This just in, several U.S. Embassies all over Europe were systematically bombed at 0600 UTC. Current investigation is in progress to search for a possible Al Qaeda terrorist link.
Now live is U.S. President Bush's press release on the matter:
"Freedom...Liberty...Justice...Terrorists...One of those things does not match, can you gue---"
This urgent news just in! We have just learned that this devastating attack was orchestrated by none other than video gamers. According to our secret informer known by "R". R states that there has been growing unrest in the pirate community because one group calling themselves "WiiKey" is delaying them "updates". With that information we have discovered that an "update" is a slang term for a new designer drug shaped into phallus that apparently opens a new reality in your mind like a key. Users have gone on to say that they can play "audio streaming" under the influence.
Without that fix, users get into an extreme withdrawal, known for it's restlessness and extremely short temper. We hear on the Internets that these junkies are using these attacks as a threat to their dealers, to show that they mean business. Now with us live is U.S. Attorney Jack Thompson here for his take on this morning's devastating attack.
