TotK Dungeons

I've now finished the first four dungeons in TotK, and...I'm so very much underwhelmed with their quality; they barely deserve to be called "dungeons" when this series has done so much better in the past.

The first Temple I cleared here was the Wind Temple, and I do like the idea - navigating a warship, and all. The boss, Colgera, was also quite cool. However...we've had a ship dungeon before, in Skyward Sword (the Sandship), which was much more impressive, and had proper dungeon design - a cool miniboss, puzzles unique to this dungeon, and a dungeon item (the Bow). Sure, okay, the Sandship wasn't floating in midair, but it's still a much more impressive ship.
The main goal of the Wind Temple is to locate a number of wind turbines and use Tulin's power to activate them, in order to unlock a massive floor grate and fight the boss. Okay, sure, why not? This Temple is wind-themed, after all.

The second Temple was the Water Temple, and...ugh, that's not even a dungeon. It's literally just a bunch of floating platforms and a few taps (faucets, as they're called in-game). Design-wise it's horrific; how did this manage to get past Quality Control or Assurance? The so-called "puzzles" are dead simple, and the goal is...to use Sidon's power to activate some waterwheels, in order to turn the taps on and wash away the sludge...okay, that's the same thing as the Wind Temple. OoT's confusing Water Temple aside (which was improved in OoT3D, by the way), we've had better water dungeons before - plenty of them. TP's Lakebed Temple, for instance, or MM's Great Bay Temple, are two that immediately stand out as much more unique and fulfilling and FUN. Even Skyward Sword's Ancient Cistern was better than this pathetic excuse. Or fuck, BotW's Vah Ruta, despite how confusing the trunk-manipulation element was and how it also lacked proper dungeon design - it's still superior to TotK's Water Temple.
The boss, Mucktorok, just caps off how disappointing this incarnation is; it's incredibly lame, being a wholly unthreatening midget creature who uses its sludge to assume the form of a shark. What a downgrade from Colgera.

Next was the Fire Temple, and the goal is even more arbitrary than the first two - ring some gongs with Yunobo's spin-dash. At least the first two were machinery so they made some sense; gongs? Really? Also it's the exact same goal as the first two; okay, it's getting ridiculous now. What happened to clever, unique dungeon design, hm?
As for the Temple itself...it's confusing, and takes some time to figure out how to direct the rails. I suppose that's the point of a dungeon, to provide interesting challenges, but it's just the one puzzle type. OoT's Fire Temple had more to offer than just one puzzle type, as did TP's Goron Mines, and even Skyward Sword's Fire Sanctuary - so once again, TotK falls short of traditional design. Why do people love this game so much? I just cannot see it.

Lastly, for now, the Lightning Temple. First off, I don't like Riju as a character, nor do I like the Gerudo culture (misandry is disgusting, even if Link doesn't need to crossdress this time - imprisoning a man just because he wanted to see his daughter and wife is wrong), so it already had that going against it. As for the building itself...we've had desert dungeons before, such as the Arbiter's Grounds and OoT's Spirit Temple (and the Sandship, technically), and those were far more solidly designed. Here, it's a basic direct-the-light-with-mirrors puzzle, with the only confusing part being locating the light sources; once that's done, it all but solves itself for you, it's so easy. And guess why you need to illuminate light switches? So Riju can use her power to activate devices, just like the other three (in the form of so-called "batteries"). It's rote bullshit by now.

I'm so incredibly disappointed in Nintendo right now - one of TotK's marketing points was the return of dungeons, to be more in-line with traditional games in that way. Yet what we got was nothing at all like them. If they're not going to make any new traditional games, then at the very least port TP HD and TWW HD over to the Switch, or Switch 2, to give us something to actually enjoy.
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