I'm not one to write long rants and raves.. Let alone blog posts.. but I need an outlet to vent and try to gather my thoughts. Hm..
Anyway. A brief introduction. I'm 25, live in the Midwest part of the United States. I own my own home, 2 cars.. I have a kid and a fiancee.. A steady form of income.. So, what reason would I have to write a post titled "Depression..."? I don't know.
It's been something I've struggled with for at least 7 years now. It actually all started in January of 2010.. A few months before I graduated. My then girlfriend broke up with me because I wasn't giving her space... She was my first love, and for a while after, my only. Those few months leading up were a disaster for me.. I skipped school, stayed home and disappeared for long periods. Broken and alone. I didn't know what to do. I was 18, just got out of a 17 month relationship.. My first, no less. I couldn't handle it. Graduation came, and we walked together. That didn't help.. I moved to Missouri to get away from it all and to be with the other part of my family. Came back November of that year because of her... She met someone and had troubles with the relationship. She had promised to be with me again. So, I came back... That didn't work.
Fast forward roughly a year, to August of 2011. That summer had a been one of blackouts and uncontrollable breakdowns. Lovely. I decided to register for college. My roommate was a friend I had known for ~5 years at the time. He's the one who I partied with and hung around. I'll admit, I was desperate, so I didn't care who my friends were at the time. That fall semester was when I started hanging out with this girl that I went to high school with. We had chatted a few times before, but never really knew each other. She'd come over and watch me play Halo on the amazing dorm internet. We'd watch Netflix and fool around. Well, she was also seeing this abusive asshole and couldn't bring herself to leave him. I was sympathetic. I used to care more for even a total stranger than myself.
A year later, we're "together" but he's still involved and around. Turns out she didn't know who to choose. Me? ..or him? Well, she got pregnant... Haha.. OOPS. She was so sure that HE was the father. I was adamantly against that. So, I stayed with her through the pregnancy while he ran away to Colorado. Fast forward to April 2013.. The birth month. I never got a text.. but a beautiful baby girl was born the morning of April 25.. Guess who was there? Yup. Him. I didn't go, because I don't like conflict. So, me being the very mature person I am? I start freaking out and ripping her a new one. This asshole leaves... and comes back not even knowing whose child it is? COOL! I loved it.
Come May, shit really hit the fan. She tried to contact me and tried to see me.. but I didn't want to. I start getting emails and texts threatening my life.. From who? Yup.. HIM. So, I tell this asshole to get a test.. because it totally skipped their minds. Turns out? It's not his.. He leaves after some serious drama. So, I move in. Well, in June or July, she raids my Facebook messages.. and finds that I was drunk messaging a girl across the nation. Keep in mind, she told me the baby wasn't mine and that she wanted to be with this asshole. So, I didn't cheat or anything. I'm not saying it's right.. Anyway, she throws a massive fit.. and will NOT let me live it down.. even 4 years later.
Now, 2017, I'm trying to live with her and I DO love her.. and our daughter.. but I don't know if it'll last. Between feeling a sense of imprisonment and whatever friends I may have had no longer being around? I don't know how to feel or what to do. Talking about this to anyone close results in drama as nobody wants to remedy a situation. Yes, even HER. So, I'm at a loss..
Anyway. A brief introduction. I'm 25, live in the Midwest part of the United States. I own my own home, 2 cars.. I have a kid and a fiancee.. A steady form of income.. So, what reason would I have to write a post titled "Depression..."? I don't know.
It's been something I've struggled with for at least 7 years now. It actually all started in January of 2010.. A few months before I graduated. My then girlfriend broke up with me because I wasn't giving her space... She was my first love, and for a while after, my only. Those few months leading up were a disaster for me.. I skipped school, stayed home and disappeared for long periods. Broken and alone. I didn't know what to do. I was 18, just got out of a 17 month relationship.. My first, no less. I couldn't handle it. Graduation came, and we walked together. That didn't help.. I moved to Missouri to get away from it all and to be with the other part of my family. Came back November of that year because of her... She met someone and had troubles with the relationship. She had promised to be with me again. So, I came back... That didn't work.
Fast forward roughly a year, to August of 2011. That summer had a been one of blackouts and uncontrollable breakdowns. Lovely. I decided to register for college. My roommate was a friend I had known for ~5 years at the time. He's the one who I partied with and hung around. I'll admit, I was desperate, so I didn't care who my friends were at the time. That fall semester was when I started hanging out with this girl that I went to high school with. We had chatted a few times before, but never really knew each other. She'd come over and watch me play Halo on the amazing dorm internet. We'd watch Netflix and fool around. Well, she was also seeing this abusive asshole and couldn't bring herself to leave him. I was sympathetic. I used to care more for even a total stranger than myself.
A year later, we're "together" but he's still involved and around. Turns out she didn't know who to choose. Me? ..or him? Well, she got pregnant... Haha.. OOPS. She was so sure that HE was the father. I was adamantly against that. So, I stayed with her through the pregnancy while he ran away to Colorado. Fast forward to April 2013.. The birth month. I never got a text.. but a beautiful baby girl was born the morning of April 25.. Guess who was there? Yup. Him. I didn't go, because I don't like conflict. So, me being the very mature person I am? I start freaking out and ripping her a new one. This asshole leaves... and comes back not even knowing whose child it is? COOL! I loved it.
Come May, shit really hit the fan. She tried to contact me and tried to see me.. but I didn't want to. I start getting emails and texts threatening my life.. From who? Yup.. HIM. So, I tell this asshole to get a test.. because it totally skipped their minds. Turns out? It's not his.. He leaves after some serious drama. So, I move in. Well, in June or July, she raids my Facebook messages.. and finds that I was drunk messaging a girl across the nation. Keep in mind, she told me the baby wasn't mine and that she wanted to be with this asshole. So, I didn't cheat or anything. I'm not saying it's right.. Anyway, she throws a massive fit.. and will NOT let me live it down.. even 4 years later.
Now, 2017, I'm trying to live with her and I DO love her.. and our daughter.. but I don't know if it'll last. Between feeling a sense of imprisonment and whatever friends I may have had no longer being around? I don't know how to feel or what to do. Talking about this to anyone close results in drama as nobody wants to remedy a situation. Yes, even HER. So, I'm at a loss..
)