*Not the actual newspaper article... In a rare turn of events, a Japanese Newspaper with no previous gaming pedigree, and to whom catering to the lowest common denominator is a common event, has commented on the two Japanese gaming giants. It seems that with the impact of the 3DS upon avid gamers, many are losing the ability to percieve the world around them in 3 Dimensions, and must get their "depth fix" from the 3DS itself. Biologists believe that this phenomenon is linked to internal software within the console which is thought to slowly siphon away the players soul, leaving individuals bereft of all but plumbing abilities. Neverthess, despite only being on the market for the meagre amount of time it has been, the Playstation Vita appears to have triggered a sudden increase in Life. It seems that any who come into contact with the handheld suddenly experience some form of growth. Said head 2 of Akira Inoue "THE VITA HAS GIVEN ME DOUBLE VISION!!! I Specifically avoided the 3DS due to eye problems with the 3D and now look what has happened". Pregnancy is also up with several surprised teenage boys having to do some huge explaining to their parents. "I'm calling him Rayman-d" said one slightly dodgy looking fellow.... More news when the arbitrary scoring system the publication is devising is fully realised - at the moment the 3DS is rated as 3 Tanooki's out of Custard, while the Vita trails on 8 Weasels out of Hinge.