Chibi Robo was fun little franchise that lasted from 2006-2015, but it's failure was caused by Nintendo being stupid. Like, srsly.
Chibi Robo was released on a lunch box that was made into a failed console.
Chibi Robo (DS) was sold at a hell on Earth, and most of the games were only in Ja-fucking-pan. Then, there was the straw that broke Wave's back (thx Nintendo). Chibi Robo (loads gun and points it at my head) Ziplash.
Dear god...
(SMPTE Tone)
Now what's it about, you ask, playing your Switch and Steam Deck and fancy ass PC setup all while keeping a (special edition) 3DS and Wii U on a trophy case. Weeeelll...
Nothing but aliens stealing resources from real life locations so now Chibi has to pull the plug out of his ass and throw it at people.
PROBLEM ONE. IT'S TOO DAMN GENERIC!!!
You take an obscure robot from a game where you fix the marriage between a kid's toys hoarding dad and self loathing wife into INDIANA JONES ON "WHIP-PETS" (my drummer hung himself to prevent further rimshots to my stupid jokes so I installed laugh tracks) going through a claustrophobic, bland, and saddening version of MINECRAFT.
PROBLEM TWO: META REFERENCES.
Damn it. That stupid robot that guides Chibi around breaks the fourth wall CONSTANTLY without STOP! He's going off, calling the locations "levels" and the enemies "bosses" all while doing this to break the fourth wall. Thanks Nintendo, I ALWAYS WANTED VELMA TO HAVE A FUCKING VIDEO GAME TIE IN!!!
OH WAIT NINTENDO PREDICTED VELMA NEVER FUCKING MIND THAT!!!!
PROBLEM THREE. It smells like my ass and tastes as good as a broom that vacuums flavor out of people who waste their time coughing into the coffee.
Chibi Robo Butt Plug is TOO MUCH TO BEAR. I thought I scraped the bottom of the Barrel. I've played Bubsy 3Deez Nuts, Arthur! Ready to Drive under Influence, and Powerpuff Girls Chemical Overdose. I thought I knew what shitty games were. But no. Nintendo made this game to kill Chibi Robo, no doubt about.
But do I think this kind of idea had some potential? Unfortunately... No.
Nintendo was shitting out so may 2D games at the time that Chibi Robo Ziplash only blended in with the crowd rather than stick out, plus there are so much better games that use the idea of a whip and turns it into an in-game mechanic. Like... Shant- no. God no pls go back.
(SMPTE Tone)
Like... Star Wars tieins? Do those have any whips used as weapons? Oh wait that's just the Sail Barge with the slave girls. God damn it...
All in all, Chibi Robo Ziplash tastes like a broom, smells like my ass, sounds like a cheap jumpscare waiting to happen, looks like a shit log after a bar party, and feels like a porcupine quill crossbred with a bullet. It's beyond asinine. In fact, it's probably a torture method used by Nintendo inflicted upon anyone who asked for a US localization of Mother 3.
Say it with me now, IT'S. JUST. BAAAAAAD.
(Repositions gun) now if you excuse me... (Pulls trigger)
Chibi Robo was released on a lunch box that was made into a failed console.
Chibi Robo (DS) was sold at a hell on Earth, and most of the games were only in Ja-fucking-pan. Then, there was the straw that broke Wave's back (thx Nintendo). Chibi Robo (loads gun and points it at my head) Ziplash.
Dear god...
(SMPTE Tone)
Now what's it about, you ask, playing your Switch and Steam Deck and fancy ass PC setup all while keeping a (special edition) 3DS and Wii U on a trophy case. Weeeelll...
Nothing but aliens stealing resources from real life locations so now Chibi has to pull the plug out of his ass and throw it at people.
PROBLEM ONE. IT'S TOO DAMN GENERIC!!!
You take an obscure robot from a game where you fix the marriage between a kid's toys hoarding dad and self loathing wife into INDIANA JONES ON "WHIP-PETS" (my drummer hung himself to prevent further rimshots to my stupid jokes so I installed laugh tracks) going through a claustrophobic, bland, and saddening version of MINECRAFT.
PROBLEM TWO: META REFERENCES.
Damn it. That stupid robot that guides Chibi around breaks the fourth wall CONSTANTLY without STOP! He's going off, calling the locations "levels" and the enemies "bosses" all while doing this to break the fourth wall. Thanks Nintendo, I ALWAYS WANTED VELMA TO HAVE A FUCKING VIDEO GAME TIE IN!!!
OH WAIT NINTENDO PREDICTED VELMA NEVER FUCKING MIND THAT!!!!
PROBLEM THREE. It smells like my ass and tastes as good as a broom that vacuums flavor out of people who waste their time coughing into the coffee.
Chibi Robo Butt Plug is TOO MUCH TO BEAR. I thought I scraped the bottom of the Barrel. I've played Bubsy 3Deez Nuts, Arthur! Ready to Drive under Influence, and Powerpuff Girls Chemical Overdose. I thought I knew what shitty games were. But no. Nintendo made this game to kill Chibi Robo, no doubt about.
But do I think this kind of idea had some potential? Unfortunately... No.
Nintendo was shitting out so may 2D games at the time that Chibi Robo Ziplash only blended in with the crowd rather than stick out, plus there are so much better games that use the idea of a whip and turns it into an in-game mechanic. Like... Shant- no. God no pls go back.
(SMPTE Tone)
Like... Star Wars tieins? Do those have any whips used as weapons? Oh wait that's just the Sail Barge with the slave girls. God damn it...
All in all, Chibi Robo Ziplash tastes like a broom, smells like my ass, sounds like a cheap jumpscare waiting to happen, looks like a shit log after a bar party, and feels like a porcupine quill crossbred with a bullet. It's beyond asinine. In fact, it's probably a torture method used by Nintendo inflicted upon anyone who asked for a US localization of Mother 3.
Say it with me now, IT'S. JUST. BAAAAAAD.
(Repositions gun) now if you excuse me... (Pulls trigger)
