As promised, I'd write a blog entry explaining all what happened between me n me bf the past 3 months.
I can't remember all of it seeing a fuck ton happened but eh, I'll try to write down as much as I remember.
Atleast they key points are there, minor details and minor incidents I prolly have forgotten.
I actually also kinda want to forget it ever happened, seeing I've done some extremely desperate things due to it.
As many or some of you know, Thor is me boyfriend.
I always loved since the first time we met back in February this year.
We both decided not to continue, seeing I was a sexual polygamist n he a monogamist.
We refer his ex as "the monster" seeing we decided that who ever speaks it's name is washing his mouth with soap.
Anyway~
Back in July, me broke up with me ex as we where drifting apart.
Him liking others things then I did, him also slowly caring less about me (at least, for me feel that was)
Later in July, me n Thor finally got a relation <З
Much much happiness ofcourse n_n
But, it didn't last long before his ex started fucking things up.
Lasted roughly 3 weeks before this whole drama started.
Small background on him and his ex.
He and his ex did nothing but argue and fight.
His ex used violence on him as well.
Not to mention that whenever they got into a fight or argument, his ex would just ignore Thor, being extremely childish about it.
Thor, with good intention would then try to make it right again but his ex just bluntly ignores him.
After a while, his ex would come crawl back, like a little kid asking for a sweet.
I don't know how Thor managed to put up with that but eh .-.
The first break up they had was of some guy that wanted to get his ex into bed.
He succeeded in that (I think... and knowing his ex, he did)
They got together again but the fighting didn't end.
Thor got more n more distant of him due to that, up to a point where me n Thor where talking all night long (I trying to calm him down n finding a way to make it right again)
Early July, Thor wanted to end it n broke up with him.
His ex didn't took that lightly unfortunately.
His ex told Thor that he couldn't date any of his friends (ehh.. you've got no right to tell someone not to date someone ._.)
His ex then (a day or 2 after I broke up with me ex) tried chasing me.
I, knowing what type of person he is (non gamer, Jersey shore loving drama queen, slutty drunk even when committed) obviously knew how late it was.
He was trying to prevent Thor from contacting me or at least, making me unavailable for him.
Seeing that it never work out between me and "that monster" he tried chasing another good friend of Thor.
Week orso later, when me n Thor got something, he somehow snapped from jealousy.
He said to Thor that he wants the best for him but....
His ex started to fake depression over the break up, fabricating things he did to himself.
Starting drama against Thor, he kept on bugging the fuck out of him.
He also started manipulating Thor, manipulating him... badly, giving him pretty much no option but to comply.
Anyway, the weekend that plunged me down into depression, anxiety and hysteria started off bad to begin with.
I was driving towards me boyfriend, having nothing but a good feel for the weekend, lots of cuddling and what not.
Arriving at his place, I saw him Skype chatting with that monster.
The entire Friday, I barely got to say anything to me bf as that monster constantly asked for his attention.
His ex would watch telly the entire skype call, barely saying a word, Thor on the other hand would then just play games, me... I was just being bored, smoking fag after fag .-.
Thor also barely hugged me that weekend and we went to sleep barely saying anything to eachother.
Me, started to fear losing him, asked whats up n he kept saying nothing much.
Eventually me just laid with me arms round his waist n head on his lap, scared as fuck, pretty much begging him to never leave me.
That moment, everything went down hill.
He said he could never promise me that n me asked whats up.
Due to the manipulation of that monster, Thor started blaming all the fights as his fault, pretty much setting his ex as the victim of it.
He then told me that his ex threatened him that if he didn't broke up with me, his ex would slit his wrists.
After 2 hours of me hugging him asking if he knows it for sure (the only answer I got was "I don't know") I packed me things and left.
Walking to me car, I was hoping Thor would run outside n say it's just one big mistake.
That hope just faded when I sat down, waiting 1 more minute I drove off.
Couple of km's outside his town on a small parking spot along the highway, I completely broke down.
I texted his ex, congratulating him that he got his ex back and that he lost a friend.
One week passed before Thor started texting me again, saying that he and that monster again where fighting.
I told him that I knew that would happen n that I would forgive him.
Thor was slowly coming back to me n his ex kept on manipulating him again and again.
I told Thor that he should cut off his ex, seeing his ex would just continue manipulating him and making more drama but Thor wouldn't listen.
Month orso in, Thor pretty much was determined to go back to me but was still a little distant of me.
We where supposed to go to a meeting together n he said he already fixed transportation.
Unknowing to me, he meant his ex with it.
I was talking to a friend of him n he told me Thor was arriving by car.
Didn't took long to figure out Thor meant his ex with transportation.
I got quite upset about that n drove to his house, checking if it was true.
15 minutes of ringing his doorbell and I knew he was at his ex.
I texted him that he had a fucking lot to explain to me.
Arriving home at 4:30, barely sleeping and waking up again at 9 to head towards the meet, he finally showed up.
Me n him had a little talk n I forgave him.
He realized he was treating me badly cause of making me wait before he came back to me.
His ex caught wind of that and got desperate.
Thing is (I found out about that later)
His ex was dating someone on that time, his ex also told Thor that he only keeps Thor so he won't be alone.
His ex was having his bf over when Thor also was at his place.
That monster and his "bf" where doing nothing but cuddling etc.
Basically pretty much ignoring Thor completely.
When when they arrived at the meeting, They walked hand in hand, that monster completely ignoring Thor.
When his ex saw us making up n smiling to each other again, he completely started ignoring his new bf and fully focusing on breaking us apart again.
Well.. he managed.
Thor told me he wanted to have his mind under control again before committing to me again.
However, that was more downfall then good doing.
His ex was starting to spread lies.
Telling his best friends that Thor was at his place and that they hugged n cuddled lots.
Telling that Thor said that he never was so extremely unhappy before when he was with me.
That Thor hated me etc.
His ex also wanted me to commit suicide (seeing I already was extremely depressed by all this) and if I didn't do it meself, he'd do it for me.
That same night I make a desperate move.
Traveling 200 km/h where 100 is allowed, I raced towards Thor, just wanting to know what was going on.
All I remember was begging him, struck by paranoia.
I told Thor the things I heard from a friend of that monster and Thor denied everything.
He was never there and proved me as well.
After that Thor was determined to get back to that monster as well.
Thor promised me to not keep me waiting any longer (this however fell short)
This was in ~mid September.
In the mean time that monster kept on manipulating Thor and pushing him.
Luckily with a lesser positive outcome for him as Thor got sick of the way that freak was acting.
Things would continue until the 31st of October unfortunately.
Me constantly trying to softly push him and fighting for him.
Slowly losing more feelings for him in the mean while.
Mid October, me picked Thor up to go to a meet.
Things started out well, us two holding hands whilst driving n such, being a bit happy with each other.
However on the meeting, Thor promised me he'd stick by me side but broke that promise.
That monster was following him everywhere and it irked the fuck out of me.
I told him that several times but he seemed to be indifferent to it ;/
Worst thing has yet to come.
Me ex Unix started talking to me again.
7 long hours I have been talking to him, he said he still loved me.
I told Thor that me ex was talking to me again.
He showed signs of jealousy n immediately said "meh I luv chu" whenever Unix his name came up.
Couple of days later, I told Unix that I loved Thor more then I loved him and that I'm picking Thor.
Luckily, he didn't took it heavily n wished me good luck.
Halloween meet 31st of October was a real turning point.
I told a friend of mine that things went down incredibly heavy and that I pretty much lost all of me feels for Thor.
I had nothing left it felt.
Me n Thor went in private for an hour or 2 ish, nothing but talking.
Fun thing is, his ex, who saw Thor on the train station, was pulling on his arm and forcing him to stay with him etc.
He saw us two talking lots n got salty over it.
He left as neither of us nor others saw him again.
Not only that but the ATM also swallowed his bank card as well ;')
Anyway, 31st was a real turning point, as from that moment, everything got better n better.
We started to go to each other each weekend again n where just happy again.
Ofcourse, me pushing Thor to cut off that monster kept on going as I have fought far to much to give up right now.
2 weeks orso ago, Thor finally snapped at that monster and broke him completely (seeing the things that monster did to him)
The 28th we saw him again on a meet n he walked up to us.
We both just stone cold ignored him and he left ;')
Trying to stand with other people but no one seems to like him anymore.
Last 1.5 months are so vague to me that I barely recall them.
Apologies if the last part seems to be quickly put down.
I'm a bloody fool for wanting Thor back as me bf.
The amount of shit he pulled on me, the amount of times he abused me trust...
But I'm positive he's the one for me, as he makes me happy and I make him happy.
I've had to endure night terrors, actual fear of falling asleep, knowing I wouldn't get a good nights rest.
Major depression, extreme paranoia, hysteria, anxiety, stress etc.
I've been taking Prozac for the majority of the time to counteract it, didn't help much unfortunately.
I've tried committing suicide twice, had an almost relapse back to addiction 3 times.
Idk how many times I've broken down in a panic attack.
Paranoia has helped me believe impossible things at the time.
Those 3 months are literally a black page in me history book.
I'm extremely glad that this is all over.
Finally, things are back the way they used to and I couldn't be more happy with him c:
Thor on the other hand also attempted to kill himself.
Unsuccessful luckily, but due to his attempt, doctors pointed him towards psychiatrics or something.
Those wankers basically crippled him.
He needs medication which is vital for his life and they pretty much deny giving him that.
Not to mention that with his build up debts, he barely gets money to pay for food etc.
As for his ex, I can't care what happens to him.
He never existed to me, he gave me back the 20 quid he owed me.
One thing he successfully managed to do is destroy our lives.
He drove me into depression, paranoia, suicide.
He drove Thor into depression, suicide, financial problems (tho that's taken care of)
Hopefully early '16, Thor and me be living together c:
Spending what's left of our lives together <З
Again, it might seem odd to read through or even vague.
I just tried me best to remember what happened n wrote that down.
Keypoints are there, it's just written with a mind who just got out of a 3 month long hysterical drama.
I can't remember all of it seeing a fuck ton happened but eh, I'll try to write down as much as I remember.
Atleast they key points are there, minor details and minor incidents I prolly have forgotten.
I actually also kinda want to forget it ever happened, seeing I've done some extremely desperate things due to it.
As many or some of you know, Thor is me boyfriend.
I always loved since the first time we met back in February this year.
We both decided not to continue, seeing I was a sexual polygamist n he a monogamist.
We refer his ex as "the monster" seeing we decided that who ever speaks it's name is washing his mouth with soap.
Anyway~
Back in July, me broke up with me ex as we where drifting apart.
Him liking others things then I did, him also slowly caring less about me (at least, for me feel that was)
Later in July, me n Thor finally got a relation <З
Much much happiness ofcourse n_n
But, it didn't last long before his ex started fucking things up.
Lasted roughly 3 weeks before this whole drama started.
Small background on him and his ex.
He and his ex did nothing but argue and fight.
His ex used violence on him as well.
Not to mention that whenever they got into a fight or argument, his ex would just ignore Thor, being extremely childish about it.
Thor, with good intention would then try to make it right again but his ex just bluntly ignores him.
After a while, his ex would come crawl back, like a little kid asking for a sweet.
I don't know how Thor managed to put up with that but eh .-.
The first break up they had was of some guy that wanted to get his ex into bed.
He succeeded in that (I think... and knowing his ex, he did)
They got together again but the fighting didn't end.
Thor got more n more distant of him due to that, up to a point where me n Thor where talking all night long (I trying to calm him down n finding a way to make it right again)
Early July, Thor wanted to end it n broke up with him.
His ex didn't took that lightly unfortunately.
His ex told Thor that he couldn't date any of his friends (ehh.. you've got no right to tell someone not to date someone ._.)
His ex then (a day or 2 after I broke up with me ex) tried chasing me.
I, knowing what type of person he is (non gamer, Jersey shore loving drama queen, slutty drunk even when committed) obviously knew how late it was.
He was trying to prevent Thor from contacting me or at least, making me unavailable for him.
Seeing that it never work out between me and "that monster" he tried chasing another good friend of Thor.
Week orso later, when me n Thor got something, he somehow snapped from jealousy.
He said to Thor that he wants the best for him but....
His ex started to fake depression over the break up, fabricating things he did to himself.
Starting drama against Thor, he kept on bugging the fuck out of him.
He also started manipulating Thor, manipulating him... badly, giving him pretty much no option but to comply.
Anyway, the weekend that plunged me down into depression, anxiety and hysteria started off bad to begin with.
I was driving towards me boyfriend, having nothing but a good feel for the weekend, lots of cuddling and what not.
Arriving at his place, I saw him Skype chatting with that monster.
The entire Friday, I barely got to say anything to me bf as that monster constantly asked for his attention.
His ex would watch telly the entire skype call, barely saying a word, Thor on the other hand would then just play games, me... I was just being bored, smoking fag after fag .-.
Thor also barely hugged me that weekend and we went to sleep barely saying anything to eachother.
Me, started to fear losing him, asked whats up n he kept saying nothing much.
Eventually me just laid with me arms round his waist n head on his lap, scared as fuck, pretty much begging him to never leave me.
That moment, everything went down hill.
He said he could never promise me that n me asked whats up.
Due to the manipulation of that monster, Thor started blaming all the fights as his fault, pretty much setting his ex as the victim of it.
He then told me that his ex threatened him that if he didn't broke up with me, his ex would slit his wrists.
After 2 hours of me hugging him asking if he knows it for sure (the only answer I got was "I don't know") I packed me things and left.
Walking to me car, I was hoping Thor would run outside n say it's just one big mistake.
That hope just faded when I sat down, waiting 1 more minute I drove off.
Couple of km's outside his town on a small parking spot along the highway, I completely broke down.
I texted his ex, congratulating him that he got his ex back and that he lost a friend.
One week passed before Thor started texting me again, saying that he and that monster again where fighting.
I told him that I knew that would happen n that I would forgive him.
Thor was slowly coming back to me n his ex kept on manipulating him again and again.
I told Thor that he should cut off his ex, seeing his ex would just continue manipulating him and making more drama but Thor wouldn't listen.
Month orso in, Thor pretty much was determined to go back to me but was still a little distant of me.
We where supposed to go to a meeting together n he said he already fixed transportation.
Unknowing to me, he meant his ex with it.
I was talking to a friend of him n he told me Thor was arriving by car.
Didn't took long to figure out Thor meant his ex with transportation.
I got quite upset about that n drove to his house, checking if it was true.
15 minutes of ringing his doorbell and I knew he was at his ex.
I texted him that he had a fucking lot to explain to me.
Arriving home at 4:30, barely sleeping and waking up again at 9 to head towards the meet, he finally showed up.
Me n him had a little talk n I forgave him.
He realized he was treating me badly cause of making me wait before he came back to me.
His ex caught wind of that and got desperate.
Thing is (I found out about that later)
His ex was dating someone on that time, his ex also told Thor that he only keeps Thor so he won't be alone.
His ex was having his bf over when Thor also was at his place.
That monster and his "bf" where doing nothing but cuddling etc.
Basically pretty much ignoring Thor completely.
When when they arrived at the meeting, They walked hand in hand, that monster completely ignoring Thor.
When his ex saw us making up n smiling to each other again, he completely started ignoring his new bf and fully focusing on breaking us apart again.
Well.. he managed.
Thor told me he wanted to have his mind under control again before committing to me again.
However, that was more downfall then good doing.
His ex was starting to spread lies.
Telling his best friends that Thor was at his place and that they hugged n cuddled lots.
Telling that Thor said that he never was so extremely unhappy before when he was with me.
That Thor hated me etc.
His ex also wanted me to commit suicide (seeing I already was extremely depressed by all this) and if I didn't do it meself, he'd do it for me.
That same night I make a desperate move.
Traveling 200 km/h where 100 is allowed, I raced towards Thor, just wanting to know what was going on.
All I remember was begging him, struck by paranoia.
I told Thor the things I heard from a friend of that monster and Thor denied everything.
He was never there and proved me as well.
After that Thor was determined to get back to that monster as well.
Thor promised me to not keep me waiting any longer (this however fell short)
This was in ~mid September.
In the mean time that monster kept on manipulating Thor and pushing him.
Luckily with a lesser positive outcome for him as Thor got sick of the way that freak was acting.
Things would continue until the 31st of October unfortunately.
Me constantly trying to softly push him and fighting for him.
Slowly losing more feelings for him in the mean while.
Mid October, me picked Thor up to go to a meet.
Things started out well, us two holding hands whilst driving n such, being a bit happy with each other.
However on the meeting, Thor promised me he'd stick by me side but broke that promise.
That monster was following him everywhere and it irked the fuck out of me.
I told him that several times but he seemed to be indifferent to it ;/
Worst thing has yet to come.
Me ex Unix started talking to me again.
7 long hours I have been talking to him, he said he still loved me.
I told Thor that me ex was talking to me again.
He showed signs of jealousy n immediately said "meh I luv chu" whenever Unix his name came up.
Couple of days later, I told Unix that I loved Thor more then I loved him and that I'm picking Thor.
Luckily, he didn't took it heavily n wished me good luck.
Halloween meet 31st of October was a real turning point.
I told a friend of mine that things went down incredibly heavy and that I pretty much lost all of me feels for Thor.
I had nothing left it felt.
Me n Thor went in private for an hour or 2 ish, nothing but talking.
Fun thing is, his ex, who saw Thor on the train station, was pulling on his arm and forcing him to stay with him etc.
He saw us two talking lots n got salty over it.
He left as neither of us nor others saw him again.
Not only that but the ATM also swallowed his bank card as well ;')
Anyway, 31st was a real turning point, as from that moment, everything got better n better.
We started to go to each other each weekend again n where just happy again.
Ofcourse, me pushing Thor to cut off that monster kept on going as I have fought far to much to give up right now.
2 weeks orso ago, Thor finally snapped at that monster and broke him completely (seeing the things that monster did to him)
The 28th we saw him again on a meet n he walked up to us.
We both just stone cold ignored him and he left ;')
Trying to stand with other people but no one seems to like him anymore.
Last 1.5 months are so vague to me that I barely recall them.
Apologies if the last part seems to be quickly put down.
I'm a bloody fool for wanting Thor back as me bf.
The amount of shit he pulled on me, the amount of times he abused me trust...
But I'm positive he's the one for me, as he makes me happy and I make him happy.
I've had to endure night terrors, actual fear of falling asleep, knowing I wouldn't get a good nights rest.
Major depression, extreme paranoia, hysteria, anxiety, stress etc.
I've been taking Prozac for the majority of the time to counteract it, didn't help much unfortunately.
I've tried committing suicide twice, had an almost relapse back to addiction 3 times.
Idk how many times I've broken down in a panic attack.
Paranoia has helped me believe impossible things at the time.
Those 3 months are literally a black page in me history book.
I'm extremely glad that this is all over.
Finally, things are back the way they used to and I couldn't be more happy with him c:
Thor on the other hand also attempted to kill himself.
Unsuccessful luckily, but due to his attempt, doctors pointed him towards psychiatrics or something.
Those wankers basically crippled him.
He needs medication which is vital for his life and they pretty much deny giving him that.
Not to mention that with his build up debts, he barely gets money to pay for food etc.
As for his ex, I can't care what happens to him.
He never existed to me, he gave me back the 20 quid he owed me.
One thing he successfully managed to do is destroy our lives.
He drove me into depression, paranoia, suicide.
He drove Thor into depression, suicide, financial problems (tho that's taken care of)
Hopefully early '16, Thor and me be living together c:
Spending what's left of our lives together <З
Again, it might seem odd to read through or even vague.
I just tried me best to remember what happened n wrote that down.
Keypoints are there, it's just written with a mind who just got out of a 3 month long hysterical drama.
