How people see me

[jalaneme]

from the age 10 and onwards i've always been a tomboy but you don't get me writing about it in forums, that's what blogs are for? i personally never had problems with bullying or feeling insecure about myself, i think it was the other way round lol and you should never feel to change your image just because you feel uncomfortable about yourself, just my 2 cents.

 

[moozxy]

from the age 10 and onwards i've always been a tomboy but you don't get me writing about it in forums, that's what blogs are for? i personally never had problems with bullying or feeling insecure about myself, i think it was the other way round lol and you should never feel to change your image just because you feel uncomfortable about yourself, just my 2 cents.

Which is why you've never posted about it.
I'm not that much older than you Rayor, and I'm not really good at giving advice, but when it comes to being happy this quote from Lost In Translation always pops into my head:
"The more you know what you want, the less things upset you."
Hope it helps

 

[xcalibur]

In school people thought I was arrogant. I heard it a lot, and it really bugged me. I've always been very self-conscious, and I abhor arrogance. Still, I kept getting it, and still do to this day. I just don't see it though. Maybe it's the way I talk, or some other mannerism I have that triggers that assumption. Maybe that's the deal with you.. just some mannerism that has nothing to do with aggression, but somehow hints at it.

..or maybe you're aggressive, and I'm arrogant, and neither of us know it.

..I find that unlikely though.

I kind of had the same thing as mthr just described. My teachers especially commented on that...

Well I don't think I should talk much seeing as I spent the past 2 years basically on my own. I really have no friends in school besides Freez here on the forums..
But in that time where others didn't affect me, I kind of had a chance to develop on my own and I kind of realise that other people suck.
They make you feel ashamed of any things you may like and try to pressure you into things you don't like.

You have to realise that you need to know who your friends are and just forget about those who aren't.

 

[Mars]

...and I try to make people laugh, even if it's by doing very stupid or random things, just to see them smile.
I think that this may be the problem. If you try too hard it may appear aggressive/imposing/forced/pushy/loud/too much, and might drive people away, instead of endear you to them.

Are you eager to appeal to people, energetic, overly enthusiastic to make them like you, to try and make them laugh, and you're constantly tense about it, and don't know what to do with your hands, and you end up gesticulating a bit too broadly, saying your sentences just a little louder than strictly neccessairy; maybe your timing is just a little off, because you falter for that tiny bit, unsure whether it's really appropriate to say what you just had in mind? Do you end up appearing awkward and your social interaction looks like a gangling teenager in a glassware shop (awkward and clumsy and with every little nervous tick things come crashing down)? Are you nervous? It shows. People notice it. It's not your fault, of course, but it's noticeable, and it doesn't help your people skills. Like mthr said, those mannerisms leave the wrong impression.

And I think I know where it comes from:
QUOTEliterally breaking down in the middle of class, not believing in myself and for that reason not taking opportunities and not even trying because people had made me think I simply wasn't good enough.

You want to please people, but you're afraid of messing up. That makes you tense, you're under pressure, and pressure only makes things worse.

Relax. Your posts seem intelligent and eloquent and you seem like a fun person to talk to. No need to change anything about your personality, there's nothing wrong with you. You just need to relax. Don't force jokes just to get cheap laughs out of people. It won't put them at ease, it will unsettle them. Slow down a bit. Give them time to catch up with you. You might appear shy that way, but that's okay. And it will seem like you're weighing your words with care (which is a good thing to do in any case), and that's a good impression to make. Just relax. You'll do fine.




And there's always GBATEMP if you need someone to talk to

I hate to echo what was already said, but I felt that this post was very well said. Like mthr and veho said, little mannerisms can really influence someone's opinion, and trigger assumptions. The best way to deal with it is to relax. Don't try to impress people, it'll only make you seem more pushy. If you want to try to rid of these assumptions and make a first move like Ace said, try not to make it too bold or pushy. Common interests are a nice way to start out, like omatic said.

Of course, you will get over this, as you will have a much larger selection of friends later on in life, while in high school, people only interact with those similar to them. I should now, I'm in 9th grade.

 

[distorted.freque]

Ok... I normally don't do topics like this, but no matter how hard I think I can't understand why this happens:
Well, just incase people don't know: I'm nearly 16 year old girl, and I've always been a tomboy. I had to endure years of bullying, literally breaking down in the middle of class, not believing in myself and for that reason not taking opportunities and not even trying because people had made me think I simply wasn't good enough.
Years later, I think I've gotten some kind of outer shell, but even so, I don't act like I'm made out of stone and I always try to treat everyone softly and with respect, while trying to have a laugh when possible.

The problem I have is that people see me as some kind of imposing person, and rather aggressive maybe. The thing is, I don't know why, I'm a very very very patient person (kind of the reason why I suffered for so long), and I always find myself preferring/letting people hurt me before even thinking of hurting them.
I'm very mature and I try to make people laugh, even if it's by doing very stupid or random things, just to see them smile.

I don't know what to do, I get treated differently and it's killing me. It feels like people think that things don't hurt me, even though most have seen me cry or be sad.

Things like: Imagine this girl that doesn't know much about our group of friends, she hugged everyone (people she didn't even know) but when it came to me, we shook hands. Or, girls don't treat me like they treat other girls, the guys do the same, and people hardly ever hug me, . And sometimes, it makes me feel lonely

I'm not making that first situation into a huge deal, but it shows that for me, there's like a second standard or something.

I'm seriously lost. I don't know why I always end up being "the weird one out". Years earlier it was because I was a lot more mature than kids my age, but now... I mean, they've grown up, and it also happens with people out of school too.

Serious advice please?
Amy

Only saw this now so I think I'm a bit late.

I can pretty much relate to what you just said. I don't really know how to fix something like this because honestly? Mine is still going through the fixing phase. It took me so many years just to even make a friend and even then, I've always felt left out. Nowadays, I don't care anymore. I just have friends whom I talk to occasionally and I move on. I look for other ways to get noticed and although they don't always work, it does keep me busy from feeling so lonely.

Wait. Agh. *scratches head and looks embarrassed* Anyways, you're not alone. You don't have to feel so lonely. If you can't find friends in your school then look somewhere else.

Lotsa nice people here from what I see.

And yes I'm refraining myself from saying more as it will surely turn into a sobfest.

(I'm also female and about your age. So yeah...pretty much know what you're going through.)

 

[Issac]

Well, making friends isn't always that easy as some finds it to be... unfortunately.
but there's always people there for you, even if you haven't met them yet.. there are these shy boys who likes you (maybe not in a romantic way) from afar, and would love to be friends...
girls as well! there are always potential friends... but you don't know them, and they dont know that you want them

 

[Panzer Tacticer]

My sister was a tomboy. In her 20s I was always amused to watch her make guys actually drool (god that's funny).

She's always been drop dead gorgeous. And it's never been easy being seen as intelligent. Ya see she has blonde hair.

She's always been a healthy person. She's strong enough to likely beat up most of the guys I know

But she's always been unlucky with the guys. She's still single regardless of trying to cure that condition. She's 40 something today and the forecast is she dies single.

I suppose it could bum her out.

But it only matters what YOU think of yourself young lady. And 16, hell you're not even fully programmed from the shoulders up yet

so don't sweat it, enjoy being a teen, but don't worry about what people think. You're not finished becoming the real you any way yet. You've still got at least 5 years before your head catches up to your body.

 

[Westside]

Have you also considered the fact that you might be trying to be funny but you are actually not? Not accusing you of anything, but it happens, I tend to stay away from people who are not funny but try too hard, like myself.

 

[jgu1994]

There are no girls on the interwebz(Disregard this part as serious)

It all get better as you move on throughout your life. In school, you really don't have to be popular. What matters is how well you succeed and how you look at yourself. I know this girl from our school who is really popular, but she's stupid. Really stupid. She didn't know a rhino=rhinoceros, or grass was alive, and if dirt or rocks were alive to. She may be popular now, but there's no way she's gonna make it in life. Popularity doesn't really matter in school. As long as you feel that you are one way, you really don't let anyone change who you are.

Oh and if i said anything wrong, my fault, cause I'm still 13 >.>

 

[Bob Evil]

Stupid people are often popular, as they are non-threatening ...

 

[TrolleyDave]

I wouldn't worry too much about it. There are people have always found me to be aggressive and I don't deny that I can be if the moment arises, but I'm a pretty good guy really. I reckon your sub-concious (sp? sorry!) is hardening up and it's showing on the outside. Put it like this, deep down you're a natural survivor so rather than you breaking down completely your mind is making it so you'll get through it.

Once all this is over you'll be a rare person, you'll be hard when you need to be and you'll be normal every other time. You'll also end up with more pride, integrity, compassion, respect and loyalty then any of those that are bothering you now. In fact I'll guarantee that in the future you'll look back on this time as the one that most shaped your emotions and be happy every time you think about it.

 

[Panzer Tacticer]

Stupid people are often popular, as they are non-threatening ...

So damnably true. I spoke with a university graduate level English skill when I was just 14 (read too many text books and it happens). I was informed by an instructor while at a cadet camp that the reason I wasn't making any friends was I scared everyone. I was too intimidating. He suggested I act a bit more stupid, so that I would fit in.

That actually left scars I didn't see for many years.

Always be entirely what you are, and screw anyone that can't keep up.

 

[TrolleyDave]

Always be entirely what you are, and screw anyone that can't keep up.

Very true, and one of the best pieces of advice in life.

 

[Mlacks]

You know pokemon -
You know Blastoise?
WELL THEN - HAVE WE HATCHED A PLAN FOR -YOU-
Go to your nearest pet store and open up one the cat bungelows. the CUTEST cat bungelow.
open up the cat - THE CUTEST CAT REMEMBER. Its rather difficult with just your teeth and your passport; I used a hot spoon.
You need to take with you: 1.self esteem 2. fur
You'll really like the fur
With the cat fur down your pants and your new found self esteem, go out and face the world.

OR KILL YOURSELF WITH FIRE THE POWER IS YOURS

 

[xcalibur]

Stupid people are often popular, as they are non-threatening ...

So damnably true. I spoke with a university graduate level English skill when I was just 14 (read too many text books and it happens). I was informed by an instructor while at a cadet camp that the reason I wasn't making any friends was I scared everyone. I was too intimidating. He suggested I act a bit more stupid, so that I would fit in.

That actually left scars I didn't see for many years.

Always be entirely what you are, and screw anyone that can't keep up.

So true.
You should never change who you are just so you can be accepted by people.

 

[Bob Evil]

True indeed ...

 

[MasterM]

"Great things are not accomplished by those who yield to trends and fads and popular opinion" Jack Kerouac

Value your virtues.

 

[Westside]

Stupid people are often popular, as they are non-threatening ...

So damnably true. I spoke with a university graduate level English skill when I was just 14 (read too many text books and it happens). I was informed by an instructor while at a cadet camp that the reason I wasn't making any friends was I scared everyone. I was too intimidating. He suggested I act a bit more stupid, so that I would fit in.

That actually left scars I didn't see for many years.

Always be entirely what you are, and screw anyone that can't keep up.

So true.
You should never change who you are just so you can be accepted by people.

That actually is the reason why our society is so screwed up. I remember back in Uzbekistan, people who are smart are considered "cool". In my country you had to be smart to get the pretty girls and be popular in high school. When I came to North America, I was kinda surprised. Even though my highschool here was alright, but I mean, it's still North America.

 

[pasc]

In school people thought I was arrogant. I heard it a lot, and it really bugged me. I've always been very self-conscious, and I abhor arrogance. Still, I kept getting it, and still do to this day. I just don't see it though. Maybe it's the way I talk, or some other mannerism I have that triggers that assumption. Maybe that's the deal with you.. just some mannerism that has nothing to do with aggression, but somehow hints at it.

..or maybe you're aggressive, and I'm arrogant, and neither of us know it.

..I find that unlikely though.

They are just jealous

, let them hear a podtempcast episode and they will stop for sure !

BTW: Did your son finished spiderman by now

?

 

[Panzer Tacticer]

North America worships crap like the Simpsons these days.

When you are done laughing at the show, remember, Bart is considered cool for being an under achieving punk. And Homer is just something to laugh at.

We have made it cool to be a loser. We have made it cool to NOT be any good.

Your dad isn't someone to laugh at. And you should admire people that actually mattered.

Rappers are not cool, they are losers. Ya might hate his Windows, but Bill Gates is cool. John Glenn is cool. He's done something few will ever be able to say they've done. Frank Herbert is cool. I wish I could write like that.