Polyamorous or Open relationships

[exangel]

I tried to make a poll about this before and managed to screw it up, but I think it's okay this time. I also added a lot more possible answers.
Commence attempt #2!

Also at Open relationships topic,
IMO women = whore/sluts
men = lucky
(no offence, just pointing out that it affect peoples view of you, especially today where people are very judgmental.)

Yeah. I recently saw a fake documentary-style film called the Girlfriend Experience about a woman in a really one sided open relationship-- she was living with her boyfriend who is faithful, but he knows she makes her living as a very high priced escort. Since she pays bills, and doesn't seem to concern herself with her customers for any more reason than they are her clients and they are real people, it carries on okay for a while.
So the guy brings it up with some buddies when he goes to Vegas one weekend, calling it an open relationship, and they're all like, why in the hell aren't you getting any extra here? That's not his motive, but it also reminds me of some Polys I knew as a teenager and young adult. I've heard of Poly men who had multi ladies but I've heard of (and actually met) a lot more Poly women who have multi partners (including other women). I think fewer men make the choice to have multiple partners even in Poly relationships, at least, outside of reality TV, but that comes from my life experiences and not any real data.

Also, the locale where you're living has a lot to do with how people view you. The long-term poly's I've known, people who are way past experimental, lived in the San Fransisco or NYC areas, and I've never actually known any outside of those areas that professed to actually love more than one partner. Everyone outside of those places that had multiple partners were just swingers, or people who wanted to add spice to a relationship that looked monogamous on the outside but was freaky in the bedroom.
Accordingly, people outside those two areas rarely seemed to separate polyamory from swinging or being outright promiscuous.

 

[Gore]

Under super ideal perfect controlled circumstances (impossible) I think it could work out for me.
I'd go for a three way relationship with two different girls as long as all three of us want to all three be together.
I couldn't be with a girl who was also with another guy too though. Not if I cared bout her.

 

[jan777]

Yeah. Its just that a man who has 2 girlfriends is considered good with the girls,
while a girl with 2 boyfriends is considered a flirty person.

If they go for open relationships just for the sex, I dont get it because (assuming you and your partner are very sexually active) why not just do it with with each other? Its the same thing. (well maybe its different to some extent. I wouldnt know

)

As for testing grounds for a closed relationships, maybe stay as friends first and get to know each other before going for a relationship. Fuck its so confusing.

Anyway, just my 2 cents. Everyone's entitled to their own opinion anyway.

 

[exangel]

Under super ideal perfect controlled circumstances (impossible) I think it could work out for me.
I'd go for a three way relationship with two different girls as long as all three of us want to all three be together.
I couldn't be with a girl who was also with another guy too though. Not if I cared bout her.
That seems to be the "average Joe" point of view I've been sold all my life, at least when I was among straight men talking about "open" relationships. It's much easier to imagine, or even fantasize, a pleasant situation with two loving ladies, than any other situation that isn't monogamous.

QUOTE(jan777 @ Nov 16 2010, 04:21 PM)

Yeah. Its just that a man who has 2 girlfriends is considered good with the girls,
while a girl with 2 boyfriends is considered a flirty person.

If they go for open relationships just for the sex, I dont get it because (assuming you and your partner are very sexually active) why not just do it with with each other? Its the same thing. (well maybe its different to some extent. I wouldnt know

)

Anyway, just my 2 cents. Everyone's entitled to their own opinion anyway.

Yeah. The more I think about it (since it's been a long time since I even cared), the more I'm prone to think the double standard is more than an artificial social thing. I think it's also based on the reproductive motivation underlying the traditional straight relationship: A girl with two boyfriends may have paternity issues and conflicts if she becomes pregnant, but a guy that impregnates two ladies is clearly potent. Potency being the whole assertion of manhood, that's gotta be why a guy feels it's okay to have two ladies than compete with another dude for one.

I don't do relationships just for the sex at all, never have or will, it's a bonus round of the pleasure of genuinely loving another person in my opinion, but of people I knew who had multiple concurrent partners.. it's because they couldn't always have each other (one person being very distant for months at a time) or because they really just loved more than one person. And of the second type, a couple of those people were bisexual or lesbian women. I only new one guy who was alright with a Poly relationship with more than one male in it, and he was straight, and the other guy was his best friend.

Thanks for responding, was hoping you would since I started out by quoting you.

 

[jan777]

Under super ideal perfect controlled circumstances (impossible) I think it could work out for me.
I'd go for a three way relationship with two different girls as long as all three of us want to all three be together.
I couldn't be with a girl who was also with another guy too though. Not if I cared bout her.
That seems to be the "average Joe" point of view I've been sold all my life, at least when I was among straight men talking about "open" relationships. It's much easier to imagine, or even fantasize, a pleasant situation with two loving ladies, than any other situation that isn't monogamous.

QUOTE(jan777 @ Nov 16 2010, 04:21 PM)

Yeah. Its just that a man who has 2 girlfriends is considered good with the girls,
while a girl with 2 boyfriends is considered a flirty person.

If they go for open relationships just for the sex, I dont get it because (assuming you and your partner are very sexually active) why not just do it with with each other? Its the same thing. (well maybe its different to some extent. I wouldnt know

)

Anyway, just my 2 cents. Everyone's entitled to their own opinion anyway.

Yeah. The more I think about it (since it's been a long time since I even cared), the more I'm prone to think the double standard is more than an artificial social thing. I think it's also based on the reproductive motivation underlying the traditional straight relationship: A girl with two boyfriends may have paternity issues and conflicts if she becomes pregnant, but a guy that impregnates two ladies is clearly potent. Potency being the whole assertion of manhood, that's gotta be why a guy feels it's okay to have two ladies than compete with another dude for one.

I don't do relationships just for the sex at all, never have or will, it's a bonus round of the pleasure of genuinely loving another person in my opinion, but of people I knew who had multiple concurrent partners.. it's because they couldn't always have each other (one person being very distant for months at a time) or because they really just loved more than one person. And of the second type, a couple of those people were bisexual or lesbian women. I only new one guy who was alright with a Poly relationship with more than one male in it, and he was straight, and the other guy was his best friend.

Thanks for responding, was hoping you would since I started out by quoting you.

yeah I was surprised when you quoted me.

I guess i could understand the bisexual people having multiple partners (unless their partner is a hermaphrodite

) but people in long distance relationships.. not so much.
Cause I am currently in LDR with my girlfriend (yes, we are too young, I know.) But its basically the same. I dont go around getting another girl just so I have someone to cuddle or do some stuff with (I trust that she does the same) because well, we love each other and it would hurt to see them being touched by another person. But idk. Thats just me and her though.

 

[exangel]

I guess i could understand the bisexual people having multiple partners (unless their partner is a hermaphrodite

) but people in long distance relationships.. not so much.
Cause I am currently in LDR with my girlfriend (yes, we are too young, I know.) But its basically the same. I dont go around getting another girl just so I have someone to cuddle or do some stuff with (I trust that she does the same) because well, we love each other and it would hurt to see them being touched by another person. But idk. Thats just me and her though.

Well, I mentioned the long distance deal in the other blog, and there's a bit more to that specific relationship. That couple had no choice but to spend a very long time apart, and they had agreed upon the rules: if one of them comes to care for and trust another (local) person, someone they want to be close with, it is better to introduce them to the long distance partner and make sure all parties understand the situation before anything else happens. It worked out for a pretty long time (to a young person), and the girl wound up cutting ties with the guy for other reasons after about two years of this arrangement. This couple was older than you are, and they made this arrangement out of respect for each other's needs, for some it may seem like a sacrifice to allow their partner to have a different partner, but I guess, to those two, they just wanted to make sure they both stayed completely honest with each other and didn't get hurt or go crazy from loneliness.

I'm not saying it's a great arrangement for people in LDR's, but to that couple in that situation, I think it kept them together a lot longer than it would've worked out if they tried to be in a completely monogamous LDR. This was back before webcams and skype, and phone bills got really bad for them at times.

 

[monkat]

I think everyone knows how I feel about this.

Open and polyamorous relationships are just more free, and frankly, people like variety - personally as well as sexually.

I'm certainly not going to say it's necessary for a happy relationship, but it does help, assuming your relationship is one that's going to last. That is, if you trust each other completely, are honest with each other, and love each other, then you won't need to feel paranoid or unhappy about them.