I have been following the "gaming" scene online since about seven years ago. I religiously followed multiple news sites throughout most of my youth, and even into adulthood. I even skipped work a few times to watch the E3 presentations live on my computer, and engaged in long drawn out "console wars" conversations with my co-worker. You might assume then, from hearing all that, that I am an avid gamer. You would assume wrong.
You see when I was a younger man, around 14, I would hang out at my friends house and we would spend hours sitting in-front of the T.V taking it in turns to play all manner of games. On the warm summer holidays, I would go round to his house at 7am, he would make a bacon sandwich for us both and then we would load up the Playstation. Back then I used to dream of being older and having all the latest consoles and games at my disposal. I laughed at my older siblings who were working full time and didn't even have a console. "Crazy" I called them. How could you not buy the new Final Fantasy when you have so much spare money?
Then Xbox Live came out, and with it Halo 2. Now around this time I had a small circle of friends I used to hang out with after school. There was the kid who lived down the road, the kid who lived across town, and my brother who lived with me at the time. We were all around 13-15 and were, for lack of a better term, nerds. 3:15 rolled around and we would all log on to go a few(hundred) rounds of Halo before bed time. Then I got a girlfriend.
Now I bet you're expecting me to say about how a girlfriend made me quit games and start focusing on girls. Well you would only be half right. I did start spending more time with girls, but I didn't stop playing games. I would still spend maybe 3 or 4 nights a week playing online. No, it would be a much less interesting thing that sparked my slow descent into the land of the non-gamers.
I was about 17, I had just left school and was starting A-levels. I had an Xbox 360, a few choice games, and an Xbox Live account. I came home from school one day, fired up the Xbox and loaded up a game. (I forget which, I think it may have been Viva Pinata) I played it for five minutes, before a vicious, childhood ending series of thoughts popped into my head. "Why are you playing this game? what's the point? how will this benefit your life?" ...I shook it off. That was the first time I can recall thinking about a game in this light. I switched it off, maybe that game wasn't for me. I put in a more action orientated title and booted it up. Again, the thoughts crept into my head. "This is pointless. You are playing a predetermined pattern of 1s and 0s" I remember trying a few more titles that night before giving up and putting my Xbox away.
I remember that night as the night I stopped enjoying video games. Ever since then game after game has been the same old pattern. I play it for five minutes, I question why I am bothering with it, and I turn it off. That still continues, even to this day. There is maybe one choice game that I can play sporadically for slightly longer periods but that is tied into nostalgia goggles and remembering better times.
The bizzare thing about my situation is that there hasn't been one day, even after that "event" where I haven't followed the games news sites. I would follow the exciting build ups of new releases, find out all the information about new games coming out, watch developer diaries, speculate on sequel, new IPs, console wars, everything. But secretly, whilst my friends were enjoying their new games I would quit after a few minutes and pack them away in my cabinet.
A few years later I found GBAtemp, Xboxscene, a few other places. I began getting interested in console modding, custom firmwares, flashing, repairing and burning. It was so interesting to me at the time, mainly because it was mostly other young kids doing these amazing things with their machines. I was astonished by how smart they were and tried to learn as much as possible from them.
So that pretty much brings me up to modern day. I still don't enjoy playing games that much. I'd say the closest I get is spending 10 minutes playing on my 3DS on the train home from work. I haven't touched my Xbox in a year, I have a PS3 that I haven't even set up once. Several PSPs hanging out around the house. It's strange. I feel like a hoarder, or like there's something wrong with me because everyone else I know can sit down and play their Xboxes for 3-4 hours at a time no problem. Here's me, a guy who by all means should love games, who follows the gaming news, who owns all the consoles, follows the scenes, discusses them several hours a day and I can't sit down and enjoy a game without feeling like I'm wasting my life.
Sorry for the weird ramble there fellas, just felt like I had to get that one out in text form.
You see when I was a younger man, around 14, I would hang out at my friends house and we would spend hours sitting in-front of the T.V taking it in turns to play all manner of games. On the warm summer holidays, I would go round to his house at 7am, he would make a bacon sandwich for us both and then we would load up the Playstation. Back then I used to dream of being older and having all the latest consoles and games at my disposal. I laughed at my older siblings who were working full time and didn't even have a console. "Crazy" I called them. How could you not buy the new Final Fantasy when you have so much spare money?
Then Xbox Live came out, and with it Halo 2. Now around this time I had a small circle of friends I used to hang out with after school. There was the kid who lived down the road, the kid who lived across town, and my brother who lived with me at the time. We were all around 13-15 and were, for lack of a better term, nerds. 3:15 rolled around and we would all log on to go a few(hundred) rounds of Halo before bed time. Then I got a girlfriend.
Now I bet you're expecting me to say about how a girlfriend made me quit games and start focusing on girls. Well you would only be half right. I did start spending more time with girls, but I didn't stop playing games. I would still spend maybe 3 or 4 nights a week playing online. No, it would be a much less interesting thing that sparked my slow descent into the land of the non-gamers.
I was about 17, I had just left school and was starting A-levels. I had an Xbox 360, a few choice games, and an Xbox Live account. I came home from school one day, fired up the Xbox and loaded up a game. (I forget which, I think it may have been Viva Pinata) I played it for five minutes, before a vicious, childhood ending series of thoughts popped into my head. "Why are you playing this game? what's the point? how will this benefit your life?" ...I shook it off. That was the first time I can recall thinking about a game in this light. I switched it off, maybe that game wasn't for me. I put in a more action orientated title and booted it up. Again, the thoughts crept into my head. "This is pointless. You are playing a predetermined pattern of 1s and 0s" I remember trying a few more titles that night before giving up and putting my Xbox away.
I remember that night as the night I stopped enjoying video games. Ever since then game after game has been the same old pattern. I play it for five minutes, I question why I am bothering with it, and I turn it off. That still continues, even to this day. There is maybe one choice game that I can play sporadically for slightly longer periods but that is tied into nostalgia goggles and remembering better times.
The bizzare thing about my situation is that there hasn't been one day, even after that "event" where I haven't followed the games news sites. I would follow the exciting build ups of new releases, find out all the information about new games coming out, watch developer diaries, speculate on sequel, new IPs, console wars, everything. But secretly, whilst my friends were enjoying their new games I would quit after a few minutes and pack them away in my cabinet.
A few years later I found GBAtemp, Xboxscene, a few other places. I began getting interested in console modding, custom firmwares, flashing, repairing and burning. It was so interesting to me at the time, mainly because it was mostly other young kids doing these amazing things with their machines. I was astonished by how smart they were and tried to learn as much as possible from them.
So that pretty much brings me up to modern day. I still don't enjoy playing games that much. I'd say the closest I get is spending 10 minutes playing on my 3DS on the train home from work. I haven't touched my Xbox in a year, I have a PS3 that I haven't even set up once. Several PSPs hanging out around the house. It's strange. I feel like a hoarder, or like there's something wrong with me because everyone else I know can sit down and play their Xboxes for 3-4 hours at a time no problem. Here's me, a guy who by all means should love games, who follows the gaming news, who owns all the consoles, follows the scenes, discusses them several hours a day and I can't sit down and enjoy a game without feeling like I'm wasting my life.
Sorry for the weird ramble there fellas, just felt like I had to get that one out in text form.
