I lack in self-confidence *cry*

Discussion in 'General Off-Topic Chat' started by Youkai, Jun 1, 2010.

Jun 1, 2010

I lack in self-confidence *cry* by Youkai at 8:00 PM (4,598 Views / 0 Likes) 61 replies

  1. Youkai
    OP

    Member Youkai Demon

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    Well hi, ...

    I have a "problem" I am 22 (not much longer till 23) and i never had a girlfriend (*cry*)

    When I was really in big love not just some kids play when i was like 14-15 the girl I loved told me after i finaly got to tell her my feelings that the is lespian and already has a girlfriend (noone knew up till than)
    that made my self-confidence go to the bottom and even lower ...
    I never go into a Disco or Pub and hardly do anything "interesting" for most ppl.

    Beeing an Japan fan together with Anime and Manga I did cosplay at the last japanese festival near where i live and several ppl just spoke to me without knowing me ... that gave me some self confidence especially cuz there were some girls that talked to me [​IMG]

    Well I was verry nervous and had problems talking with all the ppl ....
    still I was so hyped about all those ppl talking to me that after that festival I wrote into a Anime board about searching a girlfriend and i even put up a photo ... 2 girls answered to that searching call and one is mega great and even only after two days i feel like i am in love oO (well i know its to early)
    She did send me some pics of her and we talked both days we now know each other for like 5 hours over ICQ, but its very very hard for me cuz I allways think "what if she does not like how I look" and "what if i say something wrong oO" ....

    cuz i wrote that i have problems with talking to girls she says its ok if i say something wrong and so on but i still am not confident enough.
    The Picture she saw of me was more or less the completely opposite of what i am normaly and I really am "boring".


    Any tips what i should do ?
    Already checked if she likes the same Music as me and if i knew it she likes exactly what i don't like oO (even thaught she send me some youtube links for her songs and i "liked" those songs)
    and I saw here photos ... she is "small" which I like and very slim while i am ... well not big but not slim at all ... i have 85kg with a size of 1,73m ..
    the only sport i do is table tennis while she plays tennis, snooker, golf and dances
    ...

    i think i have no chance when she starts knowing me better *cry*
     


  2. yuyuyup

    Member yuyuyup GBAtemp Psycho!

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    Chicks are only attracted to assholes for some reason, I don't get women at all I'd rather just beat my own god damn meat
     
  3. Youkai
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    Member Youkai Demon

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    oO and i thaught it was only here in Germany ... so girls are the same all over the world ....

    well i talked with her about this the first day we were writing each other and she says that in her opinion girls who like such idiots are stupid themselves XD
     
  4. berlinka

    Member berlinka You have sustained a lethal injury.

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    Well hopefully it makes you more confident if I told you that maybe 1 in 4 people is very unsure about his or herself and in relationships it's maybe even worse. I also lacked self confidence, although people could not tell, but I just felt it from the inside. I never had a "real" girlfriend until I was 21. And luckily for me she eventually became my wife and we still are very happy.

    I think you must not try too hard and start seeing the positive and good things about yourself. If you start liking yourself, you will notice for a fact that other people will like you more too.

    Good luck and start believing in yourself mate!
     
  5. Danny600kill

    Member Danny600kill xD

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    I'm 16 and I'm now with my second girl friend, I know what you mean as my first was last year, I don't lack confidence as such in general but I did with girls, after you finally have that first one you'll be boosted hugely, trust me. I really do love my current girl and I feel so great

    Just go with it, I'm sure you will be fine and this girl you like will like you back. I wish you good luck and know it will go well.
     
  6. Blood Fetish

    Member Blood Fetish Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?

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    Get your ass offline and talk to people. Conversation is just as much a skill as riding a bike. You only improve through practice.
     
  7. TrolleyDave

    Former Staff TrolleyDave Philosolosophising

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    Blood Fetish's words are very wise! It's all about experience. The more you realise that people like you the more confident you'll become. The more confident you become the better you'll feel. The better you feel the more women (and just people in general) will become attracted you!

    The other route you can take is to just cast off confidence all together. Just stop caring what people think of you and whether they like you or not. Confidence is a powerful weapon that can keep you trapped in a shell. Disarm the weapon, break the shell and you'll see the world in a completely different light! Join some groups in your area where people have similar interests to you. It's always a good place to start. You know you'll have stuff in common with most people there so it takes alot of the burden away of whether you'll be able to start or join a conversation.

    And when it comes to women don't care about rejections. I've been rejected loads of times, but at the same time I've had loads of women. I've never really been an asshole either. Ok, well maybe a little but not in that way. lol Just remember, it's not the end of the world if someone, woman or not, doesn't like you. It's a big planet with lots of people! [​IMG]
     
  8. Eighteen

    Member Eighteen GBAtemp Advanced Fan

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    Aww don't worry too much about it. [​IMG]
    It's like that guy sais, the most girls are attracted to assholes. (not all girls but most)
    But anyhoo, there's always somebody for everyone in the world, really trust me on that [​IMG]

    Don't be so down just because of this problem, though I can understand how you feel.
    You will find someone when you least expect it I bet [​IMG] !!
    And remember Keep smiling no matter whaaaaaat !!!! [​IMG] [​IMG]
     
  9. Alex666

    Member Alex666 GBAtemp Regular

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    +1 xD

    Only difference i got a girlfriend living almost 500 km away so we get to see each other like 4 times a year ^^

    Gotta do small steps mate [​IMG] When youre like so unconfident try do start out small. Get in touch with people on the bus or at school or whatever.
    And do things on your own out there at places with many people [​IMG]
    like a mall or something [​IMG]
    do stuff which tells yourself that youre a nice person and adorable [​IMG]
    And about the girls... yeah most of them like those asshole guys but think about it that way in about 20 years everything will be ruled by computers and electronics and geeks like us will be reigning over those muscle pumped football guys [​IMG]

    Hope my English didnt suck too bad [​IMG] but Im from Germany as well so forgive me [​IMG]

    Anyway which city do you live? maybe we can meet some time [​IMG]
     
  10. Blood Fetish

    Member Blood Fetish Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?

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    This simply isn't true. This is the excuse people give for their failure. Women (all people) are naturally attracted to confidence. People who you classify as assholes are all confident, so they will attract more potential mates and friends. "Nice guys" is typically code for a soft-spoken, wishy-washy, little wiener.
     
  11. Blood Fetish

    Member Blood Fetish Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?

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  12. Alex666

    Member Alex666 GBAtemp Regular

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    @Blood Fetish

    You arent a big help to this guy, really.

    And being a "nice guy" isnt the same as being a loser. Treating women proberly doesnt mean youre a softy or something like this.
    Its people like you causing other peoples problems! There are people out there who may have a hard time living their life and all you do is shitting on them by saying how stupid and loserish they are. Seems like thats the only way for YOU to prove yourself youre not a "loser" like the ones youre picking on right?

    Sorry but hate people like this!!! [​IMG]
     
  13. shlong

    Member shlong in memoriam of gravitas

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    @Youkai:- you'll be fine, don't worry, as long as you be yourself, or slightly more than, you do great. just don't try to be someone your not, she'll see right through you, and that won't go down well.
    @Blood Fetish:- Seriously, your not helping...stop.
     
  14. Blood Fetish

    Member Blood Fetish Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?

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    I didn't say all nice guys are losers. In fact, I didn't say anyone was a loser.

    I don't really care if you want to read my advice or not. The OP asked for advice and I gave it. Actual, constructive advice that can be used in real life to better himself. Take it or leave it, but don't try and silence me just because you disagree with what I say.
     
  15. Alex666

    Member Alex666 GBAtemp Regular

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    No you didnt say that. BUT what you did was sending out this link which - if i were him - would make me feel even worse!
    Sure he has to get over himself in order to be more confident.
    But he is desperate enought to post in here, so dont you think we should be a little more sensitive rather than being lets call it "over-direct" like you are?

    Seems like you got the confidence he lacks in, but that doesnt mean you have to show it all over the place.
    Just my opinion, no offense.
     
  16. imshortandrad

    Member imshortandrad GBAtemp Regular

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    Well, being a woman, I must say that I am not attracted to assholes, haha.

    Girls are attracted to all sorts of people. Some like quiet shy guys, while others like outgoing guys. You'll only get more confidence by just talking to people, and you will get better with more practice. You will find a girl who will like you for just the way you are. Girls definitely love respect, and not people who treat them like poop. Some girls will "settle" for assholes because there is not enough nice guys out there, that will get the courage to talk to them.

    [​IMG]

    Just be who you are and be comfortable with yourself.
     
  17. TrolleyDave

    Former Staff TrolleyDave Philosolosophising

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    To be honest I think you're missing the point that Blood Fetish is trying to make. There are guys who play the "Women only like assholes" card simply because they don't want to accept the fact that they could be at fault. I've seen guys do it personally. Women don't want a rock around their neck, they want a partner.
     
  18. Blood Fetish

    Member Blood Fetish Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?

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    I first read that as "panther" and thought that was awesome. I want a woman with a panther.
     
  19. TrolleyDave

    Former Staff TrolleyDave Philosolosophising

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    That would be pretty damn awesome! I would marry a woman with a panther.
     
  20. Alex666

    Member Alex666 GBAtemp Regular

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    I know women dont want their partners to be a burden. But my opinion on topics like this was always to first of all listen and try to push the ego of the person with the problem rather thank giving a "kick in the ass" to open his/her eyes.

    Dont know maybe im too sensitive myself but i to me it seemed like the OP just needed someone to listen.

    And about playing that "Women only like assholes" card. Well, there are plenty of people doing this. Hell, even i did! But what im trying to state is, that Blood Fetish could have stated his opinion in a nicer way.

    Again, no offense.

    PS: The OP seems to be in bed already, he will be surprised if he checks back tomorrow [​IMG]


    EDIT: My answering took too long. But as i said. I like sugar coated answers but actually get your point there.
    And about xcdjys answer.. HELL thats one long answer you got there but as far as i read it - totally agree! [​IMG]
     

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