Super Awesome™ Guide To Forums Alone and need people to talk to? Want people to know how cool you are? In the market for an internet girlfriend? Then give forums a try! Signing up to a forum.[/p][*]Pick a forum that has nothing to do with any of your interests. After all it's important for a man to be well-rounded! [*]Make sure the forum has a high age limit. It's okay to fake your birthday, everybody does it! While some may say the fact that you're going to post about your teacher giving you detention when you claim to be 21 is a tipoff, they're just jealous at how mature you look for posting that rant about it in the "things my partner and I did in bed last night" forum. [*]Skip the rules. If you break one people will just tell you about it anyways. [*]Make your avatar a huge-filesize GIF. The longer they have to wait for it to load, the more important it must be. Jiggling boobs are a plus! If you put jiggling boobs in your avatar then there's boobies near every post of yours, and that just makes them cooler. [*]Your signature should be composed of 20 flash games. The more fun people have with your signature, the cooler they'll think you are! If flash isn't allowed on the forum, just insert referral links to all sorts of game/reward sites. If those aren't allowed, the old standby of 5-animated-gifs-of-jiggling-cleavage never fails to grab attention. What to post.[/p] Everything. The more you post, the statistically higher your chance of posting something somebody might like! While some people might complain about you posting every time you take a crap, ignore them. Crapping is a function of the body, and nurses are familiar with the workings of the body. Everybody knows chicks in nurse uniforms are always hot, so there's a chance your post will attract attention from a hot chick in a nurse uniform! Everybody will be incredibly jealous. Bump really old threads. If it was funny then it should be funny now, too! You'll be a hero for saving the funny threads from the abyss. You're even recycling while you do it! How to go up the chain of command.[/p][*]Constantly remind everybody that you should be a mod. Put it as your username, title, in your signature, and at the end of every post. Repetition works for TV commercials and sex, so it should work on forums, too! [*]Make sure that your posts stand out. If you can find some sort of online script to automatically wrap everything you type in every single type of formatting tag there is, you'll look super-awesome with little to no effort on your part! Mods and admins can't help but but be drawn to a post like that in every single thread. Speaking of that... [*]Post in every single thread. A good mod/admin must be active, so show the current ones that you can do it, too! Don't worry about actually typing anything meaningful in your posts as they're not going to read it, just look at the number by your name. [*]Butter up the mods and admins. Always post about how awesome their posts are, even if you really couldn't give a damn about what they named their newest kitten. [*]Trick people into thinking you're a mod. If all else fails, threaten to delete posts and ban people often enough and they just might start to believe it! If you're lucky the admin might wake up one day, notice you're not a mod, think it's a forum glitch, and make you a mod! Tips.[/p] You are a lawyer, doctor, radiologist, astronaut, AND geophysicist! Feel free to give your input on anything and everything. Even if you have no idea what you're talking about, it's fine. Actually, it's better for you to comment on something you know nothing about, because then you're not weighted down by stupid things like "laws" and "reality" when typing up a post to impress people! Anything you post is right. After all, if it was wrong you wouldn't go through the effort of posting it! Duh. If somebody tries to say you're wrong, just say "opinion". Everybody knows an opinion can't be wrong, so just say "my opinion" to every post and nobody can prove you wrong! Who cares if somebody tells you that $50 is more than $20? If it's your opinion that $20 is more than $50, nobody can argue with that! People still disagreeing with you? Report them. I mean you used the word "opinion" and everything, so obviously they can't say you're wrong! Also the "scientific proof" (whatever that it) that they're asking you for doesn't exist because scientists have way better stuff to do than make reports and graphs (like set things on fire and build jetpacks). This is all common knowledge, so anybody that refuses to accept it must be trolling you. Their posts disagree with yours so they are a blemish to the forum and need to be removed. Speel chek iz fer noobs. dat shit jus slowa ya down an errbody no's dat the hiher ur post cunt da kooler u r so da fazter u posst da fastr u get kooler Everybody needs to know your fetishes. They're just pretending to be disgusted at the story of how you scoured the internet for 20 hours to find giraffe porn because they're jealous that you had the guts to post about it and they never will. Don't like somebody? Threaten to hack them. Everybody knows hacking IRL works just like it does on TV! Watch a few episodes of CSI and pick up a few phrases to toss at people to scare them into not agreeing with you. If you have a question, ask it. It doesn't matter how simple it is, make a thread for it. Who cares if somebody could copy-paste your thread title into google and get the answer? If they want to go through the effort that's their problem, not yours. You are a man of sophistication, it's your job to get other people to do the work for you!