WHta do you think of my 6th grad Personal narritive?

Discussion in 'General Off-Topic Chat' started by OrcMonkey©, Oct 6, 2008.

  1. OrcMonkey©
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    Banned OrcMonkey© Banned

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    Coney Island
    By Dylan Mak

    When I went to Coney Island, my mom went with her friends so she can get some deal where you get unlimited rides in Astro Land. The first ride that caught my attention was the ride Topspin. It was a double spinner that swings and turns at the same time. I asked my mom if I go on it.
    “Mom can I ride on that? “ I asked in Japanese.
    But my mom said “no it gets me scared just by me thinking you ride that”
    I sighed and saw another ride that looked fun. I ran over to it with out thinking. There was no one on it. It was this giant plastic pirate ship swinging up and down from 2 gigantic bars. I ran over there and noticed I was the only one. I begged my mom if I can go on it and she did. When the ride stopped I showed the guy who was operating the ride my wristband.
    The guy looked at it and said “you can go on”
    I ran to the gigantic pirate ship and popped on the back of the ride. I was all by myself no scared a bit, for now. When the ride started swooshing up and down I expected it to be scary. In few minutes it was already starting to swing high. I could here the ride swoosh through the air. When the pirate ship started to swing higher than the building I screamed. It still swung higher and I saw the Ferris wheel. For that moment I just stared at it and my chest sinking feeling was about to start again. It swinged down and I just closed my mouth from screaming. I thought it would be more fun if I tried standing up but my head hit right at the safety bar. When the ride ended I promised my self I would never go on the ride again no even thinking that I would go 2 more times.

    Reflection
    By Dylan Mak
    In my personal narrative “Coney Island” I go to Coney Island I ride a swinging pirate ship in astro land. This is a big moment for me because I learn the danger of standing up or jumping on the ride. I tried to stand up on the ride but as a result, I hit my head on the safety bar and I started to think what woul really happen if I stand up on the ride and fell off from this height.
     
  2. juggernaut911

    Member juggernaut911 GBAtemp Slut!

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    gigantic bars sounds gay... lol


    good
     
  3. The Worst

    Banned The Worst Banned

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  4. Mewgia

    Member Mewgia drifter

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    Dear Kanchome,

    You are an idiot.

    With love,
    Mewgia
     
  5. Doomsday Forte

    Member Doomsday Forte GBAtemp Maniac

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    Correction:

    Dearest Ten-Years-Old Kanchome/kirbyman/Dylan Mak,

    I want to drive my car into the red bar that is your life.

    Love,
    DF
     
  6. Mewgia

    Member Mewgia drifter

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    LOL

    well said
     
  7. Mewgia

    Member Mewgia drifter

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    JPH stop being a politeness nazi
     

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