Lost Friendship Advice (Serious Question)

[ceraphis]

IMPORTANT NOTE! If you happen to glance at this post, but do not want to read the whole thing because it is so friggin long, AT LEAST take the time to read the first paragraph! Then, by all means feel free to leave if you are not interested. Just know, I take any and all responses seriously and would greatly appreciate even the slightest bit of advice.

Alright everyone, before I ask this, be prepared for a huge crap load of details because I think they are important (at least to me). Although, I'll try to keep it to the details that strongly affect the advice I'm looking for, which is pretty much any advice possible. Also, if you have any intention of helping me out but don't really want to read the long post right now, be aware that this is somewhat time-restrictive. I thank you humbly in advance if you take the time to read it and come up with whatever advice or comments you can think of.

ADDED AFTER WRITING THE WHOLE FRIGGIN THING BECAUSE ITS SO LONG, DANGIT!:
Long story short since nobody will likely read it all: how do you say happy birthday in an email to a friend you stopped talking to around 2 years ago, but you had a great IM conversation for the first time in a while a couple months ago, and then for no reason after answering an initial email in a nice, friendly and "invites conversation" way, don't say anything back to either of two additional emails? FYI, the two additional emails were harmless, just asking something about a random song.

Now that the first paragraph to save time for casual readers is taken care of here's 3 more things I'd like to mention. Any criticism (however harsh) or advice is welcome, although I would prefer it if it has an understandable basis that I may or may not fully agree with. Second, if there's anything you'd like to have clarified or want to know, feel more than welcome to ask, and I will answer if I feel comfortable. Also, I'd like to just mention how inviting and warm GBATemp is generally and I don't think I'd feel comfortable posting this or asking for serious advice anywhere else!

ANYWAYS, now on to the details (which were preemptively deleted). Where do I begin?

The details were not posted because its like 3 pages long and nobody will read them.

Ask me if you want to know anything specific that you think is important.

 

[Hiratai]

Say "Happy Birthday, you sexy bastard!" They will laugh, you'll be friends. If shes a girl you'll have great sex and if you're a guy..I don't know - unless you roll that way.

 

[MrDunk]

This is just a guess but maybe you didn't attempt to keep the friendship going. I mean months of seperation without even a hello can really take a toll on your relationship. It may still be possible to gain back your friendship, but not without a decent amount of conversation first.

Good luck

 

[yuyuyup]

forget em

 

[ceraphis]

I'm watching lol I'm gonna reply soon

 

[Linkiboy]

Say ssmetng like:

"Happy birthday! Get on AIM or something, I haven't talked to you in like ages!"

 

[MrDunk]

Say ssmetng like:

"Happy birthday! Get on AIM or something, I haven't talked to you in like ages!"

perfect
that would be a great way to start out


P.S. I feel like Dr. Phil

 

[RiotShooter]

Say ssmetng like:

"Happy birthday! Get on AIM or something, I haven't talked to you in like ages!"

perfect
that would be a great way to start out


P.S. I feel like Dr. Phil

lolz. dr. phil.

 

[ceraphis]

Alright first round of replies FTW! Thanks guys, I left this out but I'm ridiculously unable to come up with a solution on my own. There's a lot more to it than you might think, although I admit it could just be me raising the significance of dumb crap to a lofty mountaintop. Like how some people love pokemon to death and other people don't give a crap. Like how everyone thinks they could write a book on their life and other people would never buy it.

Ok. Anyway, Hiratai: I appreciate the concept of using humor. I only wish I could come up with something I'd feel comfortable with. And if you're joking about the sex thing, more power to you because I often feel maybe I need to make light of all my problems so that I don't drive myself nuts. I only wish I could say that and know she wouldn't take it the wrong way, especially because I don't want her to think I'm looking to have sex. I'll just leave it at that.

MrDunk: There's a lot to say about it, I wasn't exaggerating that I had like 3 pages of details written because this is very important to me. You're right that I did a bad job of keeping in touch with her. I regret it very much. Theres a thousand reasons why, the integral ones are that I'm self conscious and paranoid, for example (I wrote a few paragraphs about it lol) RANT ALERT!!! I don't call people up on the phone, not that I am anti-social (although I suppose you could argue in a way that I am as a result of the next statement), but the idea that I could be interrupting someone by calling them and forcing them to pay attention to the conversation is maddening with the way I think about things, so I never call them. Even when they tell me to like "hey call me sometime" or "we should talk more often" or "WHY DO YOU NEVER CALL ME". But I'll talk to them for hours if they call me. But they don't because they probably think I don't want to talk to them. Or I don't answer the phone because I feel ashamed that I haven't called them. It's simply MADDENING!

Also, it was trying to start up an every-so-often dialogue that got me to say hi for the first time in awhile in the first place, and we had a great conversation, reminded me of how we used to talk. Then I sent a quick email asking for her # so I could call her about going to the bar/coffee to hang out and catch up, and she responded very friendly and nice (like NO POSSIBLE WAY I MISREAD HER) and then I sent an email shortly after just about music, and no response. Maybe she didnt get it? Sent another maybe a week later, no response. Now I'm stuck.

Oh and one other thing, you guys are better than DR. Phil he's a tool.

Linkiboy: Kinda already did that, which got us talking in the first place. It was great. Now I'm stumped because I lost those type of easy opportunities. Very confusing...

 

[ceraphis]

oops almost forgot

yuyuyup: I've tried.

 

[mthrnite]

Send a funny e-card saying happy birthday, call me sometime. If she doesn't respond, move on. Basically, put the ball in her court and forget about her. I know that sounds harsh, but worrying about it will only mung things up more if she does call or write again. So, give her a token greet and disengage.

 

[lagman]

Send a funny e-card saying happy birthday, call me sometime. If she doesn't respond, move on. Basically, put the ball in her court and forget about her. I know that sounds harsh, but worrying about it will only mung things up more if she does call or write again. So, give her a token greet and disengage.

Exactly right, you wanna try again? Do it, there's nothing wrong with doing what you feel like doing, but don't feel bad if you don't get an answer, you can not control other people's decisions, do your part, feel fine about it and then get over it 'till you get your answer.

 

[ceraphis]

I'm fine with rejection, I've been rejected for tons of things in my life, whether for a conversation with a stranger or as a beta tester or something.

I would have been OK if I had initially said something to her and she didn't respond. I would have been hurt but I can manage. I just can't figure out is if she really is "rejecting" me as a friend.

I could be exaggerating but this is a worse situation than I even imagined could've happened when I said hi to her in the first place. To repeat myself and clarify a little, I had this great conversation with her about all sorts of random stuff. I can't imagine someone caring to respond that fully or that long without actually enjoying the conversation. Then, an email: going to a bar like we chatted about. I needed her phone # for that, duh. She responded all friendly and such. Great. Then, another email a day or so later, just to shoot the breeze. No response. Fluke? Another a week later. No response. Confusion!

Maybe you guys would say that same exact thing if I went into even greater detail. I dunno. It is ultimately up to me to make a judgment with whatever help I get. I guess maybe I should be more specific, so how about this. Just a simple happy birthday. Nothing special. Maybe a smiley face. Honestly, I can't even think of anything else to add. Everything sounds weird, almost alien. Feel free to suggest additional meaningful phrases.

I thought about the e-card thing, but I don't think I could do that...just doesn't seem right somehow with this all hanging over my head about if she even wants to keep in touch at all. Also seems sorta like I'd be trying too hard...I dunno...keep talking so I can feel like I'm getting closer to making my mind up!

 

[shadowboy]

I assume she lives far away? Is it possible that she may not have responded merely because she has not had access to email for awhile? On some sort of trip or something? Or perhaps she was injured and had to go to the hospital and isn't in the condition to respond yet...
I believe if you send her a nice simple birthday message, maybe with a picture of a lolcat eating cake or a smiley face, that when she sees it she will respond.
It is easy to ignore phone calls, but I find it hard to not respond to an email, so hopefully even if she doesn't want to continue your correspondence she will at least tell you so.

Best of luck man, I was actually in a situation similar to this a few months ago and patched it up, hopefully yours will have good results as well. ;D

 

[ceraphis]

shadowboy: Thanks for the response. You have no idea how much this is weighing on me! She actually lives and works nearby. She's fresh out of college (like I should be...6 credits left) and is working 10 mins away from where I drive to school. When she and I separately went to college it was actually only like 3 or 4 hours away, but it might as well have been across the US back then. I never visited her college even though we talked about it...Jesus it's tough remembering everything you wish you could do differently. It's worse for me because I don't forget things like this.

I gave this a lot of time before I got as desperate for advice as I am now. It's been more than two months now. I think the window of time for her to have not gotten around to checking has long since passed. That's why this is so maddening. Ditto on the email vs phone call comment. Again, maddening...

Your suggestion of the lolcat thing somehow sounds like pure genius to me. Although, I wonder, hopefully somebody can quote a bullsh!t statistic for me, something involving the percentage chance it's either immature somehow or she hates lolcats. Maybe a funny picture, regardless of lolcat inclusion, with a caption done by me? Too much work if I'm trying to be casual?

Another thing, how sure can I be that she ever got those other emails or that she'll even get this one? Has ANYONE ever encountered such a thing as a lost email (madness!), whether you trust what they said or not?

Finally, as much as I hate to admit this and regret it SO MUCH, I think I forgot several of her birthdays. This makes me terribly sad, but is there something perfect anyone can think of to make up for that? Would it be weird if I said anything remotely related to forgetting her birthday?

Thanks for the continued support guys. Every comment is helpful.

 

[ridgecity]

just send that friend a message, ask what you she or he has been doing all this time, "did you got married or something?" "are you fighting terrorism or what?" something that acknowledges all that time but in a casual way, don't explain why you stopped talking just say you really miss that friendship. The truth is really cool with friends, write what you been doing, hows you family. don't talk about birthdays, that's the worst thing to discuss with friends.

Visit her at work, just tell her how you wanna keep being friends since you miss talking to her, maybe just are just seeig something that really wasn't there. sometimes it happens, you think about your really nice friends and they just see as another person in their life.

Women also don't like a guy that just revolves around her life. they feel trapped, maybe she just believed you weren't interested in her. it's really complicated dude.

the only thing that would work the best is just going to her and telling her that you miss her and don't wanna close that friendship you had. maybe she misunderstood something and stuff like that. here in Mexico we say "grab the bull by the horns". Show her how much you care now, she will see something has changed. Go get your friend back and stop giving the subject so many "but"s...

 

[cubin']

ask to see her vagina

 

[ridgecity]

women don't answer emails, its too impersonal, if you care for her, shake that nervousness and when you are standing in front of her tell her you miss her and you wanna keep her in your life forever.

I'm just thinking... did she love you? maybe you blew her off or viceversa...

women, can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em...

 

[Jace100]

Put it in her pooper, chicks dig that.

 

[haohmaru6]

My friend, you THINK too much. Heh, you remind me of me.

Lemme put this to ya plain and simple. Go to her work, bring her coffee or some other food / drink gift. At least she is near enough that you CAN go see her, I have a really dear friend that lives on another continent that I similar worries about some years back. If she's there, and available, just let her know you really value your guys friendship, and you don't wanna lose touch. If she's not there or unavailable, leave a small note that says as much.

And STOP WORRYING! I know its easy to just SAY that, and I really been there man, the friend I was speaking about before I worried for a lot of years that she had just written me off or what not, but we still talk every so often. We just both get busy with our lives but we keep in touch every once in a while.

So to sum it up, just COMMUNICATE that you value the friendship and would like to keep it up, keep it simple. Then find other things to occupy your life, like gaming, school, gaming AT school, go to school about gaming... you know, the important things in life

.

Good luck and remember not to worry so much.