Insane rant - please ignore

Discussion in 'Wii - Hacking' started by iTech, Jun 14, 2007.

  1. iTech

    iTech GBAtemp Regular

    Jun 14, 2007
    United States
    You know, I bought a Nintendo Wii so I could have some fun. I figured, hey; them teenagers in those ads look like they're kinda, well, lets just say the opposite of "nauseous", and I *am* a huge Mario and Zelda fan, so why not leave that Xbox 360 on the list and run out to get a Wii with the money I just stole from my grandmother's housekeeper (true story!).
    So I went out, jacked a car to get to the toy store (my talking copy of GTA ordered me to), and paid 332 USD for this console (Yeah that's right! In Europe, that's how much it costs. 249 Euros != 249 dollars you greedy globalist illuminati shits that came up with this Euro crap! The Ps3 60 Gb's recent launch price was 599 Euros, that's 796,164 bucks, I could buy a hoe with that!) and did I get my fun?
    First off, there's no games. That's ok, because I kinda lied, there *are* games, but they're not good enough to buy. Lets face it: Elebits, Zelda and Wario Ware are the only titles that are not made atleast partly out of Gay. (Though I don't trust Link's right earring ...) Atleast, if the price was not 55 Euros for such marvelous groundbreaking gems such as "Spongebob Squarepants And The Rusty Spatula" and "Super Pang Wang Glof!" (It realy does say "Glof" on the box, which is made out of glue and hair and has a picture of a kid playing baseball)
    Remember the equation - 55 Euros = 73 USD! If the games weren't that expensive, I would atleast have considered buying them.
    But ok, no problem, it has a Web Browser right? Lets surf the net...
    WTH? "Opera"? No no, I wanna use Firefox, lets see ... hey, no Firefox? Looks like someone is waiting to be slapped around in court. Hasn't it being established allready that packaging-in web browsers is unfair towards the competition? Didn't Microsoft lose a high-profile case over this some years ago? And MS wasn't even charging money for IE nor making it impossible for the user to install a different browser - Opera is not only going to cost you money in the near future if you decide to upgrade, but there is no way to use an alternative.
    Allright, so I wasn't expecting to find Firefox, obviously. But the point is definitely not one composed of moot characteristics!

    I knew what I was getting myself into when I bought it, but all of its flaws are nothing compared to the prospect of running homebrew code! And I truly mean homebrew, as I am a seasoned veterinarian computer programmer (I write medical software while sprinkling saladdressing over my naked chest), world champion taco stuffer (up my anus) and offcourse world-renowed hardcore rapper from Haarlem (I wrote "Caught in my zipper", "The joy of Wii return" and "Impotent Revolution"). I figured, hey, since the XBOX360 is using the PPC architecture as well, perhaps its popularity amongst homebrewers would yield tons of libraries, code and other shit I need before I do a single line of coke (a ritual-thing I do before I write the first line of code).
    Offcourse the Wii is protected, but that won't be a problem, right? I sure as hell lack the skill to crack any system(though I did contribute to the DS scene by throwing one violently against the ceiling) but like most things in life - if you wait long enough, someone will force you to get up and do it yourself. It so happens that getting inside the Wii is harder than getting inside the Black Dahlia's uterus.
    Why am I not allowed to run whatever the hell I want on my own property? Is this the future of computing? Is that crazy pot-smoking guy from GNU right and will piracy force DRM on our PCs in the near future (Piracy, and Microsoft offcourse)?

    This is how Wii's "copy" protection works; The Wii is turned on. The NAND chip is decrypted by a mysterious entity (=probably the code "hidden" in the first 1 Meg of the chip) An encrypted game is insterted into the Wii. The drive unencrypts the contents on-the-fly and sends it to the system, effectively running the game (at 25 FPS in 480p in Mono Audio). The game saves data to the NAND chip, which is immedietly encrypted. The hacker gets fed up and buys Super Mario Bros. on the VC to dissipate his anger, which is also automatically encrypted before being stored on the NAND chip. Will someone please tell my why the hell this is neccesary when it is a scientific fact that Mod Chips are released nearly in parallel to a console's shipping and allow for piracy? The only thing all that security is preventing is legitimate, useful homebrew!
    I laugh at Nintendo's losses by software piracy, eventhough I do not condone the practice in its entirety, because they had it coming for turning my life into a living hell changing the headers of various different image formats in an attempt to find an exploit in Opera that would allow me to run software on the 332 dollar system I just wasted money on while I should be sleeping and getting that expanding white spot on my gums and those unilateraly swolen lymph nodes checked by the Korean doctor at the municipal hospital because I don't have the money to afford medical assitance that does not require you to sit next to a rotting corpse with locusts hopping on top of it in a waiting room next to the mortuary that looks suspiciously like a Yakuza organ smuggling facility!

    But hey! This site right here reports that Nintendo is going to support Homebrew Development ... through the VC .. ?
    What? How is that homebrew? This smells like XNA to me. I wanna be able to take advantage of the entire hardware, and not be limited to running some crappy slow-ass Pong-level shit in some virtual machine! Homebrew != Games, MS and Nintendo! You honestly think the popularity of Homebrew is acredited solely to that handful of crappy Tetris ports you see everywhere? Homebrew enables the creation of emulators, media players, networking tools, etc. That's what people care about. I wanna play Indiana Jones And The Fate Of Atlantis (which I own legally) on ScummVM using the WiiMote, not some crappy Bubble Bubble clone that runs on a NES emulator!
    And even then, Nintendo fell silent over this "Homebrew" promise a year ago and I'm not expecting it to materialsie, ever.
    Nintendo, if you wanna enable people to run Homebrew, don't wire the case of every Wii produced since the original prototype to a cup of Thermite that will explode in your face if you ever attempt to come near it with a screwdriver! Perhaps allowing the running of unsigned code through the SD Card would have being a nice way to do it, don't you think? Did you realy believe people were waiting for some software to allow them to play backups? Hong Kong's economy would fall apart if there weren't Mod chips released for every console that ever tried to implement copy protection!

    Screw you Nintendo! You did nasty, illegal things with my Wii and will not tolerate its defiant insubordination any longer! I am buying and installing a Mod Chip and "backing up" whatever game my friends own and allow me to back up. What - I can borrow a game from a friend but not borrow a copy? WTF is that shit? If the game didn't cost more than a virgin prositute I wouldn't have to "borrow" it! Hey DMCA! Piracy is less harmful to developers than fascism! No I will not show you my passport before I am allowed to enter my own property (with a soldering iron) no matter how long you stand there with a drippy nose going "Achtung!"! I *will* absolutely refuse to forfeit my right to share information in a free manner with my peers!
    And finally, no, I will NEVER .. EVER .. have premarital intercourse with your mangina no matter how nice it smells or how you decorate it!

    But things are as they are, and piracy is illegal, so that means I will not do the things described. Except offcourse complain here in one of the most respected forums on the net in the hopes that some Nintendo troll reads this and gains some insight into why the hardcore scene does not appreciate their meddling)

    PS. Yeah yeah, I know about international trade rates... But wouldn't my unmoot point have been much mooter if I didn't add to it a little?


    (no that's not a typo, it means "peace" in WiiSpiik)
  2. spokenrope

    spokenrope c7

    May 26, 2006
    United States
    1 - That's a lot of writing/complaining.

    2 - Thank you for at least dividing your text into paragraphs.

    3 - Play Excite Truck.
  3. ZAFDeltaForce

    ZAFDeltaForce Specialist

    Sep 9, 2006
    Dude, take a deep breath and be optimistic. And as the above poster said, thank you for not torturing us with a wall of text [​IMG]
  4. OSW

    OSW Wii King

    Former Staff
    Oct 30, 2006
    I don't know how good opera on wii is, but opera on PC is the best browser of them all [​IMG]
  5. bobrules

    bobrules GBAtemp Advanced Maniac

    Apr 20, 2006
    i use Opera. Screw firefox.
  6. UchihaE

    UchihaE Advanced Member

    Mar 24, 2007
    I like your sense of humor...
  7. adgloride

    adgloride Its A Wii Wario

    Apr 2, 2003
    Some good games are out on the wii. Excite truck, elebites etc.. but considering how many games are out on the wii and how many are releases of old games like scarface and the godfather its disappointing. Not many games use the wiimote to its full potential either. I do like the opera browser on the wii. Why nintendo never made it compatible with a usb keyboard, is beyond me. Totally ruins the browser.
  8. Destructobot

    Destructobot Crave the Hammer

    Oct 15, 2006
    United States
    Portland, OR
    Best first post ever.

    Oh, and Opera sucks no matter what system you run it on.
  9. sekhu

    sekhu moo?

    Feb 14, 2007
    if you're saying the wii is no fun, then I concur. It's a waste of money right now, with no fun factor at all. If you want entertainment, you're better off getting a xbox 360 which has many must have titles. The wii has 0 must have games at the moment, so if you are interested in a wii I would say consider waiting a year after the big three are released, and then keep an eye on what nintendo have planned after that. right now the wii is pretty poor
  10. kaspal

    kaspal GBAtemp Regular

    Mar 21, 2006
    tell you what dude, illl give you 100 bux for your Wii, so you can be happy now (with th emoney "borrowed" from your granny), and i can be happy with the Wii.

    trust me, i didnt know if i had to laugh of cry with your post... thats HELL of a rant dude!

    n btw, Opera is the best web browser there is.

    next time, you might consider buyin your console from import stores... it will cost you less... i really hate that 1:1 dollar/Euro conversion... but, that just the way it is in Europe.
  11. cardyology

    cardyology GBAtemp Advanced Fan

    May 2, 2007
    Chorley Uk
    [​IMG] So how many Tacos can you stuff up your anus then? I reckon about 40... [​IMG] [​IMG]
  12. niklasnyfiken

    niklasnyfiken GBAtemp Regular

    Aug 9, 2006
    I didn't read all of that, but thank god/science that you added paragraphs for the people reading all that. I think you saved their lives. God bless you, merry xmas and a happy new year.
  13. jaxxster

    jaxxster The Heretic

    Oct 31, 2006
    South East London
    Yeh...Sounds like you need to get laid and chill out [​IMG]
  14. Hadrian

    Hadrian Better than Craigslist

    Former Staff
    Oct 12, 2004
    I agree I thought it was worse than IE.
  15. Mewgia

    Mewgia drifter

    Dec 16, 2006
    United States
    Boston, MA
    Best. First Post. Ever.
    Seriously. You should get an award or somethign for having such a great first post [​IMG]
  16. iTech

    iTech GBAtemp Regular

    Jun 14, 2007
    United States
    Seriously, this entire situation is going to force me to buy a supplemental console.
    All that money I spent on it did not fall out of the sky you know, Nintendo! (allthough the girl I stole it from did tumble a bit after I attacked her with my slippers. I had to because my grandma doesn't allow guns or shoes in the house)

    Selling it won't do any good because I primarily bought it for the household, and my morbidly obese kid sister playing Wario Ware in a futile attempt to lose weight so teachers won't make fun of her grotesque appearance realy does bring a tear to my eye ...
    Literally, since she keeps striking me in the eyesocket with the remote, regardless of the room I'm currently in. This morning I was sitting on the can (it's the only chair in the house), when I heard a loud bang against the bathroom door. At first, I thought it was the authorities coming back to finish me after I was aquited last year for murdering 29 SWAT members with a detached porcelain toilet bowl (six that survived the initial attack died later from infections).
    So I yank the toilet out of the ground and kinda hold it as a bat, ready to strike anyone who opens the door - but nothing happens. Seems that my sister had inadvertely throw the WiiMote complete with Nunchuck attached through the wall seperating the living room with the corridor that leads to the bathroom. In all fairness, the economy and my moter's crackaine addiction forced us to replace our walls with tinfoil and sell the bricks to psychiatry (they use it to beat children with ADHD in order to enhance their conversational skills)

    I'm absolutely inclined to buy a PSP however, if I do manage to aquire the funds, mainly because homebrew is so easy due to the system being cracked (repeatedly) and the availability of a quality opensource SDK (DevkitPSP).
    In all fairness, it *is* curently possible to run homebrew on the Wii, through Gamecube mode, which I will definitely look into if I find an Action Replay or Media Launcher somewhere. However, the lack of access to the WiiMote is certainly a downer. Imagine writing your own music authoring software for the Wii which uses the wiimote - I gave it a lot of thought and it seems fairly easy to implement physcially-operable drums, (electric) guitar, violin, maraccas and even non-existing instruments. Plus you could port some MIDI keyboard code for the PC and allow users to plug such a device into their Wii using the USB port. Music could be saved on an SD Card in a format which is compatible with music authoring packages for the PC, for futher editing. I'm not describing a game either, but a real physical way to create digital commercial-quality music. The system could even allow the spreading of creations (live)through the internet on the console itself. Imagine digital bands, where 4 people use a WiiMote to play a given instrument, and one person uses a USB microphone (=easy to implement) to provide vocals. You'd all look like a bunch of asses, but atleast you're doing something unique.

    I just might ...
    It looks pretty good - like a poor man's version of Motorstorm. (which costs exactly the same)

    So in closing I'm probably not getting a Mod Chip for the Wii but using the money to speed the aquirement of a PSP. Besides, where do you get a Mod Chip in Europe? And even if you find one, will you risk it? Last time I checked, empty cardboard boxes were illegal and punishable with forced psychiatric "treatment" because they can be used to conceal terrorists. Imagine getting caught buying a device that harms the economy (which is just what those terrorist want!), you'll be playing with your "pink" Wii in solitary confinement for the rest of your life.
    Now if only I wasn't forced to buy a Memory Stick Duo with it. Hey, my Grandma's housekeeper does have a Sony MP3 player ... hmm ... [​IMG]
  17. niklasnyfiken

    niklasnyfiken GBAtemp Regular

    Aug 9, 2006
    I think this guy is the funniest troll I've ever had the pleasure of reading. Thanks!
  18. Friction Baby

    Friction Baby GBAtemp Fan

    Nov 9, 2006
    LMAO I am now officially wearing my coffee [​IMG] [​IMG]
  19. mthrnite

    mthrnite So it goes.

    Former Staff
    Jun 30, 2006
    United States
    th' south
    Large welcome to iTech. Uneeda blog.. if you already got one, I wanna know where it is.

    It's a shame you're not writing for Electronic Gaming Monthly (lol.)
  20. Smuff

    Smuff Fossilized Gamer

    Jul 29, 2006
    By the sea
    Thanks iTech for brightening up my otherwise dreary day [​IMG]

    PS. Sorry your not happy with your wii :'(
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