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- Jan 7, 2014
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1) Catch the cat and place it in your left arm as if you were holding a baby. With your right hand, apply pressure to each side of its mouth by holding the pill in your hand. When the cat opens its mouth, throw the pill inside. Give it some time to close its mouth and swallow.
2) Pick up the pill from the floor and the cat from the back of the sofa. Place the cat in your right arm (to avoid touching the injury on your left arm) and repeat the operation.3) Get the cat in the bedroom and throw away the soggy pill.
4) Take a new pill. Take the cat in your arm that will bleed the least. Hold the hind legs of the cat with your hand. Force the opening of the cat's mouth and push the pill at the back of the throat with your finger. Hold its mouth closed and count to 10.
5) Pick up the pill from the aquarium and the cat from the top of the closet. Go to the garden and ask your wife to help you.
6) Kneel on the floor and firmly hold the cat between your knees. Hold the front and hind legs. Ignore the cat's grunts. Ask your wife to hold the cat's head firmly with one hand and with the other hand to put a slim wooden piece in the cat's mouth to slide the pill. Rub the cat's throat vigorously.
7) Pick up the cat from the top of the curtain pole and take a new pill. Take note to buy a new vest and repair the curtains. Carefully carry the broken vases and figurines and set them aside for later gluing.
8) Wrap the cat in a large beach towel and ask your wife to lie on the cat leaving only the head free. Place the pill in the end of a straw to drink, force the opening of the mouth of the cat with a pencil and blow in the straw.
9) Check the packaging of the pills to make sure the pills are not harmful to humans and quickly take a beer to make the taste go away. Help your wife apply bandages to her wounds and clean the blood on the carpet with cold water and soap.
10) Get the cat in the neighbour's garage. Take another pill. Open another beer. In the kitchen, empty a cabinet. Place the cat inside and close the door on the cat's neck so that only its head gets out. Force the opening of its mouth with a spoon. Insert the pill with an elastic band.
11) Get a screwdriver in the garage and put the cabinet door on its hinges. Drink your beer. Take out a bottle of whiskey and take a shot. Apply a cold compress on your chest and verify in your health record what date was your last injection against tetanus. Apply a compress of whiskey to disinfect. Drink another shot. Throw away your vest and take a new one out of your wardrobe.
12) Call the fire department to pick up your cat from the top of the tree on the other side of the road. Excuse yourself with your neighbour who ran into the fence trying to avoid the cat crossing the street. Take the last pill of the pack.
13) Tie the front legs to the hind legs with string that you attach securely after a leg of the table. Find gloves for heavy work in the garage. Place the pill in its mouth followed by a large piece of meat. Be firm. Hold its head vertically and pour 2 litres of water down the throat to melt the pill.
14) Drink the rest of the whiskey bottle. Ask your wife to take you to the emergency room. Sit quietly while the doctor heals your fingers and forearms then removes the remaining pill from your right eye. Returning home, stop at the furniture store to buy a new table.
15) Call an animal rescue shelter so they could come to get your "deadly cat" and call the animal shop to find out if they have guinea pigs.
How to give a pill to a dog:
1) Wrap the pill in a piece of bacon. Drop it by the ground.
Last edited by VinsCool,
like a 250 dollar kit back when DDR4 was Intel only
