Pet Owning Tips

[JuanMena]

People on the internet always comes to me asking: Juan, please tell me how to own my pet!
To which I say: Sorry gentleman/gentlelady, I shall not tell you how to own a pet, for I am not qualified to tell you.

Then I had a great idea, and maybe you could help me with it, and finally have my own peace.
You can help me find peace by sharing tips if you own or had owned a pet.

I will start with tip number 1.

Tip # 1:
Never own a turtle for a pet.

• One of the reasons why you shouldn't never ever don't not own a pet turtle, is because they're boring.
• They don't do much. If you want to touch one, most of the times they'll hide in their shells leaving only their feet exposed. Ain't nobody wants to touch that!
• Besides! Turtles breathes through their cloaca when submerged! And everytime you carry one in order to kiss them, they'll release all the water they've breathed in and it's not funny.
• Also, they're slow as fuck, and you can't put them against horse races... so you can't make money with them.
• Turtles won't stop growing and they're more likely to outlive the owner.
• Their stink attracts insects, which often carries parasites and diseases, just like a certain group of people nowadays. Nu-huh.
• Turtle feed is the same as baby human feed... only that turtles are for people with higher IQ than pragnent woman.
• Turtles can spread Salmonella, which is actually good because it means you will eat Salmon each time a Turtle gives you one.
• They're hard to clean if you have crooked teeth, because their shell is hard and scally.
• Everytime you kick one, they'll flip around any kart that happens to be in front of your kart.
• You can always name your Turtle Raphael, Leonardo, Michelangelo or Donatello as well as Bowza, Youshee, Esquirtel, Blastooze, Hendrix or Tony Blair.

So there you go, these are my tips to own a pet turtle.
Share your own tips with the people of the Internet!

 

[Alexander1970]

People on the internet always comes to me asking: Juan, please tell me how to own my pet!
To which I say: Sorry gentleman/gentlelady, I shall not tell you how to own a pet, for I am not qualified to tell you.

Then I had a great idea, and maybe you could help me with it, and finally have my own peace.
You can help me find peace by sharing tips if you own or had owned a pet.

I will start with tip number 1.

Tip # 1:
Never own a turtle for a pet.

• One of the reasons why you shouldn't never ever don't not own a pet turtle, is because they're boring.
• They don't do much. If you want to touch one, most of the times they'll hide in their shells leaving only their feet exposed. Ain't nobody wants to touch that!
• Besides! Turtles breathes through their cloaca when submerged! And everytime you carry one in order to kiss them, they'll release all the water they've breathed in and it's not funny.
• Also, they're slow as fuck, and you can't put them against horse races... so you can't make money with them.
• Turtles won't stop growing and they're more likely to outlive the owner.
• Their stink attracts insects, which often carries parasites and diseases, just like a certain group of people nowadays. Nu-huh.
• Turtle feed is the same as baby human feed... only that turtles are for people with higher IQ than pragnent woman.
• Turtles can spread Salmonella, which is actually good because it means you will eat Salmon each time a Turtle gives you one.
• They're hard to clean if you have crooked teeth, because their shell is hard and scally.
• Everytime you kick one, they'll flip around any kart that happens to be in front of your kart.
• You can always name your Turtle Raphael, Leonardo, Michelangelo or Donatello as well as Bowza, Youshee, Esquirtel, Blastooze, Hendrix or Tony Blair.

So there you go, these are my tips to own a pet turtle.
Share your own tips with the people of the Internet!

You forget one Important Thing to mention,before the People run to the Stores now....

(Land) Turtles are Killers !!!
I have seen and "felt it on my own Body"...

They are dangerous !!!
(Yes,you say now "Nature takes Revenge on me,for what I have done to the Animals...)

 

[JuanMena]

You forget one Important Thing to mention,before the People run to the Stores now....

(Land) Turtles are Killers !!!View attachment 236944
I have seen and "felt it on my own Body"...

They are dangerous !!!
(Yes,you say now "Nature takes Revenge on me,for what I have done to the Animals...)

If that's your tip, you should've used:
"Tip #2"

 

[Alexander1970]

If that's your tip, you should've used:
"Tip #2"

Then please make an Additional Note:

Do not give them Food DIRECTLY,leave it on the Ground and then RUN !!!

 

[JuanMena]

Then please make an Additional Note:

Do not give them Food DIRECTLY,leave it on the Ground and then RUN !!!

That'd be Tip #3.

 

[Nobody_Important4u]

Do not eat your animal, that's a golden tip.