@Kafluke
As of now I'm running the HTML only self hosting package on an old
Nexx WT3020 mini router with OpenWRT, powered by one of the USB ports on the Wii U. A quite elegant setup if I may say so myself, at least to be made up with stuff I already had at home, but it would of course be even better with your PHP solution and its 100% success rate
The router only got 8 MB flash, of which most is taken up by OpenWRT. On top of that I'd have to install the PHP engine packages to run your solution, which would leave even less free space. I could of course mount an USB flash drive as www folder and get plenty of space, but the rated current draw of the WT3020 alone is 500 mA, and I really don't want to push it if it can be avoided.
I know it's too much to ask, but would it be possible to compile a lightweight version of your self hosting package, where the www folder weighs in at 1.5 MB or less?
Clickys to start HBL and Loadiine would be enough, the latter for convenience. Anything else would be pure luxury