I have no motivation for anything right now, and I honestly don't know what to do. all I want to do is play games. There's some things I enjoy to do, I love painting controllers, and such. I'm mediocre at drawing, I mostly do it to impress people, though I do like it.
I looked up, and my depression(self diagnosed, but I think it's pretty acurate), and it would be best described as High-functioning depression, or dysthymia, I like it called the latter. So many things I want to do, but I just can't, and everything I do usually falls apart, even things I enjoy, like painting. My Joycon I painted, has a problem with the ZR, probably fixed, But more problems are gonna arise eventually. I have two Commissions I need to do, that I was supposed to do last week, and still haven't done. Im supposed to be done school already. I try several times to get fit and get healthy, everytime it fails. I'm not in terrible health, or bad shape or anything, but I could easily be better. I want to start coding in C##, seems fun, and the little VB I know, I enjoy. So many things I need to do, I can't,
everything is more of a chore than it is, There's only one person I actually want to be with, and I barely get to see them. I want to stay in bed, and avoid all the pain. I want to play games, because they seem to be the only thing that works.
I'm scared to tell my parents, if they don't beleive me, they'd think I just want attention, I kinda thought I just wanted attention at first sorta, but actually looking into these feelings, they aren't "natural" Like Yes, people do feel sad, but they do not always feel sad. And if they do believe me, I don't want to get medicated, because of side affects, and i've heard stories where someone's friend takes medication for his problem, and he basically turns into someone else. I know my thoughts are already Unbalanced and lean towards the Pessimistic side, but I don't want it leaned in some way I can't see.
My anxiety is way worse though, someone doing one simple thing, and I instantly think they hate me. I wrote someone a dm asking how they were, they went offline a couple minutes after, and I was pretty sure they disliked me. I deleted the dm shortly after. Later the same person wrote me back, asking what the dm said.
Idk, sure, I should probably get help, but how, and will it really help?
I looked up, and my depression(self diagnosed, but I think it's pretty acurate), and it would be best described as High-functioning depression, or dysthymia, I like it called the latter. So many things I want to do, but I just can't, and everything I do usually falls apart, even things I enjoy, like painting. My Joycon I painted, has a problem with the ZR, probably fixed, But more problems are gonna arise eventually. I have two Commissions I need to do, that I was supposed to do last week, and still haven't done. Im supposed to be done school already. I try several times to get fit and get healthy, everytime it fails. I'm not in terrible health, or bad shape or anything, but I could easily be better. I want to start coding in C##, seems fun, and the little VB I know, I enjoy. So many things I need to do, I can't,
everything is more of a chore than it is, There's only one person I actually want to be with, and I barely get to see them. I want to stay in bed, and avoid all the pain. I want to play games, because they seem to be the only thing that works.
I'm scared to tell my parents, if they don't beleive me, they'd think I just want attention, I kinda thought I just wanted attention at first sorta, but actually looking into these feelings, they aren't "natural" Like Yes, people do feel sad, but they do not always feel sad. And if they do believe me, I don't want to get medicated, because of side affects, and i've heard stories where someone's friend takes medication for his problem, and he basically turns into someone else. I know my thoughts are already Unbalanced and lean towards the Pessimistic side, but I don't want it leaned in some way I can't see.
My anxiety is way worse though, someone doing one simple thing, and I instantly think they hate me. I wrote someone a dm asking how they were, they went offline a couple minutes after, and I was pretty sure they disliked me. I deleted the dm shortly after. Later the same person wrote me back, asking what the dm said.
Idk, sure, I should probably get help, but how, and will it really help?
