1. _ORiON_

    OP _ORiON_ GBAtemp Regular
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    One day I went out to play fetch with my dog the first time. After letting him smell the wooden stick, I threw it and to my surprise the dog obliged to fetch it. I knelt down as I saw my dog return with the stick on his mouth. It was then that the dog curved sideways and began chewing up the stick.

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    tell me anything to improve it.

    grammar, spelling, diction, form of the climax, etc. (it's supposed to be a joke, and i'm like the most dull storyteller in the world [​IMG] )

    thanks
     
  2. GHB

    GHB Member
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    I don't get the "climax" at all?
     
  3. _ORiON_

    OP _ORiON_ GBAtemp Regular
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    what i mean by climax, is that there's an excitement that continually builds up as they read the text, and will expect that the end will be a very funny sentence (or something like that)
     
  4. mthrnite

    mthrnite So it goes.
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    Ya need something to come out of left field at the end, unexpectly. Say maybe the dog turns sideways and falls off a cliff, or gets stepped on by a giant penguin.

    You know.. like that.. only funny. [​IMG]

    Alternately you could go deep instead of funny.
    It was then that the dog curved sideways and began chewing up the stick. I reached down and picked up another stick and began to chew on it. It was delicious!

    Yo know.. like that.. only deep. [​IMG]
     
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