I've had a relapse and things feel about the same

Porn is still an issue for me, it is a literal and palpable hell. It has been tormenting me and my biggest fear is people hating me or thinking less of me for giving it up, if that makes any sense. Right now, I'm being my own worst enemy, causing myself to fear irrationally on what will happen when I try to go cold turkey on viewing it, including Source Filmmaker and the like. What will people think of me? What will people do in response? The last thing I want is a falling out with anyone who knows me and when they find out I'm going cold turkey on porn, then what? I know these fears are completely and utterly unsubstantiated, but I still think on what they'll say. What I need to do is focus on more wholesome activities, such as taking RAW photos and editing them in Photoshop, and since I love taking pics of foxes and other adorable animals, I think it's a great whole activity. Photography brings many people, myself included, a lot of joy, Speaking of photos, I want to apologize for not keeping my fox thread up to date, I've been meaning to and I will try to keep it up to day, so, I apologize for that. Um I know I must sound pathetic, and I just don't know how else to word this, I hate this feeling, I hate the literal hell I'm in, this torment. I want to be free from this once and for all, and the first step is admitting I have an issue, the second being removing SFM and all pornographic materials from my PC, saving me countless GB's of space. I just want to thank you for all your support so far, I know I haven't been a good member and have been a pain in many members' side, but still, thank you.
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Comments

x65943
No one is judging you, and pretty much everyone knows how hard it can be to stop watching porn.

Probably the best thing you can do is just like you said, spend more time taking photos.

The easiest way to spend less time on porn is to get out of your house. If you put yourself in a situation where you literally cannot watch porn/masturbate it will be a lot easier to quit.

Now of course there is really nothing wrong with porn - so trying to maybe view it in moderation could help you. But I know some people have to go cold turkey, especially if they have a really strong addiction.

Best of luck man, rooting for you to feel better - which is the most important thing
 
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the_randomizer
Like, the problem is, I have too much time, as I'm currently "unemployed", see, I was supposed to hear back about getting my old job back, as I took a break to get my life back on track. But they claim that I have to wait on their terms to get a spot back. I was supposed to hear by the end of the week, today, and still haven't heard back, and if I had a job, I would be able to easily spend more time away from my room. It doesn't help that my desk is parallel to the other computer desk, currently, my parent's PC and my PC are parallel, but publicly available in an open room. If I faced my desk perpendicularly to theirs, we both could see each other's screen,deterring my viewing porn to a much smaller level. So that's what I have to do, and as for SFM and all the files, art, I will delete those as well. It's been hell, but hey, I want to thank you for being supportive, it really does mean a lot to me :wub:
 
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jt_1258
Kinda hard for me to relate as I have never understood what it's like to actually want to see people nude but at the same time I get where your coming from about being paranoid about something that may not even be that big of a deal.
 
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the_randomizer
It doesn't even bring me joy, only temporary joy, but it's short-lived, whereas photos do, foxes and other floofy sweet animals bring me and others joy.
 
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x65943
Porn is like eating a cookie, one is never enough

And after you have had like 20, all that is left is self loathing and regret
 
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the_randomizer
That's actually a really good analogy, and the thing is, when I post fox pics, share experiences and educate people about exotic animals, I feel endorphins and dopamine, I feel gratified in having told people about my passion, you know? See that's good for me, it's psychologically beneficial to me and others, and I feel like it's kinda my calling. Video games too, watching Netflix, hanging out with friends, all these things feel good.
 
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DinohScene
You where addicted to porn?
Hm, learned something new every day.

Eh, dun sweat it matey.
Road to recovery from addiction is difficult, I know it all to well.
 
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grey72
What works for me is being in public for as much as possible. Can't look at porn in front of people now can you?
 
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the_randomizer
@DinohScene It's not something I'm proud of, much less to admit it, but people don't seem to be judging me regarding my weaknesses, so I can take consolation in knowing that. Thank you *hugs* :wub:
@grey72. exactly, if I move my desk to be perpendicular to the other PC used, we'll see each other's monitors, and it's near impossible for me to view said images. That said, I have purged all the files, programs, etc associated with porn from my PC. It's cathartic to say the least.
 
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FAST6191
This is all news to me.

However if it is something you do the whole psychological addiction thing for, or if that is not diagnosed then just something you find to be an unhealthy relationship, then I hope you can get where you need to be.
While I would reckon most people can handle it just fine, and find no moral reason not to indulge if that is your inclination, if it is something that causes you problems then I can happily say that anybody that would look down upon you for actively attempting to forgo it is a cunt and happily dismissed as far as this is concerned. Sounds like you have a reasonable displacement method as well, even if I find editing RAW photos more of a pain than just going JPG.
 
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S
@grey72 You can and it's a handy way to keep a public bench to yourself.
 
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the_randomizer
@FAST6191 Yeah, I figured I may as well confess it, as I trust many people on here, enough to also admit that the first step to fixing a problem is admitting I have one. The thing about the porn is that I would often turn to is as a means of coping with anxiety and stress. And while it would offer temporary relief, it wasn't a good solution, as it wasn't enough, this goes back to the cookie analogy, one isn't enough. Whereas photos, sharing my stories on foxes with others, is something that brings me far more joy than viewing explicit materials, but ultimately some studies show that it can royally eff up your brain chemistry. Does the brain recover and reverse after abstaining, yes, but it can take a long time for it to balance back to normal. That said, I appreciate your support as well, I'm not going to do this alone, that'd be foolish, but with a support system, I can't go wrong.
 
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M
NoFap is a troll,you know there is no scientific evidence for it right?
 
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the_randomizer
Please try to keep this on topic, I'm serious here, I don't care what's a troll and not, I have a problem and I'm venting to you people. Thank you.
 
snails1221
Wow a fellow addict, now that's something I didn't expect to see here. I'm currently 425 days free. Quitting was probably the hardest thing I've ever done. Don't beat yourself up over a relapse, even a day of abstaining is progress. It took me 2 years of trying to finally quit for good and trust me, it has not been an easy road. Quitting was also the best decision I've ever made, I feel alive once again. I would highly recommend checking out /r/NoFap or /r/PornFree if that's more your thing. Both have great and incredibly supportive communities.
 
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aykay55
Growing up in a Muslim family, self-control is one thing that I learned very early on (like when fasting for a month from sunrise to sunset). Looking back now, the practices in Islam and really any religion teach you that at the end of the day you are the one in control of yourself and what you do, and no amount of therapy, medication or anything else will work unless you start the change from within. It can be really hard to resist temptations, especially when your brain is wired a certain way which makes it almost impossible to avoid them. However, our brains are neuroplastic, which means they are capable of changing. And that means that you can change as well. Like you were probably told as a child, if you want to break a bad habit, you have to make yourself want to stop doing it. The same way parents would dip your hands in lemon juice so when you went to bite them, you would gag for a good 5 seconds. And so, maybe you should make a jar, and for every minute you watch porn, you put $1 in the jar. At the end of the week, you donate all the money in the jar to a local charity/church. And so, if you want more money to spend freely, you will begin to resist the temptation to watch porn. And eventually, you might be able to kick the habit entirely. I really hope you try it and I really hope it helps.
 
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the_randomizer
Thank you for that response, and for all the support you've all posted so far, I can't begin to tell you how much this has meant to me :3
 
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Quantumcat
Congrats, getting over addiction is very hard. Not sure why you think people would think negatively about you not using porn, isn’t that a good thing?! Not using porn I would associate with being a “good” person like using the gym regularly or giving to charity or being a vegetarian
 
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grey72
Can't stress that enough, nofap is beyond bullshit. I'd say it's nearing cult status judging by their forums and subreddit. I do think you can get "addicted" (MASSIVE airquotes) to porn, but nofap is DEFINITELY not the answer. Stay far, far away from it
 
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