The negative feelings after social events

[Maximumbeans]

I want to discuss this and see if anybody recognises the feeling(s) I'm going to try and describe.

I went to a big work social today and it was...fine. I've only had my job for a year so I don't know everybody who works in the business, I know a fair amount though. At first it was fine and I was more or less enjoying myself, but as time wore on I just started to feel like, I suppose I didn't 'need' to be there? Like I could leave and it would make no impact, and I kind of wanted to just not be there anymore.

After I did leave and ever since, I've just felt down. I feel like everybody is able to be themselves without a second thought whereas I'm constantly wondering about how I'm standing, whether I'm talking too much or not enough, whether people are watching me and if I look normal enough if they are. Panicking if I don't have a familiar person or group of people to anchor myself to.

I look back and I feel different, even though you could probably ask any one of the people I work with and they'd say I fit in just fine. They would probably be confused to learn I feel like I don't, but I can't seem to help it.

Is this something else or do others here understand?

 

[Veho]

This is common.

"I'm constantly wondering about how I'm standing, whether I'm talking too much or not enough, whether people are watching me and if I look normal enough if they are." - this is called autistic masking. Constantly keeping an eye on yourself and your behavior, trying to match your surroundings to fit in, and suppressing any "weird" behavior like stims, tics, "weird" conversation topics etc., to not be perceived as different. It is exhausting.

And secondly, events like this are difficult for autistic people because "difficulty socializing" is the biggest symptom and diagnostic criterion, and workplace parties are all about socializing. Making idle small talk with a bunch of people, half of which you don't normally interact with that much, while navigating groups that keep breaking up and reforming. It is exhausting.

So yeah.

 

[Veho]

I hope I didn't say something wrong.

 

[SylverReZ]

I hope I didn't say something wrong.

Nope you haven't. Looks accurate to me.

 

[SillyBee]

It is a pretty normal symptom in neuro-divergent circles. Social interactions have a ton of hidden rules and context that humans need to constantly adapt around, and if they don't well, they are often look at because of that.

Commonly, they do know something you don't, but it's because we can have difficulties noticing a lot of those subtle details.

Some people take those difficulties and the consequences (stimmming, lack of eye contact, difficulty speaking) as "perks" you have and don't pay much attention to it, others draw more attention to it or even ostracize you for them.

 

[Maximumbeans]

I hope I didn't say something wrong.

Not at all, I thought I'd replied but turns out I didn't give any sign at all that I'd even read it

Thank you for the information. Definitely feels familiar and I recognise a lot of what you described.