How did I miss the hints? Share your stories.

Discussion in 'General Off-Topic Chat' started by FAST6191, Jul 6, 2018.

  1. FAST6191
    OP

    FAST6191 Techromancer

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    23
    Nov 21, 2005
    United Kingdom
    While I have no objection to the "your teenage years: sexual interaction and you" (also if you did not read that in a 50s educational film voice for your given area/language I don't think we can be friends any longer) threads we occasionally see around here I thought we should do another style. This is that.

    As the title says we are looking for your best "how the hell did I miss the hint(s)?" type stories here.

    For those unfamiliar with the premise it is generally observed that many people, though mostly women, favour... more indirect means of communication. This absolutely extends to showing interest in a potential sexual or romantic partner, and indeed may well see such activities increased in subtlety. While there are no doubt instances where you remain oblivious to your obliviousness many will also have ones where days, weeks, months... later something clicks and "is that what that was" or someone makes you aware of such things. Such things can happen from 13 to 113, and while some may get better with time it is far from assured.

    It would be bad form to start a thread like this and not share one from the rather numerous list (that I know of) of my own.
    Scene.
    University halls (dorms in US parlance), fairly early days in the year. [For those unfamiliar 18 year olds away from parents for the first time, private rooms, several grand just dumped into their bank accounts, cheap booze in a country where 18 is the "as much as you have money for" limit for anything, completely unfamiliar people from all over the country... debauched does not even begin to cover it].
    I am sitting there alone in the washing machine room playing my nice GBA SP whilst my drying goes on. Three seat bench sort of thing.
    Young lady wanders in, dressed much like she was going for a night out and not what one might call hard on the eye. Odd attire for a Sunday morning and it did not appear like a walk of shame (neither did there appear to be any signs of alcohol) but *points to location of this story*. I had seen stranger things.
    She does not have any washing but that is nothing unusual (some people would wander off and leave the cycle on either the driers or the washer to finish).
    She sits down next to me. The tests had came back inconclusive on whether I am a sociopath and that spurred me into learning to at least fake being human. To that end I was sitting on the extreme end of the bench. Now I understand there are cultures and places wherein one opts to sit next to another human if given the choice, however don't you know I'm English and so was she.
    Upon spying my GBA she asked "is that the latest one?", the question alone* screaming disinterest in the specifics of the answer and that was without the tone. Noting at least the disinterest I grunted/mumbled an affirmative. The pedant within however noted that the DS had not long been released in America at least and we were awaiting the release in Europe.
    I return to the serious business of megaman battle network... probably would have been 3 at the time.
    Some silence followed and after bracing herself and drawing a breath she redoubled her efforts to spark conversation.
    One of the higher level skills gained when becoming English don't you know is the ability to dodge idle conversation like a ninja.
    Speaking of ninja skills she then decided to fiddle with the automated washing machine in what said actual ninja training (or at least skateboarding, general martial arts and gymnastics) would say is a position that seriously exposes sensitive areas and makes even static balance rather difficult, not to mention the budding engineer within would note as being terribly inefficient movement to boot.
    Such things posed no physical threat to me and conveyed no need to seek medical help for her and thus full attention then returned to battle network.
    She sits back down, again next to me.
    The inner pedant had slowly been building in potency during this and thus I was compelled to inform her of my technical error earlier in not mentioning the upcoming DS.
    After an initial look of bemusement a glimpse of substantive conversation turned into a genuine smile, however I had reached a good place to end the battle network session and my dryer session had finished not long before.
    GBA powered off and pocketed (remember when they could do that?), polite nod to my conversation partner and I grabbed my washing and left. I don't know quite what the look was as I left the room is characterised as (maybe dejection?), certainly not a happy one though.
    Back in my room putting things in my suitcase (it would be a decade or more before I again figured out drawers for clothes) I was struck by a realisation and the phrase "is that what that was? Huh" entered the internal speech track.
    Traditionally these recountings end with a subsequent meetings/interactions following type bit, however I honestly could not tell you if I ever saw her again. I probably did as the sub complex (of which she was most likely a part) was some 300 people at best, all with similar schedules. Can't say I have any regrets (recall the earlier part about inconclusive sociopathy) but looking back on it all it amuses me. Some might wonder why someone which can read emotions and vocal tones missed such signals, answer is I had a choice between learning that and learning to spot threats/malice/duplicity.

    *you can figure out the exact timings for eventual releases, and sequels thereof, for phones but this would be several years before any normal person cared about the latest piece of electronic technology which made the question even more of a giveaway back then.

    Assuming you have not just cringed yourself inside out then your turn.
     
  2. xpoverzion

    xpoverzion GBAtemp Regular

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    Sep 18, 2017
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    You should have just nailed her. Otherwise, you are really overthinking it..

    "Any fool can make something complicated. It takes a genius to make it simple." --Woody Guthrie
     
    Last edited by xpoverzion, Jul 6, 2018
  3. B_E_P_I_S_M_A_N

    B_E_P_I_S_M_A_N knows nothing

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    Jun 7, 2016
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    Hell
    I once had some weird girl randomly hug me in a Savers. Never saw her again after that. Parents were wondering why I was acting weird towards her until I told them about the incident outside.

    While it was very, very uncomfortable, you have to admit, there's something refreshing about going for the straightforward approach.
     
  4. MeowMeowMeow
    This message by MeowMeowMeow has been removed from public view by DinohScene, Jul 10, 2018, Reason: Offtopic and not helping..
    Jul 10, 2018
  5. Cyan

    Cyan GBATemp's lurking knight

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    Oct 27, 2002
    France
    Engine room, learning
    Oh, then you don't know me ! I'm the same.
    I think too much about what I could do, or what should have done or say, what other will think or thought, etc.

    I don't remember any situation where I missed the hint. And I don't know enough people to get someone to tell me I missed it either.
    I miss all occasions to act, I'm sure of that, but I don't remember missing a hint. I sincerely think nobody ever was interested in (by?) me.
    If it happens, I don't even know how I'll react. Maybe I'll miss the hint, or maybe I'll act as if I didn't get it on purpose because of fear of what could happen. it'll probably depends if she's my type or not.


    edit:
    was it a missed hint? (well, not so missed, the hint was too obvious?)

    some girl (younger than me, like 15 years older) came to my workplace today to get something she ordered few days ago.
    I recognized her when she entered the room, and told her "it's here !".
    she said "ohhh, you have good memory ! you remembered me" and she added "well, I also remember you. When I think about this place, I always have your face in mind. that's because you have a good face!"..... ok, not sure what it was or how I should have reacted to that.
    it was nothing, right? I didn't want to look strange (we weren't alone) or expecting something, so I didn't try to talk more, and just did my job.
    of course, if I recognized her, it's because I wasn't indifferent... but there are many more I'm not indifferent to, doesn't mean I have to do anything...

    Now I'm wondering if I'll ever see her again, why she said that, if it was even a hint at all or not, or just truth without any idea behind it.
    I might or might not have typed her name on google to find anything.... how bad and irrecoverable am I? what am I expecting?

    Edit2:
    Like Leaf below, I once (or always) mistook kindness and being nice for hints, and the truth was hard. So I started not seeing anything as hints, not even real ones....
     
    Last edited by Cyan, Jul 13, 2018
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  6. leafeon34

    leafeon34 意地悪な男の人

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    Sep 30, 2014
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    There's probably a fuckload of hints I've missed over the years, never noticed and have now completely forgotten. What does stick out in my memories are the times when a girl was just trying to be nice and I mistook her intentions as romantic interest. These days I can feel the difference between someone just being nice and romantic interest. My gut feeling tells me how she's feeling even if I can't consciously pick out any signs of attraction towards me in her body language. I've also noticed if my gut feeling tells me she likes me she always makes a more obvious signal hours or even just minutes later.
     
  7. DinohScene

    DinohScene Feed Dino to the Sharks

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    So many missed hints.
    So many hints given and missed.

    Don't think I even know where to start ;/

    Eh, I've settled down with me boyfriend so I don't really care about other boys neither.
     
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  8. leafeon34
    This message by leafeon34 has been removed from public view by DinohScene, Jul 15, 2018, Reason: per OP his request.
    Jul 13, 2018
  9. DinohScene

    DinohScene Feed Dino to the Sharks

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    That is the worst nonsense I've ever read.
     
  10. leafeon34

    leafeon34 意地悪な男の人

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    Sorry, sometimes when I'm half asleep I don't word my posts very well. If it's as dumb as you say it is then can you please remove it?
     
  11. DinohScene

    DinohScene Feed Dino to the Sharks

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    I shouldn't normally but as per your request, deleted.
     
  12. MeowMeowMeow

    MeowMeowMeow S̈͊ͣ̎̍͋͟eͩ͊ͨ̂ͫ̐ͬ͟n̆ͨp͒ͪ̿̔aͤͬ̄ͩͨ͗̔iͧ̽ͤ

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    Apr 1, 2016
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    D̀͌̀e̵ͧk̷u̾̂ͨ͗̾͊̚ ͥ̈ͤ̎̒̓T͊ͬ͜rͨ̌̔͂́e͂̌ͩͦ̃͜eͬͪ̄͝
    Woah dude if she says she liked your face. You should go for it haha, if you like her face also. If you regret to not pickup the hint then contact her through social media. With like: "do you still remember me? The guy from the workplace."
    Its never to late(:
     
  13. Cyan

    Cyan GBATemp's lurking knight

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    Oct 27, 2002
    France
    Engine room, learning
    It's always too late with me.
    She was really younger (18 year less than me, she's just a kid, and I feel I'm old, why a kid would be interested in someone my age? we wouldn't share the same interest, friend circle, values, etc.), I was too shy, and afraid of what could have happened and I would have done everything to prevent it (even subconsciously), afraid it would be a false hint (as always) then it would have feel too awkward.
    I wasn't alone, and everybody listening to what we are talking about is not the best time to try to know someone or suggest anything else than work.
    not used to talk to people, I don't know how to act subtly, or what to tell. being direct is also too frightening and not well seen. I don't think asking if someone is single and looking for someone, or asking to go out with me will ever work.

    I don't have any social media, and I wouldn't dare contact someone that way anyway. I'm too shy, and it feels unprofessional, not ethical, I'd be seen as a hopeless last move stalker?

    If it was a hint, it's in the past now.

    Another problem of mine is I'm loyal a little too much.
    some people don't cheat their wife/husband/girlfriend/boyfriend. I'm a level above that, I don't want to go with someone if I think about someone else, even if we are not together. That would be disrespectful to be with someone while thinking about someone else. Thinking there's a possibility to be with someone, or even only just having a crush on a random unknown person knowing nothing would ever happen, makes all other people not reachable and automatically rejected. As I usually always have someone in mind, and I never talk to that person, all opportunities from others are out of reach.
    well, 40 years of singleness... I should stop being loyal with non existent relationship, right? I just think "what if I'm with someone else, and then the person I thought first comes to me?", better miss many possibilities than the hoped one.
    Told you, I think too much.
     
    Last edited by Cyan, Jul 17, 2018
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  14. FAST6191
    OP

    FAST6191 Techromancer

    pip Reporter
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    Nov 21, 2005
    United Kingdom
    Let us raise the dead.

    My cluelessness/general obliviousness here knows very few bounds, which contrasts rather nicely with my skills in psychology (the same things that allow you to spot con artists and salesmen, if there is even a distinction, does not differ too much from general interaction and my loathing for the aforementioned class means I know how their world works and the psychology of it enough to call it a learned and actively pursued/used/honed skill). To that end it seems there are more stories, however none I can really recount in as an amusing a fashion as the opening one. Probably some "tragic" ones as apparently "I love you" is not a phrase uttered by many ladies idly or casually as I had assumed. Several other times if I replayed the events of the day I would spot said cues but as they don't coincide with cons or violence (give or take close proximity which one tends to at least learn to tolerate in a country this packed) they are typically dismissed in real time. Sometimes friends have tried to inform me of my shortcomings as and when it strikes but as my obliviousness tends to come off as indifference or apathy it is usually too late by that point and thus nobody really bothers any more.

    Anyway I am an old man these days and thus most of my time if I even bother to go somewhere where the ladies congregate (a maybe three times a year event) it is spent dodging crazy rather than missing hints so going to have to do the "enjoy the amusing stories of others" one for this.
     
  15. AdenTheThird

    AdenTheThird GBATemp's official Weedle fan-HAT-ic!

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    I've missed more hints in life than I can count. Some of those have been right here. I'm just really bad at wording things and non-visual cues. That being said, I hope that I am seen as someone who is helpful and generally optimistic (on a good day!) and can take criticism. So, if there's something that I'm just not getting, don't be afraid to let me know! (:
     
  16. zomborg

    zomborg Makin Temp great again

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    Apr 17, 2015
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    Well all of my "missed" the hint memories come from when I was pre teen. But I will recount one that really stands out in my mind. I think I was somewhere between the ages of 10 and 12 and I lived on a small country road with not many neighbors. My road was only 2-3 miles long and on that road, no more than 5 houses. My next door neighbor and my neighbor 1/2 a mile away, were girls around my age.
    Just so happens, the one that lived 1/2 mile away was having a birthday party and all the kids on our road were invited. Plus a few more from school.
    During the course of the birthday party all of us children were busy playing and somehow the birthday girl and one of her friends from school, cornered me in the bathroom and I started panicking and trying to escape instead of sitting back, relaxing and enjoying it. Then if that wasn't hint enough, the 2 girls turned the light out and started trying to kiss me and even got me down on the floor!
    Even that wasn't hint enough for me. I somehow managed to escape and I ran the entire half mile home. Lol.
    Poor Cyan, :( You are just torturing yourself. This lady you are waiting for and saving yourself for, does she know? Have you ever told her that you love her and you are waiting on her? If you haven't you are just torturing yourself for no reason. If you do not want to spend your whole life alone, you have either got to tell her how you feel or let her go.
    By the way, I really respect the way you feel about someone you love. I have a huge amount of respect for a man who does not want to be with someone if he is thinking of another. That is so rare nowadays. So rare it's almost unheard of in today's world.
    By the way, Paul in the Bible says that it is better, if we are able, to not marry. He said it is better to stay single but very few people can actually live as Paul lived (single his whole life) Because the other thing he also said is it's better to stay single IF you can keep from lusting after women in your thoughts. He said if you CANNOT keep from lusting it is better to marry.
     
    Last edited by zomborg, Apr 23, 2019
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  17. Cyan

    Cyan GBATemp's lurking knight

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    Oct 27, 2002
    France
    Engine room, learning
    I didn't see her for 2 years now, and I never told her anything. I think she noticed, as others did, but she acted like she didn't want to be too close to me. also, like said above, age difference can be a big barrier.
    Now I'm not having her in my heart anymore, but just in a part of my memory and thinking that maybe, if we meet again, she might act and feel differently and I may still react to that.

    I'm now trying to be the one giving hints to trigger something with other people I meet, making more longer eye contact, smiling, but I'm probably very bad at it because it never works. at best, people acts friendlier and we can talk more naturally.
    I'm looking for a little more than just chatty friend at workplace... (like, just chatty friends outside the workplace! not much more)
    I guess I'm bad at catching hints, and as bad as giving them. I don't even sense whether a woman is straight or homosexual, maybe I'm attracted by wrong women haha.

    by curiosity I'm trying dating apps for 1 month, but nobody talks to me. it just confirms what I thought about me.
    I might try tinder next, just to see if anyone sees me.
     
    Last edited by Cyan, Apr 24, 2019
  18. zomborg

    zomborg Makin Temp great again

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    I completely understand how you feel Cyan. I used to have no self confidence at all. I don't know if you are a handsome man or not but I think one of the things that used to add to my lack of confidence is because I felt like I was ugly. I was a nerd in school and at least in my mind I felt like my ears are too big and my nose too pointy but I have finally come to realize that God does not make mistakes. He made us all unique and special. He made us all for a purpose.
    As far as dating apps go, I know many people have found their wife in that way but I've always been kind of hesitant about trying to find someone in that way. I have a feeling that people do not show you their true selves on there. Like maybe they post an old picture of themselves on there or a picture of somebody else and when they tell you about themselves, they make something up or only tell you the good stuff. I would be afraid they would trick me, suck me in, only to realize later that they are a serial killer or something.
    Do you mind me asking what line of work you are in? Do you know where I met my wife? I met her at work. Since back then I had no confidence, it actually worked to my advantage because I got to see her every day and because I felt like I was ugly, it helped to get to talk to her each day. We started out just co workers who enjoyed conversation, then over time we became friends and eventually fell in love.
    Oh uh and I'm sorry Fast6191 for getting so far off topic. Hopefully this can in some way help people who are missing the hints due to lack of self confidence.
     
    Last edited by zomborg, Apr 24, 2019
  19. Cyan

    Cyan GBATemp's lurking knight

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    Oct 27, 2002
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    I work in a place helping people do their papers (like prefecture), so I see a hundreds of people everyday, every ages, for 17 years now.
    people don't come here to talk, they don't like having to do paper work and can become aggressive and angry if they are not pleased if not right from the moment they walk in. the place is not the best for communication and meeting people.

    I thought the work place is not the best to start conversation and that maybe other people I'm serving are thinking the same and never tried to talk to me either even if they'd like to, so maybe an app to "check who I met during the day" might be interesting? so I tried Happn, but I got no match from people I met at work so it's not filling my expectations. I never used dating apps, I was just curious to see if I other people would find me attractive and the problem was just the place I meet them. I don't expect too much. it looks like it's filled with fake profiles anyway, very rarely I see people I know are from my town, that's too bad. and I don't have mutual matches, so it's useless. my town is not that big, so there's not a lot of people to meet on that dating apps. Maybe tinder is more known and has a wider search range, instead of just people I meet, but I feel it's more used for one night stand than really meeting interesting people.
    Like said last year, I still don't have any social media, and I'd find it hard to contact people out of the blue.

    I don't want to move that thread to dating apps, it's about missing hints :P
    For more talk, I'll use PM or blog if interested.
     
    Last edited by Cyan, Apr 24, 2019
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