Is it hard to find (the one) (someone) you love???

[Kwyjor]

we have to make character judgments somehow.

What is this "we" business, sir? Maybe you feel that you have to make character judgements somehow. Maybe "literally everybody does it" but a whole lot of people also get it wrong a whole lot of the time. It's not a matter of "doing it more honestly"; it's a matter of recognizing when it's happening and taking precautions.

 

[Deleted member 568468]

being a trans gay man who surely can't start transition yet is definitely a huge obstacle in finding that special someone - I either fall for straight guys or transphobes which way, western man?

 

[Kirby6417]

What is this "we" business, sir? Maybe you feel that you have to make character judgements somehow. Maybe "literally everybody does it" but a whole lot of people also get it wrong a whole lot of the time. It's not a matter of "doing it more honestly"; it's a matter of recognizing when it's happening and taking precautions.

Well I can see this is where we reach our impasse. I’m surprised you genuinely don’t think character judgments are an intrinsic and necessary part of interaction. How do you choose your friends? How do you choose trustworthy partners? How would you hire somebody? So many facets of social interaction are about determining where to place your faith, it’s plainly what people do and are supposed to do. So that’s where this “we” business comes from.

To be clear, these types of character judgments aren’t condemnations. It’s not “All people who dress like that are bad people.” I really dislike people who make condemnation judgments. I’m talking about pragmatic prediction stuff. E.g., “Sure he might be a great employee and a very honest person, but he came to the interview late and was impolite, so I will hire somebody else instead.” To relate that to the topic, it’s an important part of picking romantic partners too. So yeah, we all do it and we all have to do it, and it typically happens subconsciously; so we should try to do it carefully and honestly.

But more interestingly than my post hoc arguments about my position is just this: Some people seem to really recoil at the word “labels” and the concept of generalizations. I would argue that those people typically still generalize and label with the same all the same fervor and sweeping-ness as anybody else, but the sentiment just sits poorly with them, and to me it does not sit poorly. So that’s our impasse and I’m cool with that, but then there’s probably not any further interesting discussion for us to have so good day sir.

 

[Kwyjor]

I really dislike people who make condemnation judgments. I’m talking about pragmatic prediction stuff. E.g., “Sure he might be a great employee and a very honest person, but he came to the interview late and was impolite, so I will hire somebody else instead.”

How is that not a "condemnation"? A great employee and very honest person may have an excellent reason for being late and what seems like impoliteness might be misinterpreted. Maybe job interviews call for that sort of thing; I for one do not aim to ever be in that position.

I would argue that those people typically still generalize and label with the same all the same fervor and sweeping-ness as anybody else, but the sentiment just sits poorly with them, and to me it does not sit poorly.

You're the one who was feeling "bummed out" because someone didn't "interpret you more charitably". I guess when confronted with such hostility you can take refuge in your obvious superiority, since your ability to judge people has clearly served you so very well in the past.

 

[ashton_the_cabbit]

im gay so uuuhhh.. very

 

[aoikurayami]

Lifehack:

Find s.o. that "luvz" u.*
Then go from there

* That' how my brain works.

Spoiler

I'll only luv u, if you luv me first.
I'll eat your affection and snuggles and convert themto hormones.
It's a feedback loop.

And I'll trap you.
(Now that I think about i.. Maybe I should change my name to "AoiStockholm-yami"
Huh.

im gay so uuuhhh.. very

Fun fact:
Gay people, when actually finding s.o. have a higher chance of making it (imo)
as there is no stupid "social script".

 

[Stwert]

I don’t think so, if you’re socially active, you’ll eventually find someone who just clicks with you. I met my (now wife) on a night out, despite me always saying I’d never get serious with someone I met when I was clubbing. But what can I say, we were chatting, she had to pop off for a couple minutes, but she said stay, and because of her cheek, I did and the rest is history.

It turned out we had so much in common, and she’s been an utterly amazing partner over these past, emmmmm, I think 13 years. Though what would have happened if not for a child running head first into a concrete pillar at the cinema on our first real date (he was fine) but we pissed ourselves laughing, and that was the ice breaker.

 

[ashton_the_cabbit]

Lifehack:

Find s.o. that "luvz" u.*
Then go from there

* That' how my brain works.

Spoiler

I'll only luv u, if you luv me first.
I'll eat your affection and snuggles and convert themto hormones.
It's a feedback loop.

And I'll trap you.
(Now that I think about i.. Maybe I should change my name to "AoiStockholm-yami"
Huh.

Fun fact:
Gay people, when actually finding s.o. have a higher chance of making it (imo)
as there is no stupid "social script".

its almost a year later, i still get no bitches