as much as i've grown to spend time here on the 'temp, i've recently come to the conclusion that i'm much, much better off not seeing this place as a social center for me on the internet.
as a writer, i've not gotten much out of sharing the delicate parts of my internal self (here).
as a patient, i've gotten a LOT out of sharing my semi-private blog, made some real breakthroughs, but i also know it's been a mistake to attempt to write for anyone but myself.
as an individual, my best efforts are all elsewhere on the 'net, and i know that i was writing here because i didn't believe in the slightest that anyone would actually go to my own websites to read into my prior work without direction, and maybe even some goading. there's only been a couple exceptions of people who cared enough to really take the friendship outside of the gbatemp medium.
what the above means, is that i was writing here so that some (certain) people here would pay attention or even respect to me, and that's a big mistake for me.
it's a mistake because this is one of the least personal places i've ever spent a lot of time. it was very misguided of me to do something serious here.
this isn't really a goodbye blog, but it's more of an explanation of why i've changed my member title from Angelic Executioner to Inconsequential Defector & Conscientious Objector.
no real good nor ill could come of me choosing not to do creative writing or blogging here anymore, therefore, my departure of allegiance is Inconsequential. I'll stick around for the aspect of helping out in technical areas, as I always have, and keep tabs on the trade forum. i'll probably check into SB and say hi..
but it has taken me a great deal of thought, planning, care (Conscientiousness)-- in order to come to the conclusion that i don't want to be a part of the social community here anymore either. i don't have the energy to devote to resolving misunderstandings, to settle or discard disagreements, to make apologies or accept them; and most especially, i don't have the motivation anymore to impart knowledge, experience, or anything from my heart on the general audience here anymore.
like i said before though-- i'm not leaving. i'm just not tasking myself with being involved with *people* here anymore. i've already gained a handful of meaningful friendships here, that have congealed from scattered messages and conversations.
whether those people want to know me outside of GBAtemp as a person is entirely up to them. i'll check my PMs, i'll probably re-do my profile so there are links to my world that is external from the 'temp.
this is not directed at anyone in particular, only from previous experience:
don't pretend to care when you won't take the time to catch up. don't pretend you're concerned, and then backlog my friendship behind trivial things. just be honest, i won't be offended. i know QUITE WELL that not everyone likes poetry or journals, not everyone even likes to read. i won't be offended if you don't want to read my work, just don't fucking pretend that you do want to merely cause you might think it'll make me happy.
i'm as realistic as possible about being a writer. I EXPECT PEOPLE TO NOT CARE. so it pisses me off tenfold when people are dishonest about their indifference.
i feel protected from the anger i get about such trivial misunderstandings when i write in other mediums like my LJ.. where i have full control over privilege and visibility of all my individual entries.
and anyway, i need to continue my work on http://noun.org again... i've already gotten a couple more contributors, i'm just trying to contact and get permission from the original ones before i put the effort into relaunching it.
Anyway...
Namaste.
as a writer, i've not gotten much out of sharing the delicate parts of my internal self (here).
as a patient, i've gotten a LOT out of sharing my semi-private blog, made some real breakthroughs, but i also know it's been a mistake to attempt to write for anyone but myself.
as an individual, my best efforts are all elsewhere on the 'net, and i know that i was writing here because i didn't believe in the slightest that anyone would actually go to my own websites to read into my prior work without direction, and maybe even some goading. there's only been a couple exceptions of people who cared enough to really take the friendship outside of the gbatemp medium.
what the above means, is that i was writing here so that some (certain) people here would pay attention or even respect to me, and that's a big mistake for me.
it's a mistake because this is one of the least personal places i've ever spent a lot of time. it was very misguided of me to do something serious here.
this isn't really a goodbye blog, but it's more of an explanation of why i've changed my member title from Angelic Executioner to Inconsequential Defector & Conscientious Objector.
no real good nor ill could come of me choosing not to do creative writing or blogging here anymore, therefore, my departure of allegiance is Inconsequential. I'll stick around for the aspect of helping out in technical areas, as I always have, and keep tabs on the trade forum. i'll probably check into SB and say hi..
but it has taken me a great deal of thought, planning, care (Conscientiousness)-- in order to come to the conclusion that i don't want to be a part of the social community here anymore either. i don't have the energy to devote to resolving misunderstandings, to settle or discard disagreements, to make apologies or accept them; and most especially, i don't have the motivation anymore to impart knowledge, experience, or anything from my heart on the general audience here anymore.
like i said before though-- i'm not leaving. i'm just not tasking myself with being involved with *people* here anymore. i've already gained a handful of meaningful friendships here, that have congealed from scattered messages and conversations.
whether those people want to know me outside of GBAtemp as a person is entirely up to them. i'll check my PMs, i'll probably re-do my profile so there are links to my world that is external from the 'temp.
this is not directed at anyone in particular, only from previous experience:
don't pretend to care when you won't take the time to catch up. don't pretend you're concerned, and then backlog my friendship behind trivial things. just be honest, i won't be offended. i know QUITE WELL that not everyone likes poetry or journals, not everyone even likes to read. i won't be offended if you don't want to read my work, just don't fucking pretend that you do want to merely cause you might think it'll make me happy.
i'm as realistic as possible about being a writer. I EXPECT PEOPLE TO NOT CARE. so it pisses me off tenfold when people are dishonest about their indifference.
i feel protected from the anger i get about such trivial misunderstandings when i write in other mediums like my LJ.. where i have full control over privilege and visibility of all my individual entries.
and anyway, i need to continue my work on http://noun.org again... i've already gotten a couple more contributors, i'm just trying to contact and get permission from the original ones before i put the effort into relaunching it.
Anyway...
Namaste.
