this blog is about me and my woes. my head's all messed up.
first, i really am tired of everything. i don't have any real thing i like anymore, anything i put my attention to is just a distraction so that i have a reason to keep living. that or i just easily get bored.
i don't like school anymore, i only go because it's what i'm supposed to do. i don't feel the need for other people o be with me, but i do enjoy it if i have a bit of company.
if i do have company, normally you try to get to know about the person, but all i do is find out how should i respond, and for that sake alone, not to befriend that person. and i don't tell them a single thing about me, and when they do ask me, i don't know what i tell them.
in the past 3 months i liked 3 persons, but i think all those were just infatuation, cos if i were to be asked if what i like about them, i would say they're pretty, i like their company but none i really loved.
i know most people wear masks where if you are facing one person you act all good, but when i don't face that person i completely forget about that person.
i'm so tired of change and keeping up with society and how should i look, i can't see my self even days after today. how am i supposed to continue my life?
i don't care about how they did it. why can't i see it for myself, what does other people have, what do you guys have that i don't?
i easily like other stuff but i can also easily let go of them if i need to.
sometimes i can understand a bit of philosophy but why, can't i survive it all seems like playing a game for the first time, you don't know where to go. you see people doing things and i know i can do that, but to get there...i don't know what the process is.
i know i'm writing this now but later what'll i do? watch anime or play a game. i just shift too fast. like a small boat wandering in a vast ocean with a dozen maps but no heading.
on times like this though, i realize my one true dream. to simply know or learn. and i think therein lies the problem. my wish is to simple, but it is only to know, and not to use. which limits me to what i want to do. once i run through it one time, getting into it again out of my own will will be hard. in other words it'll be boring.
however it contradicts my actions of getting absorbed in front of a computer just playing dota or an mmorpg for hours. or why i find being and intern nice.
if i think about it, i think it's because the cycle is too simple. in dota lan, i just sit there, wait for a host, join a game, play, win/lose, join a game, play, win/lose. in an mmorpg, i simply kill mobs, craft weapons armors, pvp. in my internship, well i don't get paid, i simply do what some things they did and i get a meal stub, and have some company. i forget about psp, mmoprg, and other stuff since my vision was limited due to the environment.
i've said to much.
ps - by the time i wrote this line, i've forgotten around 80% of what this post contained.
first, i really am tired of everything. i don't have any real thing i like anymore, anything i put my attention to is just a distraction so that i have a reason to keep living. that or i just easily get bored.
i don't like school anymore, i only go because it's what i'm supposed to do. i don't feel the need for other people o be with me, but i do enjoy it if i have a bit of company.
if i do have company, normally you try to get to know about the person, but all i do is find out how should i respond, and for that sake alone, not to befriend that person. and i don't tell them a single thing about me, and when they do ask me, i don't know what i tell them.
in the past 3 months i liked 3 persons, but i think all those were just infatuation, cos if i were to be asked if what i like about them, i would say they're pretty, i like their company but none i really loved.
i know most people wear masks where if you are facing one person you act all good, but when i don't face that person i completely forget about that person.
i'm so tired of change and keeping up with society and how should i look, i can't see my self even days after today. how am i supposed to continue my life?
i don't care about how they did it. why can't i see it for myself, what does other people have, what do you guys have that i don't?
i easily like other stuff but i can also easily let go of them if i need to.
sometimes i can understand a bit of philosophy but why, can't i survive it all seems like playing a game for the first time, you don't know where to go. you see people doing things and i know i can do that, but to get there...i don't know what the process is.
i know i'm writing this now but later what'll i do? watch anime or play a game. i just shift too fast. like a small boat wandering in a vast ocean with a dozen maps but no heading.
on times like this though, i realize my one true dream. to simply know or learn. and i think therein lies the problem. my wish is to simple, but it is only to know, and not to use. which limits me to what i want to do. once i run through it one time, getting into it again out of my own will will be hard. in other words it'll be boring.
however it contradicts my actions of getting absorbed in front of a computer just playing dota or an mmorpg for hours. or why i find being and intern nice.
if i think about it, i think it's because the cycle is too simple. in dota lan, i just sit there, wait for a host, join a game, play, win/lose, join a game, play, win/lose. in an mmorpg, i simply kill mobs, craft weapons armors, pvp. in my internship, well i don't get paid, i simply do what some things they did and i get a meal stub, and have some company. i forget about psp, mmoprg, and other stuff since my vision was limited due to the environment.
i've said to much.
ps - by the time i wrote this line, i've forgotten around 80% of what this post contained.
