So Tempy's what's up,
Remember me? No? That's k I guess. For those who do remember me, they might have seen i've become less active. Yeah, shit happened. Lot's of it. For now it's good, but a lot happened the last year. I'm feeling like writing it down in the hope somebody would maybe use some shit of my personal vent in their own lives as well. Maybe others feel the same way I did. And I need advice. All of that and more in my vent yes™.
So let's rewind to june 2011.. I heard that I came 0,3 points short on exams and failed my graduation. Guess what? Complete damn redux of the complete year. At that time, I thought it couldn't be really bad to maybe redo a year, if my friends were able to keep contact. They went to some sort of college, and I got sort of left behind with a few other friends. Summer passed, and my new year started. Not knowing anybody but the friends I got left, it felt lonely, because I ended up in a class full of strangers all by myself. No big a deal right? It wasn't really... until you start to realize it's a bit empty. See, I sort of rejected everyone around me. Why? Reasons from my past.. I've never been treated well by people, they always judged me for my likes and dislikes, my music, my view on the world and sometimes even for unknown reasons and rumors. That's the sort of life. Always being stabbed in the back. I blocked everyone out at the beginning, feeling more safe in a strange environment. I thought I could easily breeze through the year without anyone to accompany me. I was fucking wrong. I had nobody to talk to, and my old friends cut off contact, except for maybe 1 or 2. (the ones that were my closest friends then.) Left alone again.
At a given moment, a random small girl from my class just walked up to me and started to talk to me, as I was looking, using her words "like somebody she could befriend". So we started talking, and came to the sudden conclusion that we were a lot alike. Awesome for me of course, I found a new friend. So we started talking even more in the weeks to come, I shared stories and we just got along. For the first time since 2 years ago, I could finally feel like having a real friend. It felt a lot better than the ones I had before. Simply put, they were dicks against everyone. Childish etc. We outgrew eachother I guess. As time passed, I've started to befriend one of my older classmates, and unfortunately fell in love with her.. She wasn't really hot looking, but she was kind, something I was looking for.. kindness and certainty. We talked and did some school work together at times I could speak to her and eventually invited her on a date. We went to an event called 'Night of the Lights', a city only lit by candles was the theme. It was fun and relaxed. So we eventually decided that 'maybe we could do something again later'. That was maybe. The next time I asked her to do something, she couldn't come and eventually didn't think it could work... Good job. But I never found out why.. Not even today..
Shouldn't be a big deal right? Wrong. I was unstable at the time, having lot's of trust issues all around me, issue's with myself and issues with my past. Think of it as this huge wall around you, slowly becoming bigger and bigger. To put it poeticaly (what, is that a word, you know what i mean i hope), I was trapped in the dark and lost. Having rejection (friend) as your biggest fear is hard y'know. And thus, rejection from this girl I liked was the last push that was needed to let me fall down. My self confidence, laying shattered all around me, fell with me. You could say that I sank away into semi-depression. (Semi yes, christmas was still there). It took my a very long while to recover. When holidays were over, and when i got back to school, the small girl from my class immediately knew something was wrong. As we talked, she sort of knew how to ease my pain. Frankly, she was talking to a shell. I had no personality anymore. But her kindness spoke to me. I was going to improve myself and be who I wanted to be, not held back by things as having an image.
As time passed, I started to get happy again, and even more happy than before. I finally found what I wanted to do, who I wanted to be, and I've collected an big amount of friends. Fun fact: 80% of my friends were female. Whoop. things started to look brighter. We all had fun and we all eventually passed the exams. Good stuff right? It was all worth it, redoing the year wasn't so bad after all.
So school ended and we all started to hang out.
GBATEMP, this is the part where your advice is needed
One night all of my friends and i were hanging out, and I talked about some stuff I liked. The next day, one of the girls I was talking with that evening (let's call her Luna for now), posted something about the hunger games on FB. I said that I still needed to see it, and she offered to accompany me.. Huh? wait what, reverse date request? Ok... So we spent that night chatting through fb and came to the conclusion that we had a lot in common. She also found it neccesary to say that "I'm not like all the other guys". It seems that my personality troubles came to a good use, the new me was impressing her. So we decided to go to Snowwhite and the Huntsman. Missed the train (derp, stupid me) and finally met her (after the most epic car drive my dad ever performed, he's awesome and said that it was like GTA) at the movies. Went to her place after. Fell asleep on her couch. Yeah. So after that we maintained some contact, and some moments I've became a bit anxious to know if she liked me, because my and Luna's friends (also girls) were constantly whispering to her, and I heard my name plenty of times... yea
So. Now. We both went on vacation, and I want to do something with her again.. It's just that I don't know IF she even likes me. For now, my mood is on Sad-Mode and Regret-Mode, again to issues in the past, and I'm ofc terribly shy. So Gbatemp, whatdo. I don't know where to take her, or what to do. Chatting up would be enough for me, but for now, I fear asking her out, even though she's on my mind 24/7. I'm just not sure if I'm good enough for her. <-Advice would be nice.
So for now, life's became normal-ish again, still in this sad mood. I feel lonely without my friends and it's starting to do horrible stuff with me in my head, but im fighting it.
"So why did you post this bokky"?
Well, I wanted to vent
"but you know, a big part of us come here for fun"
Yeah I know
"So that means troll comments are inbound"
Yeah I know, everywhere on the interwebz it's filled with troll opportunities. But idc. There's also people who actually respond with advice etc.
"...but it's A HUGE WALL OF TEXT"
Yeah, i know, sorry, but if you read it, it will certainly do me good ^^'
As for now, im getting my shit together. Im gaming again, Im back here and Im back in drawing business.
Also if TL;DR and you didnt read it, then don't comment thanks.
Bok out.
Remember me? No? That's k I guess. For those who do remember me, they might have seen i've become less active. Yeah, shit happened. Lot's of it. For now it's good, but a lot happened the last year. I'm feeling like writing it down in the hope somebody would maybe use some shit of my personal vent in their own lives as well. Maybe others feel the same way I did. And I need advice. All of that and more in my vent yes™.
So let's rewind to june 2011.. I heard that I came 0,3 points short on exams and failed my graduation. Guess what? Complete damn redux of the complete year. At that time, I thought it couldn't be really bad to maybe redo a year, if my friends were able to keep contact. They went to some sort of college, and I got sort of left behind with a few other friends. Summer passed, and my new year started. Not knowing anybody but the friends I got left, it felt lonely, because I ended up in a class full of strangers all by myself. No big a deal right? It wasn't really... until you start to realize it's a bit empty. See, I sort of rejected everyone around me. Why? Reasons from my past.. I've never been treated well by people, they always judged me for my likes and dislikes, my music, my view on the world and sometimes even for unknown reasons and rumors. That's the sort of life. Always being stabbed in the back. I blocked everyone out at the beginning, feeling more safe in a strange environment. I thought I could easily breeze through the year without anyone to accompany me. I was fucking wrong. I had nobody to talk to, and my old friends cut off contact, except for maybe 1 or 2. (the ones that were my closest friends then.) Left alone again.
At a given moment, a random small girl from my class just walked up to me and started to talk to me, as I was looking, using her words "like somebody she could befriend". So we started talking, and came to the sudden conclusion that we were a lot alike. Awesome for me of course, I found a new friend. So we started talking even more in the weeks to come, I shared stories and we just got along. For the first time since 2 years ago, I could finally feel like having a real friend. It felt a lot better than the ones I had before. Simply put, they were dicks against everyone. Childish etc. We outgrew eachother I guess. As time passed, I've started to befriend one of my older classmates, and unfortunately fell in love with her.. She wasn't really hot looking, but she was kind, something I was looking for.. kindness and certainty. We talked and did some school work together at times I could speak to her and eventually invited her on a date. We went to an event called 'Night of the Lights', a city only lit by candles was the theme. It was fun and relaxed. So we eventually decided that 'maybe we could do something again later'. That was maybe. The next time I asked her to do something, she couldn't come and eventually didn't think it could work... Good job. But I never found out why.. Not even today..
Shouldn't be a big deal right? Wrong. I was unstable at the time, having lot's of trust issues all around me, issue's with myself and issues with my past. Think of it as this huge wall around you, slowly becoming bigger and bigger. To put it poeticaly (what, is that a word, you know what i mean i hope), I was trapped in the dark and lost. Having rejection (friend) as your biggest fear is hard y'know. And thus, rejection from this girl I liked was the last push that was needed to let me fall down. My self confidence, laying shattered all around me, fell with me. You could say that I sank away into semi-depression. (Semi yes, christmas was still there). It took my a very long while to recover. When holidays were over, and when i got back to school, the small girl from my class immediately knew something was wrong. As we talked, she sort of knew how to ease my pain. Frankly, she was talking to a shell. I had no personality anymore. But her kindness spoke to me. I was going to improve myself and be who I wanted to be, not held back by things as having an image.
As time passed, I started to get happy again, and even more happy than before. I finally found what I wanted to do, who I wanted to be, and I've collected an big amount of friends. Fun fact: 80% of my friends were female. Whoop. things started to look brighter. We all had fun and we all eventually passed the exams. Good stuff right? It was all worth it, redoing the year wasn't so bad after all.
So school ended and we all started to hang out.
GBATEMP, this is the part where your advice is needed
One night all of my friends and i were hanging out, and I talked about some stuff I liked. The next day, one of the girls I was talking with that evening (let's call her Luna for now), posted something about the hunger games on FB. I said that I still needed to see it, and she offered to accompany me.. Huh? wait what, reverse date request? Ok... So we spent that night chatting through fb and came to the conclusion that we had a lot in common. She also found it neccesary to say that "I'm not like all the other guys". It seems that my personality troubles came to a good use, the new me was impressing her. So we decided to go to Snowwhite and the Huntsman. Missed the train (derp, stupid me) and finally met her (after the most epic car drive my dad ever performed, he's awesome and said that it was like GTA) at the movies. Went to her place after. Fell asleep on her couch. Yeah. So after that we maintained some contact, and some moments I've became a bit anxious to know if she liked me, because my and Luna's friends (also girls) were constantly whispering to her, and I heard my name plenty of times... yea
So. Now. We both went on vacation, and I want to do something with her again.. It's just that I don't know IF she even likes me. For now, my mood is on Sad-Mode and Regret-Mode, again to issues in the past, and I'm ofc terribly shy. So Gbatemp, whatdo. I don't know where to take her, or what to do. Chatting up would be enough for me, but for now, I fear asking her out, even though she's on my mind 24/7. I'm just not sure if I'm good enough for her. <-Advice would be nice.
So for now, life's became normal-ish again, still in this sad mood. I feel lonely without my friends and it's starting to do horrible stuff with me in my head, but im fighting it.
"So why did you post this bokky"?
Well, I wanted to vent
"but you know, a big part of us come here for fun"
Yeah I know
"So that means troll comments are inbound"
Yeah I know, everywhere on the interwebz it's filled with troll opportunities. But idc. There's also people who actually respond with advice etc.
"...but it's A HUGE WALL OF TEXT"
Yeah, i know, sorry, but if you read it, it will certainly do me good ^^'
As for now, im getting my shit together. Im gaming again, Im back here and Im back in drawing business.
Also if TL;DR and you didnt read it, then don't comment thanks.
Bok out.
