If Santa wrote back...

Discussion in 'The Edge of the Forum' started by RiderLeangle, Dec 18, 2009.

  1. RiderLeangle
    OP

    RiderLeangle GBAtemp Advanced Fan

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    Santa,
    I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer.
    Yer Frend,
    BiLLy

    Dear Billy,
    Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I give you a frigging book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell!
    Santa

    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Dear Santa,
    I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!
    Love,
    Sarah

    Dear Sarah,
    Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
    Santa


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    Dear Santa,
    I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.
    Love,
    Teddy

    Dear Teddy,
    Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid, fat mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that dream. Let me get you some nice Legos instead. Maybe you can build yourself a family with those?
    Santa


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    Dear Santa,
    I want a new bike, a Play station, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum
    kit, a pony and a tuba.
    Love,
    Francis

    Dear Francis,
    Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I'm giving you a doll instead because I bet you're gay.
    Santa


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    Dear Santa ,
    I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door.
    Love,
    Susan

    Dear Susan,
    Milk gives me the shits and carrots make the deer fart in my face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Two words, Jim Beam.
    Santa


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    Dear Santa,
    What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys?
    Your friend,
    Thomas

    Dear Thomas,
    All the toys are made by little kids like you in China . Every year I give them a slice of bread as a Christmas bonus. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while losing money at the craps table.
    Santa
    P.S.
    Tell your mom she got the part.


    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------


    Dear Santa,
    Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're wake, like in the song?
    Love,
    Jessica

    Dear Jessica,
    Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm skipping your house.
    Santa


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    Dear Santa,
    I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE PLEASE could I have one?
    Timmy

    Timmy,
    That whiney begging shit may work with your folks, but that crap doesn't work with me. You're getting an ugly sweater again.
    Santa

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    Dearest Santa,
    We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?
    Love,
    Marky

    Mark,
    First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your ass kicked at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a low-rent, ghetto apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like all the burglars do, through your bedroom window.
    Sweet Dreams,
    Santa
     
  2. raulpica

    raulpica With your drill, thrust to the sky!

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  3. prowler

    prowler Sony

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    Warning: Spoilers inside!

    I lol'd.
     
  4. Veho

    Veho The man who cried "Ni".

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    Lame.
     
  5. Hadrian

    Hadrian Better than Craigslist

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    Yeah can't say I was into it either.
     
  6. Hop2089

    Hop2089 Cute>Hot

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    [​IMG]

    I have a better one

    Dear Teddy,

    Your dad is a dirty ass pedo and doesn't even deserve to even be in society much less your family, he belongs in solitary at the Supermax. Let me give you this advice, your life sucks, deal with it.
     
  7. TrolleyDave

    TrolleyDave Philosolosophising

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    Hmmm, wouldn't it go more like.

    Dear Santa,
    Do you and your elves really exist?
    Love Timmy.

    -----------------------------

    Dear Kid,
    I'm not real, deal with it. Happy fucking Christmas.
     
  8. Veho

    Veho The man who cried "Ni".

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    No Such Number, Address Unknown
    RTS
     
  9. TrolleyDave

    TrolleyDave Philosolosophising

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    [​IMG] Now that one actually made me laugh!
     
  10. Psyfira

    Psyfira Credit: 0ml. Insert tea to continue

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    No he doesn't; if you don't have a chimney Santa gets in through the letterbox.
    How does he fit?
    Magic. [​IMG]
     
  11. Gore

    Gore GBAtemp Advanced Maniac

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    this has been on the web for how many years now?
     
  12. .:Crimonite:.

    .:Crimonite:. GBAtemp Regular

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    lame.
     
  13. Domination

    Domination GBAtemp Psycho!

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    Your Mum
    Isn't Saint Nicholas dead for like... many many years?
     
  14. TrolleyDave

    TrolleyDave Philosolosophising

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    [​IMG]
     
  15. nutella

    nutella Low Glycemic Index

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    Your nearest supermarket
    lqtm (laughing quietly to myself)