'Twas the night before Tempmas, when all through the site Not a temper was posting, not even mthrnite; The posts were modded in the forums with care, In hopes that Santa P1ng soon would be there; The noobs were nestled in their pokemon threads, While visions of patches danced in their heads; PG in her 'kerchief, and I in my cap, Had just settled down for a long winter's fap, When out on the EOF there arose such a clatter, I sprang to the thread to see what was the matter. Away to the web I flew like a flash, Put on the monitor and the keyboard i mashed. The girl on the cover of the new-released game Gave the guise of interest but was otherwise lame, When, what to my wondering eyes should appear, But a miniature sleigh, with truck nutz on the rear, With a little old driver, so lively and stringy, I knew in a moment it must be Santa P1ngy. More rapid than eagles his shouts they came, And he cursed, and trolled, and called them by name; "Now, Vulpes! now, Westside! now, Chancer and Gadrian! On, WildWon! on Monkat! on, granville and Nadrian! Till the end of the world! till the end of it all! Now fear me or i will pwn you all!" As dry leaves that before the P1ng hurricane fly, When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky, So up to the house-top like rockets it flew, With the sleigh full of carts, and Santa Ping too. And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof The footsteps of that little goof. As I fapped in my bed, and was pulling pud, Down the chimney Santa P1ng came with a thud. He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot, And his clothes were all stained with furry blood and soot; A bundle of carts he had flung on his back, And he looked like a hustler just opening his sack. his eyes -- how they rolled! his stare how scary! His cheeks were chisled, his face was hairy! His Pimp cane was drawn up like a bow, Ready to strike on any stank ass ho; The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth, packed with dank bud and topped with keif; He had a skinny face and a little round belly, That shook, when he molested ny bowlful of jelly. He was skinny and short, a right jolly old elf, And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself; A wink of his eye and a twist of his head, he cracked me in the skull and left me for dead; He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work, And took all my shit; then ran like a jerk, And laying his finger aside of his nose, And flipping me off, up the chimney he rose; He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle, And away they all flew like the down of a thistle. But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight, "Happy Tempmas to all, and to all a good-night."