How can I get a girl?

[Scott-105]

Tell them to shut up and make you a sandwich.

Or even better, move this to the EoF. Chicks dig EoF topics.

Aha, this made me lol.

On topic: Being yourself works, and you do have to express yourself a bit.

 

[GolenSun550]

Hi ,guys, Thank you all .

I learnt a lot from your answers.

I just read a book called “The Mertery Method” , is there anyone read it and use some advice belongs to this book? This book seems very useful to get a girl,because there are some amazing methods which I never heard before. I think I should have a try.

 

[fannnkobe]

Just go to bed, there will be a girl in dream.

 

[Cyan]

Its difficult to say and I never believed it but girls come eventually. Unless you are locked in a house for most of the day.

As an adult, if I wasn't married or had a girlfriend, I would not meet any chicks. Meeting friends as an adult is awkward and weird. I have not made 1 friend since I was about 8 or 9 ( and me and that guy are still friends, more like brothers than anything.) Its weird to ask another adult, "hey you want to come over and hang out". Closest I ever get is come over i'll buy some beer. then i can at least drink to make the awkwardness go away.

This applies to both men and women, but with women its about 10x as weird, because its almost impossible to just "hang out" with a chick, especially with booze involved. there is not a single girl i've ever met who I would seriously be interested in just sitting around and shooting the shit with.

You seems older than I thought ^^

I'm 32, and I'm always locked in a house and never go out, except for work. I'm very very shy, and can't engage a conversation with someone I don't know (or do it very badly and stressfully).
At my work, I see almost "all" the people from 10 towns around mine (I'm making identity paper). strangely at work, I can talk with everyone easily... talking about work stuff is easy because I know my job.

But as you guess, work and privacy is totally different situation, and sometime I see peoples I feel confident with, but I can't make the first step and asking "would you like to meet each other, just to chat, as friend ?", it's totally awkward I think. They would think I'm their type and trying to go out with them in a bad way.
I used to make the move with people I knew, like old classmate (boys or girls), they all answer the same thing : "Yes ! that would be great" but, they didn't meant it. I never seen them again (except at work), so I gave up on asking.
Adults befriending other adults is not easy. they don't "go out and meet each other", they have their own life with already their own circle of friends, they works, they have family, and no time to share with a stranger !

Sometime there are some people that I would like to know more, they are open/funny/same type/could share same interest (video games for example), but I don't ask anything by resignation because I know how it always ends, and by fear of either being rejected (and then leading to strange situations later when meeting again), or even if they will accept I really wouldn't know how to act. I don't like going outside, I would take it as a chore.
Though, recently, I tried asking a girl the same age as me if we could know each other more, she comes often since 4 years (at least 6-8 times), so I had the chance to be less shy and try chit-chatting while filling the identity papers. She's married, has children, and at least she knows that I know she is, so she won't think I'm hopping anything more than friendship. No news from her since that time (6 months now)

So, if you are not old, I think the best for you is "go out" if you have friends, meet people the same age and eventually you will meet friend's friend, or make un-predictable meeting.
up to you to no be a douche while being in group with other people.

 

[omatic]

You give silly poll choices, load up on emotions, but we're supposed to be serious, huh? Maybe that's why you're having problems with girls.

 

[Mei-o]

find someone you love maybe?

I have not met a girl I love for over 20 years, how could that happen???

Dude...how OLD are you? And that statement made you sound like a basement-dweller. No offense.


As for me...I have a lot of female friends, and I'm far from being gay. It's all about being nice. Even simple hi's a and hellos can go a very long way.

 

[coolbho3000]

Just a heads up, the "get rich and wait" method doesn't work. I tried.

 

[GolenSun550]

Its difficult to say and I never believed it but girls come eventually. Unless you are locked in a house for most of the day.

As an adult, if I wasn't married or had a girlfriend, I would not meet any chicks. Meeting friends as an adult is awkward and weird. I have not made 1 friend since I was about 8 or 9 ( and me and that guy are still friends, more like brothers than anything.) Its weird to ask another adult, "hey you want to come over and hang out". Closest I ever get is come over i'll buy some beer. then i can at least drink to make the awkwardness go away.

This applies to both men and women, but with women its about 10x as weird, because its almost impossible to just "hang out" with a chick, especially with booze involved. there is not a single girl i've ever met who I would seriously be interested in just sitting around and shooting the shit with.

You seems older than I thought ^^

I'm 32, and I'm always locked in a house and never go out, except for work. I'm very very shy, and can't engage a conversation with someone I don't know (or do it very badly and stressfully).
At my work, I see almost "all" the people from 10 towns around mine (I'm making identity paper). strangely at work, I can talk with everyone easily... talking about work stuff is easy because I know my job.

But as you guess, work and privacy is totally different situation, and sometime I see peoples I feel confident with, but I can't make the first step and asking "would you like to meet each other, just to chat, as friend ?", it's totally awkward I think. They would think I'm their type and trying to go out with them in a bad way.
I used to make the move with people I knew, like old classmate (boys or girls), they all answer the same thing : "Yes ! that would be great" but, they didn't meant it. I never seen them again (except at work), so I gave up on asking.
Adults befriending other adults is not easy. they don't "go out and meet each other", they have their own life with already their own circle of friends, they works, they have family, and no time to share with a stranger !

Sometime there are some people that I would like to know more, they are open/funny/same type/could share same interest (video games for example), but I don't ask anything by resignation because I know how it always ends, and by fear of either being rejected (and then leading to strange situations later when meeting again), or even if they will accept I really wouldn't know how to act. I don't like going outside, I would take it as a chore.
Though, recently, I tried asking a girl the same age as me if we could know each other more, she comes often since 4 years (at least 6-8 times), so I had the chance to be less shy and try chit-chatting while filling the identity papers. She's married, has children, and at least she knows that I know she is, so she won't think I'm hopping anything more than friendship. No news from her since that time (6 months now)

So, if you are not old, I think the best for you is "go out" if you have friends, meet people the same age and eventually you will meet friend's friend, or make un-predictable meeting.
up to you to no be a douche while being in group with other people.

Hi ,thank you for your story and suggestion. You are right "go out" is the first step , now I know some girls and became friends for not a short time.

BTW,bro, have you got a girl yet? I can't understand why you so shy.

 

[GolenSun550]

Just a heads up, the "get rich and wait" method doesn't work. I tried.

You must be kidding me . Every one I know told me "get rich and wait" is the most effective and classic method than any other ones.

Getting rich then you get everything , I was told many times.

 

[omgpwn666]

The get rich and wait works for mostly everyone. Anyways if you're American places like Brazil have women who will go with Americans regardless of what you look like, just to become a citizen. My dads friend is fat and bald and his wife is so hot, now they have a daughter and stuff. She learnt no English but he learned some of her language. XD Mainly a funny story, I don't recommend a non English women.

 

[8BitWalugi]

Rob a morgue?

 

[Beats]

How to get a girl:
[*]Don't make 'How can I get a girl?' topics. [*]Find a girl. [*]???? [*]PROFIT!

 

[Schizoanalysis]

Stop playing so many games and go lift weights or get a high paying job or something...

 

[Cyan]

*warped*

Hi ,thank you for your story and suggestion. You are right "go out" is the first step , now I know some girls and became friends for not a short time.

BTW,bro, have you got a girl yet? I can't understand why you so shy.

No, always been alone.
I guess it's a mix of a lot of things which made my personality like that.

I was sensible, every bad remarks was touching me. they made me reject other so I didn't get hurt anymore.
primary school was almost ok, but didn't remember having friend I saw outside of school.
Then college (French reference, 11 to 15Yo), I had to get home right after school, and anyway I was so long to do my homeworks I couldn't afford to go out after school (they often last from 5hPM to midnight).
I was a little bullied by others as I was shy, they profited that I wasn't reacting I guess. So I never made any step to them. I was a classmate at most, not a friend. This is where I started to be out of the people circle.
This is where I started video games and computers, I found a better world than outside (RPG, etc.), I wanted to make video games too, and became a developer (I already did that since I'm 6year old, at school, then Basic, etc.). I always loved it.
then High school and College (English reference) was ok. but there weren't any girls in my class (electronics, informatics). I never went to speak to other class's mate, as I didn't know them. I stayed always alone too.
here I got a computer, started working and learning myself (as school wasn't what I hoped, it wasn't development learning ;_; very bad orientation from teachers, they know nothing and doesn't help young students).
at 19~20Yo, still alone without any friend, I went to army 10 months (hey, still no girls there lol).
After that, I started working. I got internet and made friends online (boys and girls), but I still stayed shy even behind a monitor.
To go to work, I took the train, but never talk to anyone else.
two years later, I was a unemployed and found my new work where I still am.
still no friend at all, except those I made online. from that period of time, only 1 of them stayed (a girl), but shes 1000km away from my home

we met twice in 9 years. shes a good friend. I still chat with her online.

For the rest of my life story, I guess it's the part ahead, in the warped zone.

I think those years passed at my new work place (seeing a lot of people) is starting to make me change and becoming harder, less shy. but I still don't go out alone. I just start to feel more confident with myself.

For the answer then, I would say "bullied at school and had to get home and don't go out" (though, I didn't have friend to go out) was the cause.


edit : don't know if "bullied" is the right word.
harass, torment, maybe.
it wasn't enough to report, but for my personality it was enough to reject others.


Edit 2 :
That's why I think that asking for help on a forum, or giving hint to others over the same forum, doesn't help much.
There's a looooot of personal factor that people don't know about your life, which is not taken in account. You can't do it in an instant if you never did it.
If someone would give me advice "go out with friend" I would laugh, I don't have any. I don't even go outside to by food. I don't go inside shop, etc. (sort of agoraphobia mixed with no self confident to talk with other). I guess I don't have the personality to be with someone else (girlfriend or wife) if she can't count on me.
they need to know you better to help you.
You have to either expose your problem fully, or ask friends (if you have any, and if they know that side of yourself).
Maybe (but I wouldn't do it myself, I don't want things to change because I think it will be worse. I know what my problem is), go to a psychologist to talk if you need it.

 

[GolenSun550]

@Cyan

Form your words I think you are a warmhearted person, just don't know or used to how to express yourself to the others, I don't know if you have a great wish to know some friends ,which might good for you life,if you wish then you can ,of course not that simple . You may need some books that can give you some advice,or make some friends via email or something in your city , after several months , you may know each other ,then pick a date to go out for a drink or something, I think some drink is important which can give you some courage.

All of us live in a society,which means we can not live alone,we need get some friends or a girl sooner or later , why wait? Just open your door or computer , have a try , you may get a different life.(I think we both love to get a different life experience so we play games)

 

[yusuo]

I mean this in the nicest possible way but asking for help on a primarily gaming forum isnt really going to help you if your having confidence issues when it comes to women, the only thing that can help you is to get off your pc get out into the real world and make some friends, love happens when you least expect it, dont go looking for it cause it won't happen, and if you do find a girl while looking for it your probably cripple her with your emotional insecurity and neediness and destroy it, just do your thing and be yourself and it'll happen, might not happen straight away but it'll happen eventually, hey you could even try joining clubs that share simialr interests.

 

[amaro]

Go to a sex-shop and purchase an inflatable doll.

 

[Cyan]

@Cyan

Form your words I think you are a warmhearted person, just don't know or used to how to express yourself to the others, I don't know if you have a great wish to know some friends ,which might good for you life,if you wish then you can ,of course not that simple . You may need some books that can give you some advice,or make some friends via email or something in your city , after several months , you may know each other ,then pick a date to go out for a drink or something, I think some drink is important which can give you some courage.

All of us live in a society,which means we can not live alone,we need get some friends or a girl sooner or later , why wait? Just open your door or computer , have a try , you may get a different life.(I think we both love to get a different life experience so we play games)
I'm starting to feel alone, and would like some friend to share and talk everyday life experience. But as stated by Vash, it's not that easy to make friends now that we are adults. even awkward to ask, because people don't understand the real meaning, and don't need to bother with you, they have their own life now.

As I'm not "real life" easy with other, I tried to met friend online first. That's how I asked the person I mentioned on my first post. She answered only one time, then nothing. I think I bother her so I didn't insist.
I bother people even without seeing them

I act natural, but I think this is the problem. I may frighten them with my problems

I don't know how to make friends via email with other people of my city (no, don't tell me to register and send message to random people using facebook ! this is freaky too XD)

A book is the same as a psychologist (or even worse, because they don't take your personality in account) : it's up to you to decide if you want to change or not, reading and speaking can't do anything about that.



QUOTE(yusuo @ Apr 24 2010, 12:16 PM) I mean this in the nicest possible way but asking for help on a primarily gaming forum isnt really going to help you if your having confidence issues when it comes to women, the only thing that can help you is to get off your pc get out into the real world and make some friends, love happens when you least expect it, dont go looking for it cause it won't happen, and if you do find a girl while looking for it your probably cripple her with your emotional insecurity and neediness and destroy it, just do your thing and be yourself and it'll happen, might not happen straight away but it'll happen eventually, hey you could even try joining clubs that share simialr interests.

I though about joinning club to meet peoples.
I started playing violin (did it for 5 years) at conservatory. But it wasn't helpful. teaching was done one by one, and other member were 6 to 18years old

I don't "dare" go outside to other activities, part because of the other's saying ("what would say think if they knew I go out", etc., like my parents for starting). So I don't do anything.
Remember, I'm sensible to people remarks and I prefer to do nothing than being hurt. (I know, this is bad to react like that).

 

[yusuo]

I mean this in the nicest possible way but asking for help on a primarily gaming forum isnt really going to help you if your having confidence issues when it comes to women, the only thing that can help you is to get off your pc get out into the real world and make some friends, love happens when you least expect it, dont go looking for it cause it won't happen, and if you do find a girl while looking for it your probably cripple her with your emotional insecurity and neediness and destroy it, just do your thing and be yourself and it'll happen, might not happen straight away but it'll happen eventually, hey you could even try joining clubs that share simialr interests.

I though about joinning club to meet peoples.
I started playing violin (did it for 5 years) at conservatory. But it wasn't helpful. teaching was done one by one, and other member were 6 to 18years old

I don't "dare" go outside to other activities, part because of the other's saying ("what would say think if they knew I go out", etc., like my parents for starting). So I don't do anything.
Remember, I'm sensible to people remarks and I prefer to do nothing than being hurt. (I know, this is bad to react like that).

Life is aboutt aking risks, the way i look at it in 100 years the mistakes you make no wont have any affect on the world (unless you accidently create some form of new weaponary that wipes out 95% of life on the planet) sieze every moment nad live life, go to clubs or bars, and believe me i can sympothize with how you feel a few years ago i was exactly the same, i never talked to new people and stuck with what i was comfortable with, luckily i had a few people to bring me out of that, You dont want your legacy to read, "Cyan, didn't do much with his life, maybe wrote a few blogs about his life but thats about it", trying joining a singles club, or try online dating to make a few friends if you feel comfortable that way, if you dont mind me asking how old are you and where bouts you live anyways, im not asking for an address just like us, uk .....

 

[deka01]

wait a sec your asking on the forums of a gaming site how to get a girl your awfully optimistic aren't you i really have no advice though