Is marriage actually worth it?

Marriage is literally for religious people; which I am sure, none of us are really religious at all.

Like most have said, a legal document is pretty much all you need.

In my case, I don't want to do anything formal. I just want to at least get with my boyfriend; but that's already proving hard enough since distance is a bitch.

Although, all I can say is do what you think is best for you. Not really what others say you need to do.

If we need to figure out if something is worth it then we have to figure out what it is.

Three main aspects
Social/cultural
Religious
Legal

The lines get so very blurred with time, jurisdiction, location, social group and more. Location can also be within the same country ("does it touch water or Canada?" likely being the dividing lines to start with) -- the various amounts of religion within different parts of the US maybe speaking to something.

Earlier it was mentioned "my parents remarried several times" and other times I have heard the phrase "I am a child of divorce".
My immediate guy reaction is "so?". I view it as largely inconsequential and if it bothered you (beyond financial/legal extremism that the system encourages, more on that later) then you are weird. On the flip side though I am a bastard in name as well as nature so I have immediate first hand evidence that it all does not make a difference.

The social thing is a fun one. Within living memory then the ramifications of divorce were far different, and may still be amount different age ranges, classes and extend of religious affiliation (my 25 year old manual labour working friend being divorced works rather different to a 60 year old couple with lots of money and a bit of religious stuff still going on). Or if you prefer is "living in sin" something you out of touch dementia addled relatives mention if you go visit them and not much else?

There are also the mechanical aspects.
Does it allow easier travel papers? Does it allow easier finances (be it credit, taxes, insurance)? Does it prolong relationships (if I can walk away easily I will, if I am going to have trouble doing that my approach may be different, and indeed knowing that I try never to be legally tied down to anything for costs I can't afford to lose)?
I don't care about the former, in the UK then not in any manner that likely matters to me and if that is a selling point of a concept you are already onto a loser.

Said "can't afford to lose" thing also complicates matters. There is an old joke "Why is divorce so expensive? Because it is worth it." which says a lot of what you might wish to know here. A lot of western style divorce is almost a prisoner's dilemma (two people divorcing, two do nothing and it is amicable, one blows up and the other tries amicable and the amicable one will be nailed hard, two blow up and only the lawyers win but hey), worse still is it is played multiple times with many chances for people to escalate it with often minimal costs for coming second in escalation. I have no idea when the legal system of various places might catch up to reality here, however between traditionalism, the generally slow pace of judicial reform and the obscene amounts of money made in what various legal traditions call family law I am not expecting anything especially fast moving. To that end caveat emptor, may the buyer beware.

Religion then. Religion is almost dead in the UK as far as state religions go and it is pretty much only old people or people that brought a religion with them when they wandered in that do it. That said I have never heard a compelling religious argument for it -- sometimes religions can incorporate some solid pragmatical arguments or something but not here.

At the same time as the above then while long term, largely monogamous and emotionally committed relationship may not be for me it does seem to be an arrangement that demonstrably works for a lot of people so there is that. If then you also want to get some jewellery (pro tip -- costume jewellery is good stuff), have a party or something*, do some kind of promises or whatever then knock yourself out.

*I don't know if it is because my friends are all different to their families but I have friends where watching them down a beer, jump on a motorbike, do a burnout around an entire field, crash, dust themselves off and proceed to play with a bong is fairly standard party activity. Why I would want to meet their straight laced cousins (and they would want to meet me, and that number gets multiplied by however many come to such things) I am not sure. To that end I find wedding parties to be odd things.

The issue is that too many people marry because its sort of "the norm"

i think mariage can be a good thing but it is overused

If you really love her, and that outside of just love the dynamic of your relation is good then yes
otherwise heck no

Are you saving your virginity until marriage? I was, but now that I've had sex and am married I have mixed feelings about it. I think sex is really overrated in the United States, and it's too much of a "taboo" subject when it really shouldn't be. Yes, there's a part of me that's happy I was able to "give" my V-card to my partner, and my total number of sexual partners is 1, which is wayyyy below the average for a 30-year-old. But then there's another part of me that looks back at all the fun I missed out on both in High School and College, and I often wonder whether waiting was really worth it. I think if I had to start life from the beginning again, and knew what I know now, I'd live life a little more frivolously. But you have to make your own decisions on that.

^ Kind of got off topic there but for some people sex and marriage go hand-in-hand.

You mention you're trying to get into college, and your girlfriend is in college as well. College was 4 of the best years of my life. I would definitely hold off on marriage until after you've both completed college, too many life-altering things happen there. I can honestly say I was still making discoveries about who I was back then, and I'm a different person now. The same person who might have been a good match for me before college would not be a match for me now, so I'd say wait and see.

You've already said neither one of you plan on having kids, so I really don't see any reason to hurry and get married. Take your time, enjoy dating, you've probably heard this over and over again but things change when you're married and you're "stuck with" a partner. I really don't think you can truly know someone well enough to make a life commitment like that until you've been with them for at least 2+ years, perhaps even longer but everyone's situation is a little different.

@RHOPKINS13
I haven't been a virgin for like 10 years now, so yeah...I would like to mention that I am going to be 27 next month and I was actually in relationship for 10 years before ending it and getting together with my girlfriend back in October. I have a rather lengthy series of blogs talking about my life over the past couple of months. Just gonna mention that we actually aren't planning on getting married, the topic just happened to be fresh on my mind from a conversation and I felt like bringing it up because I thought it would be interesting to hear what the Temp had to say about the topic of marriage.
I should really add context and mention that we live together and we've known each other for about 2 years now. We were actually very close before getting together and she helped me out an abusive relationship. That being said, marriage was just a topic sparked by a cool ring we found and I thought it would be fun to bring up the topic on the Temp and get some feedback on the topic. I am not actually making any decisions based on this blog nor am I planning on making any life changing decisions until I get my life in order first.

Well, I'm going to take this to a far higher legal level than I've seen anyone else here take it so far. In the United States, if you and your partner live together for 25 years, on documents, you are legally considered married; whether or not you've actually had a wedding and everything is a different story. Now, if you two have been living happily together for 24 years, and are about to hit that 25, then I think it's safe to say you two could get married without hitting any problems you haven't already hit.

I honestly think marriage is a waste of time, money and effort. I've seen too many marriages end in divorce. Some even get married just for the benefits (taxes, credit, etc.) It's not proof you love someone. It's a superficial way of saying "you're mine" and doesn't mean what it used to.

@sarkwalvein In the U.S. it depends on your household income. You can get a marriage bonus or penalty on taxes.

It all really come down to this, do you or can you imagine yourself being with this woman for the rest of your life? Can she do the same about you? Knowing how both families are, maybe even how they are with each other (if of course the families have met at all), do you think it would work out. Would you be faithful with this woman no matter what, because you will always be tested/tempted during marriage, just a test of your faith. Bare in mind that you two are also going to college, within that time many things can change, I am NOT saying it will change, I am merely saying there MIGHT be a change of plans. College is pretty rough sometimes, other times it is smooth. There are a lot of people who are married 20-30 years and get a divorce, it has happened many times (not trying to sound like a downer or anything, I am just showing the reality here of what MAY happen), so the best thing to do is really think about this entirely, this is not only your future you are talking about here, this is also the future of your girlfriend as well. Marriage is always a grand thing to do, but there is always pros and cons to everything, and I won't make a list of 20 reasons why as marriage is different for everyone. So basically, be thorough when you think about this, cover every single base with this plan. There is nothing wrong with a change of heart either.

Just think, this is coming from a guy who has never been in a relationship before in his life, made it through high school and all without one. May not have any sort of experience personally, but I can definitely understand better than you think lol.

Sure are a lot of damaged people in this blog, lol.
Marriage (outside of the legalities) is just a symbol of unity. I like the concept of it, and the idea of others failing doesn't really deter me. The divorce statistic is heavily skewed the wave of morbid stupidity that has washed over the world these days.

If you're happy with someone and genuinely think you could be together forever, there's really no reason not to get married. Weddings are fun even if you're not a social person. Being common law isn't a whole lot better in a lot of cases, if you're looking to avoid trouble.

People just need to stop making rash decisions. Most failed marriages are simply because people didn't actually learn if they can handle being together. Rushing into marriage is retarded, not marriage itself. People are too damn impatient these days.

Marriage is a waste of money imo. But, it's your life, do what you want.

it is good if bith of you work as you have to pay less tax

only reason for me ever to get married and marriage is a religious act and I despise any kind of religion

depends...the question as to why a marriage is even needed comes to mind
I guess one reason may be that it's a commitment that patially surrounds making sure the two stay together after doing the act and being around for raising said child together but then again there are plenty of couples that tie the knot and never have/get a child. Is it out of tradition or is there a reason to marry that I do not forsee.

I wonder how marriages will be affected in the future when people start to extend their lives. Will people be willing to marry knowing they will be stuck with the same person past 100, 200, or 300.

I expect a lot of people in today's day and age to question marriage, nobody today seems to understand the concept of love and or marriage. I mean come on most people think sex is the definition of love after all, pretty retarded if you ask me. I don't mean to sound rude or anything either, it's just WOW. With everything I see so far, most comments more than likely relate to people having issues with being with one person their whole life, and you know what, I am getting the vibe that people question marriage or being with just one person the rest of their lives because they prefer to sleep around with a million different people than to actually understand what true love is with the person they are supposed to be faithful too. If you are truly in love with someone, then there is absolutely no reason not to get married to them, there is no reason to check someone else out, you have your crush, your dream guy (in a woman's case) or woman (in a man's case), with you forever till the day you die. Love that will never break regardless of the problems, illnesses, tragedies, etc that the couple may endure along their journey. If that is too complicated for people to handle then there is a HUGE issue, maybe some people just don't deserve it. People take love for granted, it's really sad. Marriage isn't supposed to be easy, it's supposed to have its challenges, that's what makes the marriage between two people even better for them, because if they can survive all that crap then nothing can stop them. It's one thing to have a girlfriend or boyfriend, it's another when you are married to someone.

I think love feels new and magical right now, but it's a good idea to wait a couple years before taking a big step to assess how you really feel.

In a similar situation with a break up and new girl I am madly in love with - but it's important to see how the emotions settle after a little bit.

I know you said you want to wait anyway, so I guess I am not really offering any new advice.

As to is it worth it. If you both want it, then it's worth it. As simple as that. Not a necessity, but the commitment that comes along with it can be really rewarding.

Let's be serious: Marriage, after all, means nothing. That's a fact. The best day of your life? (as people say about the bride when they talk about marriage) C'mon. Is the wedding day better than ANY other day of your life with her? If that's so, you should maybe reconsider your relationship. It's like Valentine's day, where you can tell her all the love you have. You must be kidding. You can't say all the love you have for another person any other day, or in any other day?

Well, my point is: As valentine's (for example), marring somebody doesn't mean you love her more or you want to spend the rest of your life with her. You can do all of that without marrying. It's just another day of your life (full of happiness, perhaps) that costs (normally) a ton to just get a paper signed.

Of course, this is the logical answer everybody should admit, because that's it: another day in your life that doesn't mean anything different from the other days (or doesn't make you capable of demostrate any other day or the rest of your life (both of you)) with a paper signed at the end of the day.

Now, I also think, that marrying your girlfriend could be beautiful, and probably she and of course you, would love to do that because both of you love eachother, and that is the best thing you could have. A person who you could believe blindlessly (which you shouldn't... because after all, everybody lies).

In the end, if you like the idea of marrying your girlfriend and so does she, do it. It will be a wonderful day for you and (probably hahaha) both of your families. Just take in account that marrying anybody doesn't make you or her, love or care for the other one more than not being married.

If you finally marry her, congratulations for both of you!

Maybe I will marry my girlfriend too, since she is becoming crazier with the idea each day it passes

I'm surprised you aren't taking advantage of everything (I haven't been reading your blogs often), but if you still work at WM, I believe they'll help you go to college--there are also tons of other things WM does for their employees, though you have to do research.

People who get married shortly after graduating HS don't last because they don't know what they want. They fantasize about the idea of being in love forever (mostly from movies, books, and music videos), but an adult perspective to love is: understanding the difference that love, as a "feeling" will fade (usually quickly), compared to love, as a choice.

Love, as a choice, shows that people choose to love another, more than they would love themselves. Real love is suffering unjustly without an expectation to get anything in return. Real love is forcing yourself to give 100% of your time, energy, finances, and attention. Real love is one of the hardest sacrifices you can make--but that's what a real love is and when both choose to love on that level, it's one of the most beautiful things.


This is why young couples often fail--they don't understand the depth of the heart.

I could go on, but now, I hurt.

Me bf wants to marry me.
It's just putting our names on a slip of paper, sign some legal documents and be done with it.

Fuck going through church ceremonies and stupid wedding parties.
Fuck that.

I don't really know how to weigh in on the matter, as I'm 35 and never been married... My girlfriend and I have been dating 3 and a half years now, and I know she's the one I want to marry, but she's still not divorced from her slimeball ex. Morally speaking, I can't rightfully propose to a married woman. So I'm thinking of hitting up her best friend to see if we can get the divorce ball rolling, because she's really privy on legal stuff to help us out.