My Dad is in the Hospital

just found out yesterday that my dad has kidney cancer. my mom hadn't told me for several months, because I don't deal with stress very well anymore. it's in one of his kidneys. I'm not sure if his excessive drinking had something to do with it. I know the doctor said his heart attacks were likely due to his smoking. despite all that, he still drinks and smokes. luckily, the cancer hasn't spread. he's to undergo surgery on the 13th of October to have that kidney removed. tbh, I don't think he's going to live much longer. he's been given a second/third chance by surviving the heart attacks/cancer, but it's unlikely he'll change his lifestyle. one of my friends lost his dad several months ago. I'm not really that close to my dad. we rarely talk, but I feel a little sad.

on a side note, I've been involved with the ps3 scene for about 10 years. I was trying to do the right thing by speaking out against the fact that some people are in the scene for the wrong reason (i.e. efame). I don't care about credit, and I've tried crediting everyone I've learned stuff from or who deserves some recognition. and, despite all that, I was treated like shit. I only mention this because the scars this has left have made me unable to feel deep sadness. I can no longer cry. I lost my two dogs last year (both 13 years old), and I couldn't cry for them. I couldn't cry when my grandmother died either. I've learned to ignore the sadness or find some way to escape it. that's what the scene has done to me. it's why I wrote that "thinking about quitting" blog. I can sympathize with others who've had the same experiences. anyway, this has been one of the shittiest years of my entire life. I think others feel the same way. it's not just covid, but it's everything else on top of that.

@godreborn I would consider speaking to your doctor about how you feel, or a psychiatrist would be even better. Hope your dad does well, sounds like he will. (He needs to calm down on the drinking and smoking after the heart attacks though, though you can't really force people, though you could explain to him that it bothers you)

well, I'm starting to think drinking (maybe smoking too) is a sign of weakness. I used to have a really bad drinking problem, but when you see people act like idiots because they're drunk, it goes from funny to just plain sad. I've seen times where my dad couldn't even stand up or was slurring his words, and it just makes me angry. you'd think that now, with his health problems, it would finally be warning not to live the life that he does, but nope. he now drinks more than ever. he's upstairs right now drinking. he must drink between 90-120 beers a week.

I'm on medical marijuana, and I'm still on July's stash. I have a lot left too, but I also find smoking marijuana to be weak too. I can't get myself to smoke it. I guess I now find any mind altering substance to be a sign of weakness, and that includes medication. I was dependent on alcohol at one time, and it nearly destroyed me. it's sad that others let it destroy them, literally.

ah im the oppisite i dont drink at all ..but i smoke and grow my own weed & i have done forever ..smoking keeps me sane ..drinking only at partys ...... never in the week or hardly at the weekends .

maybe what I have is too weak. I don't really feel any differently, but I did smoke street stuff when it was illegal, and that did have an effect. I think the dugout I have may be shitty. I might need a pipe to take bigger hits. you can get medical marijuana here in Oklahoma for any ailment. it was legalized maybe two years ago. there was recreational on the ballot soon, so maybe that will happen.