Nothing seems to change... And I feel like I'm stuck in a dream I shall never awake from.
Now that I've said something melodramatic; I should probably start making sense to catch your attention...
NO WAIT!!!
COME BACK!!!
...
Yeah okay... fine... leave... see if I care...
...
...
...
I CARE!!!
It's not like me to be serious around here... but I feel it might help me see something I might have omitted if I tell you a tale of woe, of misery, of deceit, of blah blah blah who really gives a damn, so here is something completely different >_>;
The situation: I feel empty... Like behind all the masks I wear I have no real face...
If I believe a situation calls for me to be depressed, I will be and act depressed...
If a situation calls for me to be happy, I will act happy...
But in whatever situation I take place for, I never truly feel it... I feel like I'm putting on an act for others... A mask, or persona to deal with people and situations.
In truth, I suppose depressed is quite close to how I should realistically feel... I know what I need to do to help myself, but I keep ignoring it, letting myself think that what I need to do is far too much trouble than it's worth... I think it might be a case of over thinking things, that somehow I deserve to live a life of misery for being, acting, and thinking differently from others... I keep finding myself thinking back to an event that should have, in all likely hood, killed me, and to that end, I feel guilty for still living... But then, I can't seem to recall a single moment in my life where I felt life was worth living, I've always found disdain for my life, for my existence, yet never truly saw fit to eradicate it.
All this must paint a picture of a somewhat disturbed psyche. I can appreciate that I probably seem like I have a few screws loose...
If you have gotten this far through my insesent egotistical blathering, know only that I don't want help, or advice, or even your pity. I hope purely, and most likely in vain, that allowing others to get a simple taste of what spawned my twisted psyche will allow me to push myself to overcome it. And hopefully to draw a flame I don't wish to extinguish.
Oh, and I ordered "Warriors orochi 3" and "Final Fantasy XIII-2", so there's that...
Now that I've said something melodramatic; I should probably start making sense to catch your attention...
NO WAIT!!!
COME BACK!!!
...
Yeah okay... fine... leave... see if I care...
...
...
...
I CARE!!!
It's not like me to be serious around here... but I feel it might help me see something I might have omitted if I tell you a tale of woe, of misery, of deceit, of blah blah blah who really gives a damn, so here is something completely different >_>;
The situation: I feel empty... Like behind all the masks I wear I have no real face...
If I believe a situation calls for me to be depressed, I will be and act depressed...
If a situation calls for me to be happy, I will act happy...
But in whatever situation I take place for, I never truly feel it... I feel like I'm putting on an act for others... A mask, or persona to deal with people and situations.
In truth, I suppose depressed is quite close to how I should realistically feel... I know what I need to do to help myself, but I keep ignoring it, letting myself think that what I need to do is far too much trouble than it's worth... I think it might be a case of over thinking things, that somehow I deserve to live a life of misery for being, acting, and thinking differently from others... I keep finding myself thinking back to an event that should have, in all likely hood, killed me, and to that end, I feel guilty for still living... But then, I can't seem to recall a single moment in my life where I felt life was worth living, I've always found disdain for my life, for my existence, yet never truly saw fit to eradicate it.
All this must paint a picture of a somewhat disturbed psyche. I can appreciate that I probably seem like I have a few screws loose...
If you have gotten this far through my insesent egotistical blathering, know only that I don't want help, or advice, or even your pity. I hope purely, and most likely in vain, that allowing others to get a simple taste of what spawned my twisted psyche will allow me to push myself to overcome it. And hopefully to draw a flame I don't wish to extinguish.
Oh, and I ordered "Warriors orochi 3" and "Final Fantasy XIII-2", so there's that...
