This is a Revigator. Tired? Exhausted? Need a little pick-me-up? Just pour yourself a glass of water you left in the Revigator overnight, and you're good to go. Lined with top-grade radium and uranium ores, the Revigator enriches your water with energizing, beneficial natural radiation, giving you the boost you need. Feel the buzz? That means it's working. Just ignore the third arm you've sprouted. And human urine is meant to be green and glow in the dark, no need to panic about it. I'm not kidding. Scrub with brush and scald monthly? ...yeah, I doubt that any germs that survived the radiation would mind some hot water once a month. And for the really really hardcore: radium prophylactics. Invigorating. Sure to kill any disease on the spot. Nothing spices up your love life like a glowing blue dong. All those "cooling/heating/tingle" condoms are for... sissies.