Sad Social Life.

[Trollology]

Hey
Y'know I'm really grateful for this part of the forum as it allows me to blog about rubbish and my terrible social life freely.

So I thought I just might let everything that's on my mind, fall out.
So since second or first grade, this kid in school has been all over me. It went ok. You guys know how little kids can befriend anyone right?

Yeah well it started to bug me at like 5th grade.. That kid who's all over me is really not my type, and all of a sudden declares that we're best friends FOREVER and stuff >.<
I reaallllyyy don't like her. But she's all over me cause I'm the only one who doesn't discriminate her cause of her size (midget much). At like 6th grade she's been breaking up my plans and bad-mouthing me to everyone so that everyone would fight with me and I'd have no friends but her. Eventually she didn't allow me to hang out with anyone else and yeah I ended up as a wimp like her. 7th grade, I have no friends that I actually like cause of her.
Now most of you think: "Why don't you tell her?! Do something about it don't let her control your life!" and stuff.
Let me explain: Number 1: I don't have the guts to be mean to her.
2: I feel really bad that she's friendless.
3: She's the type who tells EVERYTHING to her parents, I don't want them to think I come from a bad family.
Honestly like, her parents don't see the need of social activity in her and this is a really big problem.
And like when she broke my relationships and plans and stuff, like, she did it unconciously. She wasn't intending to break up my relationships but her need in social activity goaded her to. So when I try to explain how annoying the stuff she does is, she doesn't understand.
7th grade I was really pissed and told her we're splitting. That was a FAIL.
I was looking for a new best friend, but all my old friends no longer like me cause of her.
Everyone else in my class is soo like, not my type. (My school is the type that teachers walk to your class not you walk to the teacher's class so me and my classmates are together the whole day.)
No one video games. No one reads. No one knows what MANGA is. Like yeah, some people read, but stupid stuff like ponies and unicorns. EW. And they're all NOOBS at computer. I feel too smart around them, and that bothers me. (not meaning to brag)
So yeah I had no one at that time, and I guess I had no choice but to make up with that girl.
We made up, but she drove me crazy through out the year and so there were many fights and make ups.
We ended the school year with a make up but the last few weeks I was like on "chill mode". I pretended to not be in the mood to hang out just so I can avoid her a little.
I spent summer with the family and only the family. I was outside the country most of the time.
I return to school for 8th grade and that girl is all over me AGAIN. Only this time, it's much, much, much, much WORSE. She came to 8th grade with an odor that can suffocate someone to DEATH. I REALLY tried avoiding her. But she kept hugging me and stuff, and I felt so weird. Like a mom. (cause she's short.) The mom of a stinky kid =/
I kept trying to avoid her a lot and stuff and it really bothered me. It got worse, she started sitting ON THE SAME TINY DESK DURING classes cause she loves me so friggin' much.
Luckily, this year I got a subject change. I changed the language of Social Studies from French to English, and since my school is the type that all kids with similar subjects are in the same class, my class was changed. I moved to the cooler kids. Of course, I'm not mean, I really missed my old mates, even though they're not my type. I mean C'mon we've been together for like 5 years. The new class was more my type but ofcourse again, I missed my old class. I'm considered a geek in the school and I have many honors. This new class, has lots of people like me, but none of them game or read mangas >.<
Yeah there are readers. Yeah there are skaters. Yeah there are honored smart kids too. So this was definitely socially a better choice than my first class.
I basically started getting along with an Italian kid, a Syrian kid and a Lebanese kid. (Weird nationalities but awesome xD )
They're all really nice and very intelligent. The Italian though has really bad problems with math. She scores like 20% on math. Otherwise, she's good at everything else.
I guess I can call them my best friends but I'm not sure if I'm their best friend too. I guess they're too shy to admit that they like me or something, but I'm not so sure. Anyway, these people are the best thing that ever happened to me in life. Other than my sister. These friends are simply amazing. More than I can ever wish for. I love them more than I have ever loved a friend before, and even if they didn't do the stuff I did, they get me. They totally get me. They know what type of person I am and really love me for who I am. I don't wanna be such a stick up like my old, bad-smelling friend, so I tried to back off and see their reaction.
Their reaction: "WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN

 

[monkat]

Well. It's good that you're finding acceptance, I suppose, but when you're starving for it like you are, just take things slowly and make sure they're actually the people that you want to be with you.

That being said, I don't see why you have to hide anything from anyone. Your old friend is clingy because she's feeling the same way you are - if she loses you, she has nothing. There's no reason that you can't have two groups of friends that are friendly - most people your age do.

Also, regardless of anything, friend are overrated. Having a 'best friend' is just silly. If you have no choice but to cut off a friendship, it's not a huge loss.

 

[Coto]

Do not fear of your closer friends, people can come then go away. Just make sure you are fine from your inside rather than everyone´s.

 

[Trollology]

Well. It's good that you're finding acceptance, I suppose, but when you're starving for it like you are, just take things slowly and make sure they're actually the people that you want to be with you.

That being said, I don't see why you have to hide anything from anyone. Your old friend is clingy because she's feeling the same way you are - if she loses you, she has nothing. There's no reason that you can't have two groups of friends that are friendly - most people your age do.

Also, regardless of anything, friend are overrated. Having a 'best friend' is just silly. If you have no choice but to cut off a friendship, it's not a huge loss.

It's not about 2 groups of friends. It's that I really (ugh I hate saying this :/ ) HATE the first clingy girl and I try to avoid her as much as possible, and now in my new class, I really love my friends. But I know what's being good friends, and what's too much, unlike my first clingy friend. I'm not such a stick up and I'm usually only there when I'm called (just to make sure I don't end up hated like my first friend).
And my issue is not being able to tell my new friends that they pretty much ARE my best friends since I'm the new kid in class and it would be just, really weird. It's been like that for a month, and we're still shy to each other in some way. I wanna be able to gain their trust and I want them to feel comfortable when speaking to me. And I guess the feeling is mutual. They try to force words out of my mouth.
I know what you mean by "having a best friend is silly" and how anyone can go with anyone. But in the end, you're gonna need that one special person/group to talk about stuff you don't usually tell others. Being equal to all and trusting everyone with all like your secrets and stories and stuff gets boring after a while. Or at least that's how I see it.

QUOTE(Coto @ Nov 29 2010, 07:15 PM) Do not fear of your closer friends, people can come then go away. Just make sure you are fine from your inside rather than everyone´s.

I guess you're right. But also, it wouldn't be right to feel comfortable with people who aren't comfortable with you. If you know what I mean.
Like, the feeling should apply to both sides, otherwise it ends up like my first friendship which was a fail with that clingy kid.

 

[Coto]

Do not fear of your closer friends, people can come then go away. Just make sure you are fine from your inside rather than everyone´s.

I guess you're right. But also, it wouldn't be right to feel comfortable with people who aren't comfortable with you. If you know what I mean.
Like, the feeling should apply to both sides, otherwise it ends up like my first friendship which was a fail with that clingy kid.

Dude I mean, do not live up to people spectations it´s not worthy. Just stay with those you feel better, but to do that, you´re the one who need to feel right first,, otherwise youl´ll end thinking pure shit.

 

[narutofan777]

wtf those kids must've been missing out on electronics... and your school is different than mines by a ton. 5 years???? sheesh thats a lot...I would not be able to handle that..your new class seems 2 b a lot better. thats cool. about your best friends from the old class..I don't know why its so hard for them to find that your best friends are them... i mean c'mon does changing a class actually made them forget or somefin? i know i wouldn't.

 

[Trollology]

Dude I mean, do not live up to people spectations it´s not worthy. Just stay with those you feel better, but to do that, you´re the one who need to feel right first,, otherwise youl´ll end thinking pure shit.

Yep.. Guess you're right. Well it's not like I try to be what I'm not when I'm around them.

I still blame all those social issues I have these days on that clingy kid in my first class. I was like one of the most popular kids back then.
She comes along and my life is ruined. If something's gonna improve in my social life, it's gonna happen soon. I don't have too many years left in school. This new class is a really good way to help.

QUOTE(ripandsip @ Nov 30 2010, 01:01 AM) wtf those kids must've been missing out on electronics... and your school is different than mines by a ton. 5 years???? sheesh thats a lot...I would not be able to handle that..your new class seems 2 b a lot better. thats cool. about your best friends from the old class..I don't know why its so hard for them to find that your best friends are them... i mean c'mon does changing a class actually made them forget or somefin? i know i wouldn't.

Actually, when I say video game, they call me geek.
How is a gamer a geek? xD
I swear my school is like going back to the 70's or something.
Seriously, my old mates can be a little harsh on me sometimes.

 

[KirovAir]

Don't know your age, but amusing you went to high school.. (might be completely wrong view on this)

No one video games. No one reads. No one knows what MANGA is. Like yeah, some people read, but stupid stuff like ponies and unicorns. EW. And they're all NOOBS at computer. I feel too smart around them, and that bothers me. (not meaning to brag)People who are videogaming/reading/reading MANGA are mostly outcasts. Highschool is a bitch, so when you admit you do that kind of stuff, less people want to hang out with you. Also why is being a computer NOOB a bad thing? All my friends are computer noobs, but they're damn fine friends.

I return to school for 8th grade and that girl is all over me AGAIN. Only this time, it's much, much, much, much WORSE. She came to 8th grade with an odor that can suffocate someone to DEATH. I REALLY tried avoiding her. But she kept hugging me and stuff, and I felt so weird. Like a mom. (cause she's short.) The mom of a stinky kid =/
I kept trying to avoid her a lot and stuff and it really bothered me. It got worse, she started sitting ON THE SAME TINY DESK DURING classes cause she loves me so friggin' much.
Sometimes you need to be rude. Tell her to fuck off. (Or, you should have told her back then)
Don't let her be the baggage that holds you from making new friends.

I don't wanna be such a stick up like my old, bad-smelling friend, so I tried to back off and see their reaction.
Their reaction: "WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN

 

[Trollology]

Don't know your age, but amusing you went to high school.. (might be completely wrong view on this)

No one video games. No one reads. No one knows what MANGA is. Like yeah, some people read, but stupid stuff like ponies and unicorns. EW. And they're all NOOBS at computer. I feel too smart around them, and that bothers me. (not meaning to brag)People who are videogaming/reading/reading MANGA are mostly outcasts. Highschool is a bitch, so when you admit you do that kind of stuff, less people want to hang out with you. Also why is being a computer NOOB a bad thing? All my friends are computer noobs, but they're damn fine friends.
No I'm not judging them because of that. I'm describing the type of kids in my school

Sometimes you need to be rude. Tell her to fuck off. (Or, you should have told her back then)
Don't let her be the baggage that holds you from making new friends.
I know I should have. Even my family told me to but I don't have the guts =/

I don't wanna be such a stick up like my old, bad-smelling friend, so I tried to back off and see their reaction.
Their reaction: "WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN

 

[Panzer Tacticer]

You sound like someone in an anime

I guess anime is not all that fake after all

It only gets more interesting as you get older. You will love office politics hehe.

 

[donelwero]

Maybe you're just thinkin about it too much. That could be called insecurity, you keep thinkin about how people likes you or not. Just let go, if you try to keep up to what YOU THINK theyd like from you , you'll pretty much never really live.

Friends will come and go, thats why they say you can count them with only one hand. You'll eventually come to an age where you'll make some friends that will stay by your side for many years, just let everything happen. Oh btw, you're misjudging people, and I bet you fell misjudged the same way, but you actually dont know what they think about you.

Being a geek doesn't mean to be alone. I had many friends back then, and I am/was a geek, not all of them played video games or read manga, etc. They are people they can actually do whatever they want and still be awesome humans, but you wont notice until you try to actually get to know someone.

Thats just my opinnion. Just remember, don't be so hard to yourself and to others, otherwise you'll end up alone.

 

[jlf278]

Sounds like you're pretty smart and well, most people really aren't. It's not like you need to be friends with people exactly as intelligent as you, but it's great to have friends like that you can relate to, especially if they are interested in the same things you are. Growing up, since 3rd grade, I was lucky enough to find someone smart like me and with very similar interests. That kind of person you can stay close with for life. We were each other's best man. Through middle school and high school we met a few other people like us who were smart and into dorky things and probably more than a little socially awkward and absolutely self-concious. We also had friends who were somewhat popular and into sports or not in honors classes too, but they were all at least smart or dorky.

I think a lot of people looked down on us in middle school and even in high school (though we mostly got picked on in middle school). I think some people have a hard time understanding what makes a great friend and while I was lucky enough to find some amazing friends, not everyone gets that opportunity. It sounds to me like this is your opportunity to spend time with people who make you happy, feel better about yourself, give you a sense of belonging and understand you. Those are qualities you need in friends that you just weren't getting from your stinky midget friend.

Now I'd be hesitant to just dismiss her entirely. I'm incredibly loyal to my friends and that is one trait that all good friends share, like you. But you have to learn to be loyal to the people who are healthy to be loyal to - those who are supportive and not emotional vampires. Also, you're not doing any favors by being her only friend. She needs to branch out and grow past her little comfort bubble formed by the two of you. IF she doesn't go through the hard process of redefining herself in a more grown-up and mature social person, it'll just be harder as time goes on. I mean, just look at how you are transitioning since you switched classes! Maybe without you to fulfill her social needs, she'll finally have the motivation to reach out to other people. I went through a similar period where I went into 6th grade at a new school and all my close friends (all 3 of them) were placed in different classes. I basically had to make new friends or spend the day in social isolation. At first I was miserable, i even cried myself to sleep and some nights or couldn't sleep and my parents worried about me a lot. Fortunately, other people were going through the same thing (with less anxiety probably), so I found someone who i could relate to and we became close friends. he was also in my wedding party.

Self-concious, intelligent, loyal, shy, bookish people can have a real tough time growing up in middle school and beyond. Some people like us never really make friends that they feel close to and relate to. I know the situation you are in seems extremely dramatic, maybe confusing and overwhelming. I would be honest with your new friends. They might not be mature enough to understand how you feel exactly, but i think they will understand where you are coming from and how conflicted you are. I think you are on the right track though and it's so wonderful that you have 3 new friends already that you are close to. So focus on the positive and realize that middle school is a time where every situation is overdramatized ten times over.

 

[Trollology]

You sound like someone in an anime

I guess anime is not all that fake after all

It only gets more interesting as you get older. You will love office politics hehe.
Lol?

Ok

Maybe you're just thinkin about it too much. That could be called insecurity, you keep thinkin about how people likes you or not. Just let go, if you try to keep up to what YOU THINK theyd like from you , you'll pretty much never really live.

Friends will come and go, thats why they say you can count them with only one hand. You'll eventually come to an age where you'll make some friends that will stay by your side for many years, just let everything happen. Oh btw, you're misjudging people, and I bet you fell misjudged the same way, but you actually dont know what they think about you.

Being a geek doesn't mean to be alone. I had many friends back then, and I am/was a geek, not all of them played video games or read manga, etc. They are people they can actually do whatever they want and still be awesome humans, but you wont notice until you try to actually get to know someone.

Thats just my opinnion. Just remember, don't be so hard to yourself and to others, otherwise you'll end up alone.
Wow... thanks

By the way, when I said they called me geek, I meant they were surprised to see a kid who does this thing called "video games" so they called me a geek xD
It's not like I'm insulted I was just explaining how different a gamer like me and the kids in my school are

I love how people here give advice and all
And I appreciate it.

QUOTE(jlf278 @ Nov 30 2010, 08:14 PM)

Sounds like you're pretty smart and well, most people really aren't. It's not like you need to be friends with people exactly as intelligent as you, but it's great to have friends like that you can relate to, especially if they are interested in the same things you are. Growing up, since 3rd grade, I was lucky enough to find someone smart like me and with very similar interests. That kind of person you can stay close with for life. We were each other's best man. Through middle school and high school we met a few other people like us who were smart and into dorky things and probably more than a little socially awkward and absolutely self-concious. We also had friends who were somewhat popular and into sports or not in honors classes too, but they were all at least smart or dorky.

I think a lot of people looked down on us in middle school and even in high school (though we mostly got picked on in middle school). I think some people have a hard time understanding what makes a great friend and while I was lucky enough to find some amazing friends, not everyone gets that opportunity. It sounds to me like this is your opportunity to spend time with people who make you happy, feel better about yourself, give you a sense of belonging and understand you. Those are qualities you need in friends that you just weren't getting from your stinky midget friend.

Now I'd be hesitant to just dismiss her entirely. I'm incredibly loyal to my friends and that is one trait that all good friends share, like you. But you have to learn to be loyal to the people who are healthy to be loyal to - those who are supportive and not emotional vampires. Also, you're not doing any favors by being her only friend. She needs to branch out and grow past her little comfort bubble formed by the two of you. IF she doesn't go through the hard process of redefining herself in a more grown-up and mature social person, it'll just be harder as time goes on. I mean, just look at how you are transitioning since you switched classes! Maybe without you to fulfill her social needs, she'll finally have the motivation to reach out to other people. I went through a similar period where I went into 6th grade at a new school and all my close friends (all 3 of them) were placed in different classes. I basically had to make new friends or spend the day in social isolation. At first I was miserable, i even cried myself to sleep and some nights or couldn't sleep and my parents worried about me a lot. Fortunately, other people were going through the same thing (with less anxiety probably), so I found someone who i could relate to and we became close friends. he was also in my wedding party.

Self-concious, intelligent, loyal, shy, bookish people can have a real tough time growing up in middle school and beyond. Some people like us never really make friends that they feel close to and relate to. I know the situation you are in seems extremely dramatic, maybe confusing and overwhelming. I would be honest with your new friends. They might not be mature enough to understand how you feel exactly, but i think they will understand where you are coming from and how conflicted you are. I think you are on the right track though and it's so wonderful that you have 3 new friends already that you are close to. So focus on the positive and realize that middle school is a time where every situation is overdramatized ten times over.

I think of all the answers on this thread, yours was the best.
You're really clear and positive

I loved it.
I'm very loyal to my new friends and yes I guess they are "healthy to be loyal to"

About my old friend, it's actually been driving me a little mad.
Yes I do spend less time with her because obviously we're in different classes but now the moment the bell rings to recess, she comes running with her odor, and not just to me, but to all my new friends as well. It's actually been bugging us all. We've talked about it and stuff.
One person who's really saving my life is this girl in my old class (other than the annoying one) who is socially ill.
She's socially ill and so is the annoying somehow bad smelling one. Believe it or not, the 2 are getting along. This is really helping me.
And now when I come to think of it, I actually thank god he has sent my old annoying friend a friend she likes
She still chases me around and stuff and it may bug me a little, but it has decreased so much that I don't really need to complain about her anymore.
I hope god sends her more friends that actually like her

(btw I might sometimes tend to be a little religious I'm sorry if it bothers any of you somehow)
Today everything was really working out, and I was really happy to see that my old friend was extremely happy with HER new friend, and I hope things remain this way the whole year for her. As for me, these days things are great as well. My social life is back on track without my first friend and I've been lately hanging with some of the coolest kids in school. I'm getting my life back and I can't wish for a better one atm.
I guess you're right. Although I'm doing really well right now, still, maintaining good friendships can be hard in middle and high school unlike the early years of school.
So yeah... everything said up here ^^
Thanks a lot for your wonderful reply again