What did I die of?

[Hadrian]

Ok for those who don't read the shout box the following:

Ex-girlfriend, keeps finding me somehow on various sites/forums/whatnot. Keeps ringing me, I block her number she gets a new one! I've told her not to bother me, saying "we don't really have anything in common to even be friends let alone anything else etc etc stop bothering me we were only going out for 2 weeks, maybe saw you 6 days BACK IN 2004! I faked cumming (yes, each time!), you made me watch Beaches even though I told you every other chick makes me watch it and hate it blah blah blah".

Anyway I've decided to get my god damn sexy girlfrien who never fails to please me and so on to email her telling her that I've died recently...but what of?

Thoughts? Ways to make it sound real? Any ways to present proof?

Thank you.

 

[Seccom Masada]

Car accident. Better than some strange-ass illness, IMO.

 

[MC DUI]

Car Accident?

Crazed gunman at your workplace?

RSI from too much DS?

Fake photos of your mangled body and send em to her!

 

[kellyan95]

Tragic car accident is good

But suicide would really fuck with her

 

[Urza]

If you've slept with her, tell her you died of AIDs.

 

[kellyan95]

Ooh, thats a good one

 

[MC DUI]

Everyone needs AIDS, AIDS! lol

You don't exactly die of aids/HIV in a couple of months.

 

[Hadrian]

If you've slept with her, tell her you died of AIDs.

Won't work, she had a baby last year (not mine, as I said she never made me do a sex wee) you get tested for everything.

 

[Urza]

You don't exactly die of aids/HIV in a couple of months.

Imaginary AIDs is much faster than regular AIDs.

 

[FAST6191]

The fake your own death approach. I assume some form of legal recourse is not on the cards.

For someone as crazy as you say it could be hard as it could well be investigated to some degree.
The old staple of car accident would be hard to pull off as it would likely gain some paper coverage.
"Natural causes" may be a bit hard to swallow as you are not that old.
Drugs are a good one but I would not.
Anything that would require hospital treatment (serious household accident for example) may also garner some attention so I would not go that.

You need a way that is plausible and hard to investigate, sports accident in Greece (or somewhere that uses a character set that is not roman). If you want to go a step further babelfish your own "local" rag for Greece and attach it to the mail.

Get a fake obit as well in your local rag (or your hometowns or hers whichever you reckon is best).
Possibly an email from "those you left behind" detailed a closed service but ashes being scattered a wherever you deem appropriate.

Good luck.

 

[bobrules]

Spontaneous human combustion

 

[Taras]

Bollocks cancer?

 

[mcbey]

Tell her you died of super AIDS (aka Clown AIDS).

that or sudden infant death syndrome

id believe it

 

[kellyan95]

Then go for suicide, and have it implied that she had something to do with it

 

[Hadrian]

Mmm I'm warming to suicide, she did claim that the music I listen to could give me depression.

 

[Linkiboy]

omg hadrian how could you do this to me i love you but lets just be friends i wont make you watch beatles anymore

 

[BakuFunn]

Canine internal cancer of the right ear drum
(huge tumor above your right ear)

 

[kellyan95]

Jumped, poison, or hung?

 

[BakuFunn]

i was kidding

 

[CannonBallZ]

that's abit drastic, what if that makes her wanna suicide? how about saying you moved to the urals or some remote area