Portal 2 safe for christian family?

[iggloovortex]

Keji Goto the scruffiest Nerf Herder of... says:
As a Christian father, I choose not to allow video games into my household, but occasionally my boys will have sleep overs with other Christian families that might be more lax than ours. Imagine my surprise the other day when I overheard my second oldest boy talking about a video game he had played at a friend's house. As soon as I heard the name "Portal 2", my suspicions grew and I immediately found myself wondering which body part the game might be referring to.

I rushed to the computer that I keep locked away from my impressionable children, and what I found was truly disturbing. Just 10 minutes of Bing research produced so much evidence that this game was a homosexual recruitment tool that I have now forbidden it. You better believe that I called the other father and gave him a good talking to. As a devout Christian, he agreed with me and has now burned his Portal 2 DVD on his barbeque grill to make sure this threat to his family is gone for good.

Here are some of the things I have learned: This game is made by Valve software, a wholly owned subsidiary of NAMBLA - the people who invented child molestation. Just the name "valve" produces images in the mind of a Christian man that should not be there.

Game play takes place in a giant gay bath house, where children are encouraged to use their mechanical penis guns to create glory holes. In case you haven't heard of this filth, "glory holes" are all the rage in gay circles, where sweating homosexuals drill holes into walls and then perform sex through them, without having to show their guilt ridden faces. There is one thing a homosexual hates, and that is for their shame to be seen in the light of day. That is why their bars and bath houses are kept so dark at all times. And believe me friend, this game is dark and shadowy.

There are two adorable robots. Who doesn't love robots? Kids sure do. Well, these 2 robots are a homosexual couple. The tall one is the dominate bear and the little one is the swishing bottom. Even the voices are clearly transexual which is a dead give away. I shudder to think of what life style choices a little child will think is decent after pretending to be one of these two mechanical gays. Instead of penises, they have glowing red and blue lights in their sex area.

As if that was not enough, there are mechanical testicles and gay saunas around every corner. Not enough? Well this game introduces "gels" which help the innocent children slide through a glowing red sphincter.

I could go on, but my stomach is turning at this latest homo-gay invention. There is nothing christ-centered in this game. Protect your children from this latest assault from the gay agenda.

Source: http://christwire.org/2011/04/is-portal-2-...ristain-family/

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Seeing as how today is Easter and all I figured why not merge religion and video games into one fun article!

Go to the link if you can, the pictures are even better, especially how he views certain things from the game.

Thoughts?

Edit: There is a picture of man butt in the article, if you or anyone around you has any issues with seeing man butt then please don't follow the link.

What do you guys think? i think he has his reasons, and while they may be over the top its his family to deprive of awesome games such as Portal 2

EDIT: LOL All resources point to fake, but still hilarious

 

[Deleted_171835]

The guy is an idiot.

He doesn't have any valid points and doesn't deserve any publicity for this bullshit.

Edit: Just found out that it is a satirical website.

 

[AlanJohn]

As soon as I heard the name "Portal 2", my suspicions grew and I immediately found myself wondering which body part the game might be referring to.

So...
A portal is somehow referring to a butthole?
Maybe its because he has an unique butthole that leads to another butthole.

 

[nando]

hmm, now i want a real life glory hole gun

 

[_Chaz_]

You do know that this is a troll, right?

 

[Law]

I'm 95% sure that this is fake.


The other 5% is just due to all the whackjob christians out there who probably do similar things.

 

[Nyutan]

.. What did I just read? If that's what this guy sees when he looks at portal, he needs a shrink.

 

[thhorde]

Lol i read this yesterday

Im pretty sure this guy is just trolling or something.
I mean "homosexual robots", come on!

 

[iggloovortex]

it seems like hes trolling but at the same time i wonder why two guys would spend money and time to keep a website up for the sake of trolling hard core christians?

Either way this is still funny as hell. The actual article with pictures and all is even better

 

[AlanJohn]

I'm 95% sure that this is fake.

Look at the source...
It leads to some dumb-ass christian site that "proves" everything is the devil and gay.

 

[KingVamp]

What kinda the madness? Matter well have him play GOW where they actually shows something.

Going by his *view* that would be more acceptable.

Who looks at portal or any game that completely away from what he seen like that?

Is this a troll or something?

 

[nando]

Lol i read this yesterday

Im pretty sure this guy is just trolling or something.
I mean "homosexual robots", come on!

 

[iggloovortex]

As soon as I heard the name "Portal 2", my suspicions grew and I immediately found myself wondering which body part the game might be referring to.

So...
A portal is somehow referring to a butthole?
Maybe its because he has an unique butthole that leads to another butthole.

lol just read that
maybe hes experienced the next level of butthole?

 

[AlanJohn]

As soon as I heard the name "Portal 2", my suspicions grew and I immediately found myself wondering which body part the game might be referring to.

So...
A portal is somehow referring to a butthole?
Maybe its because he has an unique butthole that leads to another butthole.

lol just read that
maybe hes experienced the next level of butthole?

He transformed it into a glory hole

 

[hankchill]

That post reminds me of my mom.

Harry Potter is the devil.
Pokemon is the devil.
Rock Music is the devil.
Video Games are the devil.
Satan is the devil.

Like seriously!

Christian extremists need to get a life. Or get laid, badly.

Even if it is a troll, I know people like that

 

[Recorderdude]

Christian extremists need to get a life. Or get laid, badly.

There's other religious extremists, too.

My catholic aunt's husband thinks SPONGEBOB is the devil incarnate, along with Mickey Mouse and anything with a merchandise line.

They don't let their kid watch anything except for this crap puppet catholic kid's TV show. And it's all, ALL religious propaganda, no entertainment value whatsoever. I've seen it. It's worse than veggie tales.

I think my favorite (probably joke) christian extremist quote though is from another forum, and for the privacy of the member who said it I'll say no more than that:

(Bayonetta)

This game offends me and my family greatly as a Christian. My wife and I allowed my son to purchase this game, as we did not initially know what it was like. I saw my son play and was absolutely horrified, my wife too. First of all, Bayonetta is a witch, that uses magic, so already the game promotes Satanic ideals. A witch as a hero? Using magic? The Lord God says that all forms of magic and evil and of Satan, and only God Himself can bestow power unto an individual. Anything else comes from the Devil.

If that was not enough, the way she fights. Her attacks are immensely gorey and she uses these against angels. The Lord's heavenly Host are the villains in this game! This Bayonetta is also obviously of demonic descent, as her body does not look at all like a normal human woman, but instead she has inhumanly long legs and arms, and her face looks more like a Final fantasy character(another sinful gaming series) as opposed to a realistic woman. The way she behaves is very sinful, doing mock sexual actions to the angels that she kills. I had to snatch the game away as I noticed my son seemed spellbound, and kept making her do some erotic dance.

I read more information, the final boss is "God", and is apparently a woman. This is sheer blasphemy. If that were not bad enough, one of the main villains is also some sort of Catholic priest, who is highly effeminate, and wears peacock feathers as part of his wardrobe. He looked eerily similar to David Bowie, a well known homosexual male that serves Satan and lures in males and females alike with his demonic appearance and mannerisms.

I really do hope this game will be banned from the United States, before it affects our impressionable youth. Bad enough Final Fantasy, a known homosexual simulator is popular here, but now this?

and later (s)he said,

QUOTE

Sephiroth is tempting my family, turning my son gay.

That second one has been used as a signature sooo many times in the other forum, and it's still as hilarious as when it was first posted.

 

[Schlupi]

Christian extremists need to get a life. Or get laid, badly.

There's other religious extremists, too.

My catholic aunt's husband thinks SPONGEBOB is the devil incarnate, along with Mickey Mouse and anything with a merchandise line.

They don't let their kid watch anything except for this crap puppet catholic kid's TV show. And it's all, ALL religious propaganda, no entertainment value whatsoever. I've seen it. It's worse than veggie tales.

I think my favorite (probably joke) christian extremist quote though is from another forum, and for the privacy of the member who said it I'll say no more than that:

(Bayonetta)

This game offends me and my family greatly as a Christian. My wife and I allowed my son to purchase this game, as we did not initially know what it was like. I saw my son play and was absolutely horrified, my wife too. First of all, Bayonetta is a witch, that uses magic, so already the game promotes Satanic ideals. A witch as a hero? Using magic? The Lord God says that all forms of magic and evil and of Satan, and only God Himself can bestow power unto an individual. Anything else comes from the Devil.

If that was not enough, the way she fights. Her attacks are immensely gorey and she uses these against angels. The Lord's heavenly Host are the villains in this game! This Bayonetta is also obviously of demonic descent, as her body does not look at all like a normal human woman, but instead she has inhumanly long legs and arms, and her face looks more like a Final fantasy character(another sinful gaming series) as opposed to a realistic woman. The way she behaves is very sinful, doing mock sexual actions to the angels that she kills. I had to snatch the game away as I noticed my son seemed spellbound, and kept making her do some erotic dance.

I read more information, the final boss is "God", and is apparently a woman. This is sheer blasphemy. If that were not bad enough, one of the main villains is also some sort of Catholic priest, who is highly effeminate, and wears peacock feathers as part of his wardrobe. He looked eerily similar to David Bowie, a well known homosexual male that serves Satan and lures in males and females alike with his demonic appearance and mannerisms.

I really do hope this game will be banned from the United States, before it affects our impressionable youth. Bad enough Final Fantasy, a known homosexual simulator is popular here, but now this?

and later (s)he said,

QUOTE

Sephiroth is tempting my family, turning my son gay.

That second one has been used as a signature sooo many times in the other forum, and it's still as hilarious as when it was first posted.

OH MY GOD the lulz!!! I laughed so hard this post is going straight to my Facebook.

 

[coolness]

whaah this news is hilarious

 

[CarbonX13]

That was... quite amusing to read. I'm all for religion, but taking things to the extreme like that is just unacceptable.

 

[Nujui]

I love these sort of people. They always provide me with a good laugh.

Especially when he said that it took place in a "giant gay bathroom"

Oh crap, I think I'm gonna double over from what I just read :rolf2: