comcast here, we apologize for your issue, it turns out your optic fiber cable is out of pixels bandwith, would you like to upgrade to our premium package with more pixels?
this new premium package guarantees that the light inside the optic fiber travels at double speed!
and don't forget this package will increase the quality of sound while streaming from the internet... doubling the light speed in the optic fiber makes sure the light runs faster than the sound, thus ensuring your mixtape not only comes at full quality but with the extra bandwith you can download microsoft solitair collection highscores faster!
of course you don't! optic fiber is only availabe at NSA headquarters, it's a technology not available to consumers (other companies are lying if they said you get fiber)
however we deliver 150mbps trough your dial up connection.
however we can't guarantee that your dial up supports these so high speeds.. we can only promise our devices blast the phone line at 150mbps, but we can't be sued if only packets of 64kbps will get to you...