I thought this up last night

D

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Jesus is shopping for suits, but none of them fit properly. He walks up to an employee and asks "im rich bitch from all the fools who donate money in churches and shit, give me your finest stuart hughes suit"

It'll get better, just give it time
 
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Janthran

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Jesus is shopping for suits, but none of them fit properly. He walks up to an employee and asks "im rich bitch from all the fools who donate money in churches and shit, give me your finest stuart hughes suit"

It'll get better, just give it time
1. This is a joke, not a religious statement
2. The "It'll get better" part was a joke about evolution
 

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Jesus is shopping for suits, but none of them fit properly. He walks up to an employee and asks "im rich bitch from all the fools who donate money in churches and shit, give me your finest stuart hughes suit"

It'll get better, just give it time

Jesus is out shopping for suits. Liking one particularly snazzy outfit, he tries to ask a sales clerk how much it costs. She is preoccupied with her phone, however, and never answers his question. His not-so infinite patience having found its limit, he yells, his voice imbued with the sound of thunder, "Woman, I demand you pay me heed this instant!"

Nonplussed, the clerk turns to him and says, "Sir, don't get cross with me."

Just then a battalion of Roman soldiers break into the store, locate Jesus, and proceed to beat him senseless. When they've had enough, they crucify him and drag him to a nearby hill, where he will later perish to redeem mankind for all our sins.

...I admit, I'm still working on the punchline.
 
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Tom Bombadildo

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Jesus is out shopping for suits. Liking one particularly snazzy outfit, he tries to ask a sales clerk how much it costs. She is preoccupied with her phone, however, and never answers his question. His not-so infinite patience having found its limit, he yells, his voice imbued with the sound of thunder, "Woman, I demand you pay me heed this instant!"

Nonplussed, the clerk turns to him and says, "Sir, don't get cross with me."

Just then a battalion of Roman soldiers break into the store, locate Jesus, and proceed to beat him senseless. When they've had enough, they crucify him and drag him to a nearby hill, where he will later perish to redeem mankind for all our sins.

...I admit, I'm still working on the punchline.
You already have your punchline!
 

Janthran

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Jesus is out shopping for suits. Liking one particularly snazzy outfit, he tries to ask a sales clerk how much it costs. She is preoccupied with her phone, however, and never answers his question. His not-so infinite patience having found its limit, he yells, his voice imbued with the sound of thunder, "Woman, I demand you pay me heed this instant!"

Nonplussed, the clerk turns to him and says, "Sir, don't get cross with me."

Just then a battalion of Roman soldiers break into the store, locate Jesus, and proceed to beat him senseless. When they've had enough, they crucify him and drag him to a nearby hill, where he will later perish to redeem mankind for all our sins.

...I admit, I'm still working on the punchline.
Yours was better, but Jesus was a pretty patient guy
 

Gahars

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I don't think it really does. This really doesn't need to be a religious debate thread, though.

We're debating religion now?

I'm just saying, there's a biblical precedent for Jesus losing his cool, and so the basis of the joke (as obviously exaggerated as it may be) has some merit.
 

Gahars

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Go hang yourself on a tree

Offtopic: Just how much of the Bible have you read?

That'll be good for the Treemium Rush.

Genesis, Exodus, Job, Matthew/Luke (can't quite remember which), some of Ecclesiastes, and a few other assorted parts here and there. I might also be forgetting one or two. Plus, there's what I just pick up from film/literature/etc.
 

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