That Strange Little Pink Ball Of Imagination.

Discussion in 'GBAtemp Art Studio' started by Nujui, May 23, 2011.

  1. Nujui
    OP

    Nujui I need something to do.

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    Dreamland.
    I have no bounds.
    I change my shape and size,
    Faster than firing a round.

    I'm that strange little pink ball.
    I always smile and say "poyo"
    And I'm round as a basketball.

    I'm also refer as to fluffy.
    since I look so squeezeable.


    Though one thing I will always remember,
    is that I myself, is just a figment of imagination.
    Even though it's odd.
    As if I suck the imagination of another,
    then I change.
    So, in a way,
    I'm That Strange Little Pink Ball Of Imagination.

    So come inside me,
    and you will see the imaginations,
    of all living things.


    ---
    This probably sucks but I felt like writing it.
     
  2. Sterling

    Sterling GBAtemp's Silver Hero

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    Wow, very good. I did giggle a little at the part where it says "Come inside me". [insert put dirty kirby joke here]
     
  3. s4mid4re

    s4mid4re  

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    Come inside me.... COME inside me... cum inside me... [​IMG]
     
  4. Shockwind

    Shockwind GBATemp's Official The Last of Us Fan

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    inside a post-apocalyptic world.
    Ahahaha! I lol'd when you said that! [​IMG]
    Anyways, it's pretty good, Duskye. [​IMG]
     
  5. wasim

    wasim ♫ Music addict ♫

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    Nice poem abt kirby
     
  6. Shiro09

    Shiro09 AAI2 Localisation Team

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    OMG! It's KIRBY [​IMG]. Nice poem btw
     
  7. Chhotu uttam

    Chhotu uttam DOH HO HO HO

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    [​IMG] awesome poem.
     
  8. yuyuyup

    yuyuyup GBAtemp Psycho!

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    It wasn't a good poem.
     
  9. Sterling

    Sterling GBAtemp's Silver Hero

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    Care to give a few reasons? I'm sure he'd like to improve.
     
  10. Recorderdude

    Recorderdude Musician, Animator, Buffoon.

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    This is certainly a good start, DY, but as a long-time poet and lyricist, I have a few things to talk about.

    The first thing is that I can't tell whether this poem was supposed to rhyme or not and what scheme it was trying to follow. I can essentially see this pattern:

    ABA

    CDC

    EF

    GHIGJKH

    EHL

    now, because there was a LITTLE bit of rhyming present here, but no noticeable recurring rhyme scheme, I am not sure if this was more intended to be a rhyming type of poem or free verse.

    One other Issue I have with this poem (and this is assuming that it is supposed to rhyme) is that you often rhyme words with themselves or other words with the same suffix (E.G. Imagination; Imagination, Pink ball; Basketball) and this simply does not work in rhyming poems.

    Other than that, I find it a fairly interesting description of kirby, what he is and what he does. Good start.
     
  11. Nujui
    OP

    Nujui I need something to do.

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    Dreamland.
    @personuser I know that the poem is sort of jumbled, I just wrote it because I was bored, no effort really.

    I mean of you want me too, I just made this.

    I'm full of imagination
    Though I'm not just fiction.
    I have very many distinctions.
    So if you read me,
    I'll fill your mind with imagination.

    And that one is probably not that good either.