Tired? Revigorate yourself...

[Veho]

This is a Revigator.

Tired? Exhausted? Need a little pick-me-up? Just pour yourself a glass of water you left in the Revigator overnight, and you're good to go. Lined with top-grade radium and uranium ores, the Revigator enriches your water with energizing, beneficial natural radiation, giving you the boost you need. Feel the buzz? That means it's working.

Just ignore the third arm you've sprouted. And human urine is meant to be green and glow in the dark, no need to panic about it.


I'm not kidding.

Scrub with brush and scald monthly? ...yeah, I doubt that any germs that survived the radiation would mind some hot water once a month.


And for the really really hardcore: radium prophylactics.

Invigorating. Sure to kill any disease on the spot. Nothing spices up your love life like a glowing blue dong. All those "cooling/heating/tingle" condoms are for... sissies.

 

[Hop2089]

Do not want any of that

Radiation used in the home is dangerous unless it's prescribed chemotherapy drugs.

 

[Veho]

prescribed chemotherapy drugs.

Chemotherapy drugs aren't radioactive.

 

[Shakraka]

.

 

[Advi]

Lol, wasn't that stuff incredibly popular in the 20s-40s?

I can just imagine Madam Curie looking at the results of an experiment and rushing to the bathroom to get off all of her radium makeup........

 

[NeSchn]

Mmmmmmm Revigator, YUMMY!!!

 

[Sterling]

the lower grade stuff is way less harmful, even if ingested. Take carnotite you could live in a house made of the stuff, and you wouldn't even grow a third chin (unless you are fat, then you already have one

)

 

[El-ahrairah]

Lol, I love how the condoms are called Nutex, as in "if you use these condoms your nuts will fall off and you will have ex-Nuts".

As for drinking radiation, I prefer Nuka-Cola myself.

 

[VmprHntrD]

Radium condoms, well that explains the X-Men and so on now doesn't it?

 

[Veho]

Radium condoms, well that explains the X-Men and so on now doesn't it?

I giggled for five minutes straight. Then devised a long, elaborate fanfic storyline that would retcon the entire X-Men universe around this new theory.

Too bad I'm too lazy to ever write it.

Meh.

 

[Tokiopop]

Where can I buy one?