I wanted to post a thread about my friend and some details and what I plan to do...but my day has been ruined further. I woke up today early, then got bad to bed after my partner started to suffer from migraine. Then I fell asleep myself again, woke up crying, now I wonder why me? Who do I keep on living? Why did I see so many people die and disappear? Why did I survive everything I've been through? Why do I get abuse still from my mom even if she is far away, just because I sometimes need her financial help, but of course she thinks foremost about herself, no matter that I can't plan anything ahead if she sabotages things over there. I don't live in a city, I don't have stuff closeby, there are larger distances in this area than the rest of the "country". If the planning fails all goes to hell. I don't have stuff saved up for the rent this month yet because I had to take out money from that as my mom's smartphone broke but she also went to dental surgery while I get no care at all...bla bla bla. I'm sick of it all, I'm sick of this life, I'm sick of being between milling stones, between forces i can't do a thing about. Being told what to do...being told things I can't do. Being nobody in practice. I am sick of it all.
I will attempt to send letters to find out what happened to my friend, but I can't just be LEFT ALONE to focus on it FOR FUCKS SAKE. How much more do I have to suffer before I get to know the truth? How much more of this??? Why can't I simply focus on this because it haunts me over and over and over again.......
I'm done.
Now I just feel mostly anger. I wanted to be more retrospective and calm but ugh I feel like I'm not being listened to. So.... I'm closing myself again. Maybe it was a mistake to open up. You would have heard more stories from me and how I got this way, but I feel like everyone avoids me now.
Someone obviously unfollowed me. So yea I can't be all "angery" and "toxic" acording to someone. Well guess what, that's what happens when you get burned so much.
I will attempt to send letters to find out what happened to my friend, but I can't just be LEFT ALONE to focus on it FOR FUCKS SAKE. How much more do I have to suffer before I get to know the truth? How much more of this??? Why can't I simply focus on this because it haunts me over and over and over again.......
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I'm done.
Now I just feel mostly anger. I wanted to be more retrospective and calm but ugh I feel like I'm not being listened to. So.... I'm closing myself again. Maybe it was a mistake to open up. You would have heard more stories from me and how I got this way, but I feel like everyone avoids me now.
Someone obviously unfollowed me. So yea I can't be all "angery" and "toxic" acording to someone. Well guess what, that's what happens when you get burned so much.
Last edited by LeoTCK,
