More Staples Stories

[jumpman17]

Okay, I need to rant some more.

Somewhere right now is a guy sitting in a chair in his house watching tv as he thinks up new "programs" that all Staples should do. Keep in mind it's become more of a "program of the week" thing since it changes so often. Before I've had to carry a piece of paper around with me and mark how many people i talked to and basically catalog my entire day. The new one now is that after I clock in for the day, I have to check in with the manager first. This has got to be my favorite part of all. I will stand up at the front of the store for 20 minutes until the manager decides to appear from wherever they've been hiding and then I go up to them and say "I'm checking in" upon which they answer "Um...okay." Then after our shift is done we are supposed to go up to them and say "Is there anything else you'd like me to do before I leave", ha, yeah right. They should have mentioned it to me before my 8.5 hour shift was over.

Also, we have this thing called "Mystery Shoppers" where corporate hires people to come in and grade us in each department twice a month. Well, I'm starting to think that the people hired to do the "mystery shopping" don't even walk into the store. Someone named Rick got mystery shopped this time...we don't have anyone named Rick...also another person that got shopped was at home the day they say they shopped him and they didn't even describe him right. But does our manager see how screwed up the system is? No. "How could you all fail the mystery shops?" We're like, well when we see Rick we'll ask him why he failed.

Oh, and let's not forget the "lamp lady." This lady comes in and asks me who the lamp specialist is. "Well, I guess that's me since lamps are in my department" and then she starts asking me thousands of questions. She shoves some paper she printed from online in my face for a millisecond and then asks me which lamp that was. "I don't know, can I see the paper?" I just showed it to you! she says. Yeah, okay. I try to help her with the limited information I know from what the boxes say. She says "Is that all you know is whats on the boxes?" Yeah. She continues on telling me she's looking for a 3-watt incadescent lamp or something of that sort. "Maam, I can't say for sure but I don't think they make 3 watt incadescent lamps, I've never heard of those before" She asks to speak to someone more knowledgeable about the lamps and I said you are speaking to the one most knowledgeable about the lamps that is in the store right now. "Well, can I speak to the manager of the lamp department?" Umm...we have a general manager. No, I want to speak to the head of the lamp department. "You can't because there is no lamp department here" After this continues on for about 45 minutes she leaves. Yes, I stayed with her for 45 minutes because it was listen to her be an idiot or organize binders...

 

[Hanafuda]

Well, with an attitude like that, how can the team meets its mission statement? You should be a positive force within the organization, not a "virus" looking only to get your paycheck. Remember before you open your mouth, "How is this good for the company?"

sorry jus' phukkin with ya.

 

[FAST6191]

Ouch, it is people like this that make me glad I stayed the hell away from any customer service.

I will however share a story with you all.
One damn hot summer day and I am back in my hometown for some reason as yet unknown, I get bored of the amateur 14 year old pickpockets and decide to go see my dad instead of flattening one (normally I would do something but police paperwork did not sound appealing that day).
So a short walk later and I am at the garage he worked at, nothing much is happening so we start talking.
A couple of minutes later a woman comes in, from now on I shall refer to the woman as miss lady for she is the type of person that when asked what she is most proud of she would answer "being middle class".
She coughs says "excuse me, I have a problem with my car", I vanish into the background and my Dad walks over so he can take a look at the car. Sensing that this may be good I follow
Scene 2: garage forecourt
We come upon a small engined piece of junk Daewoo (this was a Daewoo garage so she was going to try and do this one under warranty) with what was probably the nastiest looking passenger side I have ever seen (at least for one that still runs).
So my dad asks what happened, she replies the clutch just shot up (to our US bound friends nearly everyone drives a manual car around here), the car mounted the curb (I know for a fact the curb around her house is about 20 cm high as well) and went thorugh my front garden wall.

Remember that this is a small engined car which is quite impossible to start without using the accelerator much less do anything other than stall if the clutch pings up.

So my dad takes a look at the clutch, drives it around and then tells her that the sequence of events she just described are in all possibility complete BS giving the reasons I just mentioned (although done with slightly more tact than I would have been capable of).
Miss lady then decides that this is a personal insult upon her entire lineage and does the whole "get me your manager" deal.
20 seconds later the manager appears is apprised of the situation and tells miss lady the exact same thing.
Courtesy of a signal from me some others from the workshop have decided to take a look in that this too.
Miss lady is still not having any of it and then claims some relatives son used to work with cars or some such and she will find out if it is true.

Eventually she leaves and I found out she returned a few days later to get it fixed, a nice bill gained for her efforts.

 

[mthrnite]

Um.. yeah... I see you didn't put the new cover sheet on your tps report. Did you get that memo?

I always hated crap like what you're describing, especially when they tack on an acronym expecting it to help you remember all the steps.

See the customer.
Ask the customer what you can help them with. (Never ask if they need help, they could say no.)
Lead the customer to a higher priced alternative.
Excite the customer with the extra features of the higher priced alternative.
Suckaaaaah!!!!

 

[skywarp]

Lamp department manager..

 

[leetdood]

What a rude lady.. I'd have just stuck her with a random expensive lamp and gone with something like "THE LAMP DEPARTMENT HEAD RECOMMENDS THIS ONE BECAUSE IT'S 300 BUCKS!" or something.

 

[Sc4rFac3d]

man, that was funny!

It's almost like a tv show were you guys work.

I work at such a dumb place.

 

[jumpman17]

Um.. yeah... I see you didn't put the new cover sheet on your tps report. Did you get that memo?

I always hated crap like what you're describing, especially when they tack on an acronym expecting it to help you remember all the steps.

See the customer.
Ask the customer what you can help them with. (Never ask if they need help, they could say no.)
Lead the customer to a higher priced alternative.
Excite the customer with the extra features of the higher priced alternative.
Suckaaaaah!!!!

We have

Engage
Ask
Show
Yes

EDIT: I'm dead serious. Our manager seriously asks us "Did you make it EASY for the customer?" and then asks us about what each of the letters stand for.

EDIT 2: And let's not forget the people that seem to think that the fact that they screwed something up when trying to transfer their money to their card is our fault. They swipe their credit card and the message "Please ask for alternate form of payment" appears on my computer screen. I tell them the card was denied.
"IMPOSSIBLE! I just put $700 in this morning!"
Okay, but the bank still denied your card.
"Well how come?"
I don't know, you'll have to call your bank and ask them, all it is telling me here is to ask for an alternate form of payment.
"Well, I don't have any other way of paying"
Then I guess you aren't buying anything today
"But I put $700 in this morning!"
Okay, that's nice

 

[nintendofreak]

ever have someone try to bargain with you on the price?

"If i buy the set, can i get the DVD player for free?"

no sir, this is a department store, the price is set

"well ask your manager!"

we dont do that here sir

"can I speak to your manager?"

 

[Harsky]

There was a time after I finished secondary school where I was in a limbo and didn't know what to do with my life so I decided to get a job at my local cinema. It was a trial period so I wouldn't be getting paid in money but instead in cinema tickets. One day, I was standing at the gate (where I take the customer's tickets and tell them which screen the movie was in). A few hours later, there was quite a queue and all of a sudden this elderly gentleman comes out to me and says, "the screen I'm in is on fire". I was thinking, WTF and the guy says that he saw a couple of smoke coming out of the ceiling lights. Not exactly a fire but I had to radio someone and say, "yo, there's someone say there's smoke in screen seven". Bearing in mind that this was in front of the queue and when the guy left, I went back to greeting mode and said, "okay, so that's 2 tickets for Da Vinci Code. That's screen number SEVEN...... enjoy the movie".

 

[mthrnite]

^^^hahaa "enjoy the fire!"

anywho..

I served 10 years in the same mall between Games n Gadgets, Electronics Boutique, and Software Etc.

Every time sales would slump the HO would send in one of their little sales demi-gods to pump us up with the "program" crap. If that didn't work they'd usually fire the manager. Nothing worse than getting a new manager trying to be all "alpha" when you know the store and customers like the back of your hand and they barely know how to wind a watch.

It's hard to be subservient when you're better than everybody else

So anyway, I feel your pain!

..and it is kinda fun making up alternates for their acronyms..
(
Enchant
Assault
Subdue
Yell
)

 

[jumpman17]

ever have someone try to bargain with you on the price?

LOL! We had one lady one time look at a digital camera we had on clearance. She wanted to know if we'd lower the price anymore.
No, we can't lower the price anymore
"$299.99 is a lot though for a clearance item"
It was $799.99 though ma'am.
"I'll give you $50 for it"
No.
"Okay, how about $75"
Tell you what ma'am, I'll sell it to you for $299.99 plus tax.
"Alright fine, $100, my final offer"
Hmm...that's a very tempting offer...I've got a better one though...how about $299.99?

 

[Devante]

jumpman17, your story and the way you wrote it... your story sounds straight out of a Reader's Digest humor section. haha