crane his long neck to the side in time to hear a roaring missile blast by his face. Opening his jaws wide, Ridley lunged his neck downward upon Samus, only to have a taste of the subterranean rock floor fill his mouth when Samus struggled free from his grip. Clambering to her feet, Samus aimed her cannon at Ridley's open ribs and fired another missile. The blast exploded into a shower of flames and shrapnel, thowing Ridley onto his side. Ridley felt his breath begin to grow weaker, knowing he was aging just as Samus was. "I've been killing you over and over for twenty years, Ridley," Samus snarled ready to blow Ridley's head off of his shoulders with another missile. "Maybe this time if I incinerate every bit of your body, you'll stay dead!"

The puddle of mud that Ridley soon found he had his hand in was whipped off the ground a heartbeat later, splattering onto Samus' visor. Samus reeled in surprise, her vison completely obscured by the thick muck. And as she tried to hurriedly rub off the sticky slime from her visor, Ridley took whatever energy he had left in him to struggle to his feet and lunge at Samus with wide-open jaws. His upper jaw grazed into Samus's left shoulder, and his lower jaw snapped shut, tearing underneath Samus' ribcage. And with a vicious tug of his neck, Ridley felt his teeth tear into Samus' armor, feeling bones crush between his jaws. The two of them remained motionless, with Ridley beginning to taste the bitterness of blood gushing down his chin, and with Samus silently shivering. Suddenly, Samus collapsed to her knees, slowly sliding off of Ridley's jaw. Ridley thought he saw their eyes connect for just a split second before he felt Samus' already lifeless-looking suit become completely souless, and when Samus collapsed on her stomach and the last echo of her body hitting the rocky ground bounced out of the cavern, Ridley suddenly felt alone.

Ridley licked the blood off of his chin and from inside his mouth, spitting it out again soon after. "God, I even hate the taste of you," Ridley muttered at Samus' body, flicking out the last of her blood from his teeth with his tongue. The odd sinking sensation he felt in his stomach began to press lower, and Ridley could only wonder why. Being a cheif pirate, he had killed thousands of creatures like Samus before, but now he felt something different begin to swell up within him.

Loneliness. As soon as the word entered his mind, Ridley's eyes immediately focused on what used to be Samus. He was lonely. He was always lonely. He lost count how many years it had been since he had seen another of his kind, since he had seen someone other than a fellow pirate whom he had not killed without so much as a thought. Crouching over the body of his slain long-time enemy, Ridley tapped on the back of Samus' helmet. "Strong, brave, and living the lonely life," Ridley muttered, "We could have been best of freinds."

Ridley wished with all his heart that Samus would reply, but he only got a unnerving silence. Water droplets from miles away in the underground cavens echoed softly throughout the cavern, and Ridley could only let his thoughts rythm to their beats as he looked at Samus' back. He wondered what would have happened if Samus was a fellow pirate. He wondered what would have happened if Samus was a dragon like himself. He wondered what would have happened if he and Samus were even friends. And when he wondered what could have happened if both their loneliness got the better of them together, his stomach suddenly winced.

"How utterly... vile!" Ridley's brain scolded him. "I know I'm a despicable space pirate, but I'm not that despicable!"

He looked at Samus' body, and soon began to grow curious. He knew the various armors his former arch-enemy wore well, but he never knew the creature within. Finding the stomach to ignore his better conscience, Ridley gingerly dragged his talon into and across the back of Samus' armor, splitting it from her shoulders to her waist. Ridley pulled apart Samus' armor, seeing a soft, pinkish skin underneath a simple blue leotard. His curiosity now fully ensnared, Ridley sliced open the rest of Samus' armor, and within seconds, Ridley had completely dissected Samus' armor into thin strips of metal, scattering them about the cavern as he tore the armor apart.

Soon, all that was left before Ridley was the lifeless body of Samus, the deep wound in her chest still bleeding heavily. The unarmored body of Samus looked like a completely different creature to him, and Ridley still wanted to see more. Ridley rolled Samus over onto her back, and his eyes suddenly locked on the face of his dead nemesis. Although her face was lined with faint, thin wrinkles, Ridley still noticed how beautiful her long blonde hair was, tied neatly in a ponytail. Ridley gingerly reached up to Samus' face, stroking his claw along her cheek, feeling her skin to be surprisingly soft. Ridley had always thought that humans had thick, shell-like skin, but that was based on how quickly his talons had sliced them apart. Ignoring Samus' bloody wound, Ridley's mind suddenly stopped once his eyes reached her chest.

His mind quickly switched back to his loneliness. He began wishing for a female dragon more than he had ever wished before, and just as Ridley was on the verge of breaking down with angst, a tiny voice in his head squeaked, "There's a female lying down in front of you."

Ridley froze. "How utterly... vile!" He screamed mentally to himself.

But then when Ridley looked at Samus one more time, he quickly found himself acting without thought.

Ridley pulled back Samus' leotard, ripping off the torso, baring Samus' breasts. Ridley gazed at them, fascinated at her unique mamillian featurHer Her dark red nipples quickly caught his attention, and Ridley could only help but wonder why male humans liked to stare at them so much. With his interest quickly lost, Ridley tore off the rest of Samus' leotard, and he was quick to spot what was universally recognized to all males in the universe. Ridley craned his neck down between Samus' legs, and as soon as he laid eyes upon Samus' vagina, Ridley briefly forgot his name.

Ridley's brain was thinking without him. As soon as he saw the bright red flesh inside of her, Ridley felt his pulse thob towards his hips, forcing his penis to stand up straight. Knowing that this may be the last time that he would ever see a female crotch of any species as long as he was a pirate, Ridley let all the wind out of his lungs, waited until he could go no longer without air, shoved his nostrils against Samus' moist vagina and sucked in the deepest breath through his nose than he ever had in his life.

Something within Ridley's mind suddenly snapped. As soon as the scent of Samus invaded his nasal membranes, Ridley's body was on autopilot. With a thin string of drool leaking out of the corner of his jaws, Ridley threw himself upon Samus, jamming himself into her body. Ridley forced himself to thrust feverishly, even though he was twice Samus' size, feeling Samus' insides stretch and tear from his thrusting. Growling and huffing madly, Ridley suddenly quickened his pace, pumping himself in and out of Samus like a machine gun. And then with a drool-filled howl, Ridley released himself, feeling his stomach deplete. Ridley came to a stop, panting and weezing heavily.

Once he had finally caught his breath and his heart steadied, Ridley slowly pulled himself out of Samus, collapsing on his backside as soon as they were seperated. Ridley felt his erection still ticking in the air like a metronome, watching his semen ooze out of Samus' torn-up and bloody vagina. Pressing his penis towards the ground, Ridley waited until it had shrunk back down again before getting back to his feet. Looking back at Samus, Ridley suddenly felt disgusted with himself, a feeling which he had almost forgotten about several years re.
re.

Forcing his eyes off of Samus' body, Ridley stretched his wings, and took to the air.
[/quote]
"Cries"....."Cries"...... :rofl2:

Where do you find these things I don't even...
[/quote]
They're everywhere...EVERYWHERE!
 
You should see the Monster Hunter one about the female hunter and a nest of Vespoids.
 
[quote name='Law' post='3553088' date='Mar 28 2011, 11:16 PM']You should see the Monster Hunter one about the female hunter and a nest of Vespoids.[/quote]
PLEASE GOD NO!
 
[quote name='Law' post='3553088' date='Mar 29 2011, 04:16 AM']You should see the Monster Hunter one about the female hunter and a nest of Vespoids.[/quote]
..........


Please.....

No.....
 
[quote name='Veho' post='3553398' date='Mar 29 2011, 03:43 PM']Whatchutalkin'bout, fool? Fanfiction is awesome :teach:


APw4r.png



BRILLIANT![/quote]

WHAT-IS-THIS-SHIZ.jpg
 
Peter Chimaera was a troll account.

But fanfiction that's real and even worse exists.
 
[quote name='Law' post='3553887' date='Mar 29 2011, 09:50 AM']Peter Chimaera was a troll account.

But fanfiction that's real and even worse exists.[/quote]

Forbidden Fruit: The temptation of Edward Cullen, or My Immortal. Take your pick.
 
[quote name='Warrior522' post='3555329' date='Mar 30 2011, 12:15 AM']Forbidden Fruit: The temptation of Edward Cullen, or My Immortal. Take your pick.[/quote]

My Immortal is classic, and I've read Repercussions of Evil before and had many lulz.

Half Life: Full Life Consequences is also hilarious, the Garry's Mod videos for it are the best. It receives frequent quotation amongst my friends.
 

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