KirbyBoy's Story Box.

Discussion in 'GBAtemp Art Studio' started by Nujui, Apr 5, 2011.

  1. Nujui
    OP

    Nujui I need something to do.

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    Aug 12, 2010
    United States
    Dreamland.
    I'm tired so I'll just put my new story here, and if a mod can, could you please lock all other of my story threads? I'm just gonna put them in one place now.

    As Fate Decides: Prolog

    Warning: Spoilers inside!

    Worlds And Their Differences:Part 1 Prolog(Not finished)

    Warning: Spoilers inside!


    My Story: Prolog
    Warning: Spoilers inside!

    CH 1
    Warning: Spoilers inside!

    CH 2
    Warning: Spoilers inside!

    CH 3
    Warning: Spoilers inside!



    Professor Layton: The Autumn Fair.

    Prologue
    Warning: Spoilers inside!
     
  2. Shockwind

    Shockwind DIEEE!!!

    Member
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    Dec 10, 2010
    Japan
    You should tell the mods what are the title of your story threads so that they can lock it.
    Anyways, you're good at this! Keep it up! [​IMG]
     
  3. Narayan

    Narayan desu~

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    Sep 29, 2010
    i'd like to hear more of the story.
     
  4. Nujui
    OP

    Nujui I need something to do.

    Member
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    Aug 12, 2010
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    Dreamland.
    I've added my other stories. Letting people know.
     
  5. Nujui
    OP

    Nujui I need something to do.

    Member
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    131
    Aug 12, 2010
    United States
    Dreamland.
    I just said fuck it and I put my fanfics here.

    Though in case that sucks I'll just put one chap of one of mine.
     
  6. Forstride

    Forstride The rudder moves when I turn the wheel

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    Pittsburgh, PA
    *prologue

    Anyway, the stories have decent plots, but you word them very strangely. You use "and," "I," and "you" way too much. This makes it repetitive and boring IMO.

    The third person perspective is also kind of awkward, especially when you overuse "you" with it.
     
  7. Nujui
    OP

    Nujui I need something to do.

    Member
    3,933
    131
    Aug 12, 2010
    United States
    Dreamland.
    Yeah, I notice that myself. Those stories are one of the first I've ever really written, so expect stuff like that. I would fix it, but I'd rather leave it there for people like you to tell me my problems so I can fix them.

    I mean if you don't want repetitive words just go to that fanfic.